Recover the love of my life

[thefields]

Im going to tell the story of the woman i loved and still love for which i would do anything to get her back, so if you can please all bear with me with this long epic..

 

Ok, I went out this girl for 2 years..everyday even from day 1 when we met, it just clicked with us. Ofcourse we were a little nervous because we pretty much met and started dating a week later. But after we started dating it was almost like we were married, we would be on the phone and just talk about anything..about a month later we told each other that we were in love..everytime we talked on the phone or even while we were out with each other, we always planned ahead to find days we could see each other. Im not sure if thats a good or bad thing that we always planned ahead..but she was always on my mind and some days we would just lie down and she would rest her head on my chest, not saying a word to each other. Atleast once a month I would tell her she is the best girlfriend i ever had..and then she finally told me that she has never had a boyfriend like me..and im the first guy she has fallen "in love" with.

 

So anyways, after about 6 or 7 months, I asked her to marry me *but it is for future reference* because she had given me hints about how she knows she wants to be with me forever, and wanted to marry me someday. So i asked her in her car and she gave me a big kiss and said yes.

 

We were then engaged for the rest of the year and 6 months, all we talked about was what kind of place we were going to find to live together..or when we should get married *planned around 23-25*. But, I always had this problem were i would wake up somedays..and she would call, and i would have no feelings or emotions in my voice...Sometimes i would not call for days, I assume now that i had this ego problem to were i was like "hey,if im happy them im sure shes ok"...which i obviously regret now. So finally..after 2 years, she came over one day, and gave me a late christmas present..but i was away for christmas so thats irrelavent..she was very silent and just said.."I think we need some time apart" ...i didnt say much just "are you sure this is what you want?'"..she said yes ..we hugged..both dropped a few tears and she left..Its been about 3 months now...I didnt call her at all for about 2 months..it was probably both anger and sadness that kept me away..but finally I called her one day *about a week ago* and just asked how things were going

so we just pretty much said im ok you? And planned a day to hang out.

 

So she came and got me and we spent about 2 hours driving around...We were both pretty silent..i would occasionally ask her questions like "hows it been? still have the same job?..hows its going there? but I still had these questions i wanted to ask her...because she said that she has this "friend" she is moving in with..so finally im like..friend? Finally she said "would it make you feel any better if i said it was my boyfriend"....So im very hurt over this...We went back to my place and after 3 months..i still had her christmas presents awaiting her..I got her 2..but its been so long since ive seen her..I just said "ok lets just say one is for your christmas and one is for your birthday *her birthday was early this month*"i wrapped them both with a double sided wrap..one side purple *her favorite color* and one side silver and the ribbons the same, I got her a touch lamp, because her room looked very naturistic..but i told her to save the big present for second..she opened it and it was a framed portrait of a flower she painted me...i pulled out the painting and was just like..remember this?

 

...so thats pretty much all thats happened up until today...i IMed her and tried to just be a friend ...such as "hey there..how are you?

but she keeps bringing us up and the past that we had together...

 

For all of you that listened, I appreciate the time you spent hearing my story..But I still have 2 questions i want to ask along with any advice you can give to see if somethings i did were good to get her back...

 

1. Before she told me about her boyfriend...she called me and told me she was bored *this was after i called her after 3 months* I thought to my self yesterday "why did she call me and not her boyfriend"?

 

2. Was the present of the flower she painted me a good idea? I asked another girl and she said YES! memories brought back that you havent forgotten are always good!...but i just want everyone elses outlook..

 

One more question...I keep thinking to my self overall..she has a boyfriend and in the next 2 months theres a possability shes moving in with him....But imn ot sure if she still feels for me..

 

 

Thanks for all your help, thanks agian for listening to my incredibly long epic.

[BillyJean714]

It sounds like the guy that she's currently with is a rebound guy. It's too soon for her to meet someone new and move in with him. Sounds like she's trying to find a quick-fix soluation.

