Broke me, cheated, overlapping

[AAvr1315]

I met him when we were in high school. I was 14 he was 15. When we dated I had turned 15. High school puppy love got together March 17 but only made it till Sept 2005. I broke it off initially, back then my state of mind was I wanted to go out with friends and not focus on a relationship. He was heart broken and would send me letters of how much he loved and missed me. After days he started dating different girls etc. At times I felt like if he said he loved me why did he move on so fast? Part of me wanted to get back with him but after I saw he had easily moved on I thought other wise. fast forward to senior year. He had a girlfriend and I feel like I still wanted to get him back. May!prom came and at the after party was when he spoke to me.( Keep in mind we never spoke or were friends after) he tried to talk to me and be around all threw the party, he offers to take me and my friend home. Nothing happened that night. Day after I text him telling him thank you for giving me the ride and it went from there. We started talking but he still had his girlfriend. He kept it like that for months. I thought that he would leave her and get back with me since we still had feelings and he would tell me he wanted to be with me. After, I got fed up with it and would say why he didn't break it off with her, he would say he would or at times he said he did. There was a moment he confessed that he had a child, at 17 and already had a kid. My reaction was to think it was with his current girlfriend that's why he couldn't leave her. He said it had been with some girl he dated after me. At that point I was unsure, to pursue a relationship that was not going anywhere, and to know he had a kid. Going on I stayed with him, the only thing i didnt like he would pressure me into having sex, one i didnt feel ready, two we were not official. At the same time i thought if i wouldnt i would loose him. August,His birthday came and i gave in, i didnt really want to but did it to please him and to let him know i did love him and wanted to be with him. It wasn't till Sept that he said we were official. December, I moved in with him, he would always ask and wanted us to move In together. This he would always mention since we stared talking in the beginning. The relationship seemed good,the honey moon stage and so forth. I did have issues, always felt like I was never beautiful, had insecurities about my weight, my skin (acne) and just thought about, it was too good to be true. That he was with me, how could he be with someone like me, he is good looking and I didn't feel up to his level. And how it wouldn't last, that he would eventually cheat on me or he would just leave me. It would cause fights, he always told me he loved me and would never do that, that it was always and forever. 2013, I got pregnant we had our child. I was not ready to be a mother, our relationship was rocky, fights here and there ,over whelmed with work and just over all the news of a new baby coming. The baby came and i expected him to help me, to want to take on the responsibility of a baby. Instead as the mother he saw best to leave me everything, his excuse he wouldn't know what to do or what the baby would want that once older he would help because by then talking would be there. The relationship got distant, I thought It was just me and all my emotions after the birth, and that was why he didn't want to be around me.I would be moody and angry and things he would do would irritate me. A year after I got pregnant again, and when I was a week before my birthday, I was shocked, i felt like someone hit me with cold water. He would act weird and never leave his phone, and it was locked I didn't know the code. I found out he had been talking to some girl from work. I confronted him, he didn't look at me, just faced down and don't say much, he was careless he didn't feel guilt shame nothing. I was mad, sad l, angry, confused of why I never caught on Or why I didn't notice, I knew I had to leave him, that I should want to be with a cheater. I was pregnant, and also thought, I had to fight for my relationship and try and fix things. I did what I shouldn't have, I begged, he said it was me that with our first kid I stoped paying attention to him, that was the reason he stated talking to this girl. I apologized and begged to try and make things work. This was in Jan 2015 going to June I have birth, and I knew he was still talking to this girl and didn't stop. I asked If he loved her and why he still felt the need to pursue her. He said he didn't and she was just a friend. After my second child i stopped working and spent my time being a mom. I think maybe that was a big issue too,financially we were struggling. He was the only one working, and I w friend to get a side job to help out. I felt like he wasn't trying, when he would be home he was sleeping and just avoiding me, there was moment where it seemed fine , but then when he went to work I knew nothi g could stop him from. Doing what he wanted. I felt like I was looking him, and I was the only one trying, I was always mad and he said I would find things to get mad at him for. This continue till June 2017when I found out he was talking to a different girl. Again he had his phone looked. I had had it by then, he didn't try he just focus on work and sometimes things would be good but other it was like I didn't know him anymore. I kicked him out that day. He left. Things were said. He said he thought he had everything with me and thought it was a forever thing but I was hard to be around and he couldn't. I think he thought that I would beg and plead for him to not leave and to try, like other times I would kick him out but change my mind and cry to him not to leave me. After he left I felt like maybe I would be best and maybe we needed time apart. He asked to see the kids and I would take them when he would see them and he asked me to stay for the visits and I did. I cried to him, beg and pleaded to try and to work things out. We would even still have sex when we would have the visits. I found out recently he has been living with this girl he was talking to. I want to say Oct/Nov he moved in with her. He said he had move from the place he was at cuz where he was at was $400 for rent and this new place was only $300. At the moment I guessed it was because he was living with her. And I was right. My gut feeling g was right. Possibly even before but, it's like he would come over we would hug kiss and have sex and for him to be living with someone soo soon. I still can't believe he's this person. It hasnt even been a year, I still have feelings for him, i feel hurt and broken, why did he not try and make it work with us, 7 plus years just thrown away like that, to him it doesn't seem like it bothers him, he's happy living with this girl, bring her around my kids, and ls having the life I wanted to have with him. When all this happened we were living with my family and I think a lot of our relationship I let a lot of my family have a say in and it would start things between us. Especially my mom would say thing and I would get mad and take it out on him. What I really am asking is, was it my fault? Why do I still want to be with him and make things work? I still feel hurt and broken, and why he didn't want to try?? Will this overlapping relationship work out for him? Should I just move on?

