How Long?

[Strandysmommy]

I was just wondering, how long is a good amount of time to date before you ask a girl to marry you? I mean some people I know dated as short as 2 months and then kapow, they're engaged. Some people I know dated for 5 years and are finally engaged and haven't set a date yet. I and my boyfriend are very much in love with each other. We've dated since mid feb. and have been an official boyfriend/girlfriend thing since mid march. We realize this is all under less than 2 or 3 months, but it feels like forever. Sometimes I think, "you know...when it's right, it's right and you know it." Is that a foolish way of thinking? "If the shoe fits" as it were. It would seem he feels the same, he's not shy about talking about commitment, and the like. I still am afraid to ask him if he could see himself marrying me...we talk so much about how happy we make each other. He said he's not going anywhere and he's in it for the long haul.

 

Is this crazy talk? I mean how long does it take, how can one see truly, through the smoke and mirrors of a fresh new relationship what is real?

[MetallicAguy]

Umm, I think it can be whenever really, minimum of 1 year, max. of 3 years.

[heloladies21]

It's a question that can't have a correct answer. You know it when you know it. But remember this, what someone says and what they think can be opposite things. And sometimes people say things that they don't really mean. The only way that you can develop trust in what they're saying is with time and how much time is unknown. But always believe what a person does over what they say. It's much tougher to hide what you feel through actions.

[sonjam]

feels like yesterday, when we helped get the jitters out of that first date!! Im so glad things are working out for you two. I always say, date at least 3 months to get the "honeymoon" period over, then after that the world is your oyster.

 

There is not prescribed or set amount of time, but I always advise to just take SOME sort of time, to get to know the real person. Yes, I agree when you know it's right for you, it probably is, just make sure the other person is not showing you the "perfect" half of themselves, and when you get to know the other half you might not like it all that much. It takes time for people to reveal their true nature. When a relationship is new, people tend to put their best foot forward, and hide or disguise their less than perfect qualities.

 

Just a word of caution. But Im really really glad you feel this way about this new b/f of yours, may it last for eternity!!!

[Rozanne]

I would say to definitely wait until you've had your first argument.

 

Married couples will always have fights and this is normal - it's healthy! - but the most important thing is to see how you both deal with the situation as a partnership.

 

But anyway - best of luck!!!!! Let us know how you get on!!

[RayKay]

I truly think this varies not just from couple to couple, but from age, and relationship/life experiences.

 

I think if you are younger (ie late teens, early 20s) it is best to take some time together before marriage.....you go through so many changes at that time, are still maturing (even if you think you are already there you aren't yet!) and marriage is a huge thing at that age to begin to venture on. If you are older, and have had some more life experience I think you are more able to truly know when things are right, also truly able to know your compatibility far more....as long as you also know yourself.

 

In the past it would of taken me a while to be ready, now my current partner and I moved in within three months of dating (been together almost 6 months now) as we know it is just "right", and I know things will move on to more in some more time....as we just know we are right for each other, and each others "one". Honestly if he asked me today, I would undoubtedly say yes (well it won't happen today, but hints have been dropped in some way from him about sometime...

 

I say follow your heart, but also be practical as well....marriage is about far more than love, as it is not easy, and sometimes you need more than love to get you through. Make sure you share common ideas of what it is about, about finances, how to raise children (and whether you want them), you agree on how to split time together and apart, and so on....sometimes pre-marriage counselling is ideal for these sorts of things just to make sure you have a good level of communication and equal commitment before you tie the knot! Make sure you also both handle stress well, or situations that arise in a fair, mutual fashion. I think when you both are aware that marriage is not a lifelong honeymoon nor have idealistic expectations too you are more ready to discuss marriage.

[Day_Walker]

Sometimes I think, "you know...when it's right, it's right and you know it." Is that a foolish way of thinking?

 

Yes that is a foolish way of thinking, because what it comes down to is, you DON'T KNOW, its merely speculation. People fool themselves into believing what they want. Rarely do they realize or question the other person. Its extremely common for people to transpose their emotions on other people for the sake of making them feel better about their own emotions. People claim to have this feeling but there is no way to know if the relationship will even work out, it simply means that they WANT it to work out.

 

Yes there is an amount of time that is appropriate before two people go into a marriage. Thats when both people have decided that this is what they want, and it must be mature decision, not based on emotion, convience but because of the person their significant other is.