 

I see that you distancing yourself from her, is what made her pull away. Not talking, not communicating, is not good. When a girl feels mistreated and pushed away, she will automatically think, "This whole time, this guy has been playuing around with my emotion! He tells me one thing, then says another, and sells this dillusional dream of being 'in love.' Sounds like another phony person who's out there to break my heart." In other words, when a guy pushed a girl away like that, she internatlizes the situation, and will run away. In other cases, she may stay, maybe due to lack of experience in the dating field. But, most women who are experienced with dating, are tired of getting hurt. So, we look at a guy's actions seriously, and determine whether or not, we want to be with him, once he pushes us away.

 

To us, talk is cheap, and there are no excuses. So, if you really want her back, do a good job at explaining, talk it out, and show through your actions that you want to be there for her. We like to talk things out. I notice that when you gave her those short, one-line responses after she went to meet up with you, she was probably trying to test you. She probably tried to see if you truly cared.

 

About her and her new man, if she's going out with him, and contacting you while she is with him, it shows that she's not over your relationships. She probably has unresolved issues that she wants to clear up with you. If she truly didn't care about your relationship, she wouldn't even bother talking to you. Anyway, talk it out with her. Only you know deep in your heart, if this relationship will work out or not. Good luck..

[thefields]

Yes, its hard for me to bring up long,interesting conversations out of the blue about us also...when i explain how i feel, its usually just the same thing over and over until i explain another topic about us. Such as if its something like "a part of you is still hanging on to my heart" it will eventually come around saying the same thing in a different way ..im not sure how i can really reach out to her and let her know how i REALLY still feel to were she just knows "wow, he really does still love me"..and not to just fill in spaces with cheap talk and waste time. Ugggh

[thefields]

i guess ill just have to wait for an answer...thats the hardest thing to do is just wait and see what happens. Im mean when one of your Ex's you still truly love has another boyfriend, you never know how long they are going to be together...it could be a month...2 months..even years. The fear that we will never get back together doesnt go away, but i am willing to keep up hope that one day we will be together, and i will give her everything i promised i would do before we broke up.

[heloladies21]

Well I don't think any kind of present was a good idea at all. She broke up with you, started seeing someone else right away, and is even considering moving in with him. Why would you reward her with a present for hurting and disrespecting you?

 

She probably called you just to see if you were still interested so she can keep you as a back up plan. Don't settle for this. Take the time you'd be spending waiting around for her doing nothing and put it into healing and then eventually finding someone new. Sooner you get to this point the better.

 

Come on man, if she really cared about you, she wouldn't be off banging some other guy. She'd be with you. Would you want to be with some other girl if you were interested in her? No, you'd be with her. Do you see the contradiction? Do No Contact for real this time and do things to get your mind off of her. And just flirt with other girls. You don't have to sleep with them or make them your girlfriend yet if you don't want to, but just some conversation will do you a world of good.

[thefields]

i think ive decided what to do...if i want her to really see that i care, sometime here in the next week..NC until then..ill call her up and just tell her....

 

"you should be happy, and me knowing you have an ex is only smokescreening me to get you back little by little with constant calls..i will leave you alone from now , on. Just remember if your feeling down and need some support, i will be here."

 

Im not sure if i even know thats what should be sayd..i keep wanting to flip around sentences..or change them..please help! i really want het to show that i care.

[RainaBabe]

It doesn't matter how quickly someone moves on to someone else. It really only matters how long ago they emotionally took themselves out of the relationship.

 

Case in point: I was dating this guy for about eight or nine months. The last couple of months we were just sort of going through the motions. Neither of us were really happy, but we were still trying. I met someone else, and started really liking him, but I was still sort of dating my boyfriend. After about a month of this, we technically broke up, and I started dating this other guy about two weeks later. The other guy and I have been together for 11 months now, and are very happy.

[thefields]

yes..thats a great thing if she is happy with her boyfriend...its very hard to NC now, because over the last couple of weeks..i tried to do it, and it seemed impossible not to call her to just ask "how are things?/work?"

she will occasionally get on aim..when im on get will sign on and sign back off..i havent IMed her at all today..she went idle/afk several times, and then went un idle agian with her afk message up...im sure its probably nothing..but i keep thinking maybe she keeps checking to see if i IMed her agian. But im not going to, im going to leave her alone, and not call, give her the space she needs. The NC will eventually patch me up.

[RainaBabe]

Yes it will. And I promise there will come a time when it doesn't hurt anymore.