[boltnrun]

Can you please re-post this with paragraphs? It's very difficult to read through a wall of text.

[SweetGirl28]

Kids added stress to a relationship that was already suffering. And the constant arguing most likely took its toll on him.

I've been in your situation, and honestly it was best to escape it. It's not about giving up, it's about doing right by your kids, and it's unhealthy to be in a stressful environment with tension and fighting. Matters not their age, from babies on up they feel it.

You're not totally at fault, he had a choice to find a solution and learn how to better handle the conflict between you, or to let it build and seek attention from elsewhere, which is what he did. Of course you are going to miss him, you created life together and were building a future, and it's gone. It's best right now to let him do his thing and only have contact regarding your children. Putting pressure on him won't make him return. He has to realize on his own whether he wants to try and be a united family again, or stay apart. Make sure you get child support from him and make your children your priority. I have custody of my daughter(I don't even say "our" because her dad is pretty absent) but even though it's initially hard, it does get better once you figure out life minus that person being your partner. Her dad was a cheat too,

it's best to heal now and move on if need be while your kids are still young because you have a much better chance of

them accepting someone new into their lives when/if you decide to move on. You can suggest counseling to him for the benefit of getting along for your kids if it's difficult, but while he's living with this girl, it's probably best to just let it go.

I know it's scary but you and your kids deserve a good, stable future without constant worry if he's cheating, or when the next big blow up will be. Good luck, I'm a survivor of it so I know it's possible :)

[AAvr1315]

Thank you for your comments. I guess I'm still stuck on him. He would promise we would make it work and I guess I blinding wanted to believe him. I mean there was good times in between. I suggested counselling in the beginning be he said he didn't believe in that someone else could help our problems. My birthday came around he wished me a happy birthday he kissed me and things went further. I felt like maybe he still cares but at the Same time. How is he with this overlapping relationship and with me at the same time.

[SweetGirl28]

Thank you for your comments. I guess I'm still stuck on him. He would promise we would make it work and I guess I blinding wanted to believe him. I mean there was good times in between. I suggested counselling in the beginning be he said he didn't believe in that someone else could help our problems. My birthday came around he wished me a happy birthday he kissed me and things went further. I felt like maybe he still cares but at the Same time. How is he with this overlapping relationship and with me at the same time.

 

Every relationship has its share of good times, that's what we remember and why we try holding on.

Not willing to do counseling and just giving up is not a person that is interested in rekindling anything.

I know guys who don't believe in therapy but the fact you identified the issues and wanted to try, and his leaving,

is what you need to remember.

 

Sex with the ex ?? No! sex is just sex to guys. It keeps you holding onto hope while he gets the benefits .

Well I guess you benefited too, but don't make it so easy for him. He should have boundaries. No sex unless he wants

to work on being a family again. Its okay, it happens, but honestly he's moving on, giving you false hope , and you're staying stuck. That isn't fair. You deserve a man they wants to be a complete, committed, loyal man and blend with your children. Love yourself enough and your children to build a life . I know it hurts and it's hard and it's scary. And letting go

is so very painful because you share children together, but you can do this.

[AAvr1315]

I think I'm just in denial and obsessed over him? I mean I want him so bad to come back and make things work. I want to heal and get my life together and show him eventually in the near future we could work on things.

[SweetGirl28]

I think I'm just in denial and obsessed over him? I mean I want him so bad to come back and make things work. I want to heal and get my life together and show him eventually in the near future we could work on things.

 

Well denial is a stage of grieving and healing, but he's with someone. He isn't sleeping on the couch, you know?

You have to leave him alone and let him do his thing. You do right for yourself by healing and then you'll be good to go

for a guy who deserves you. We always want what we can't have, especially if what we want (an ex) is with someone else.

If you want to make changes, make those that better yourself, but for anyone but you.

Don't ever try to be anything you're not to please anyone else.

[AAvr1315]

Why are things that way, we want what we can't have. Never really understood, untill now and this suck.