Confusion

[Kev0505]

Hi,

I’m glad that I found a forum where I can at least ask for help..

 

So here is my concern

In 2016 around August; I happen to meet this girl from the Bahamas, and we couldn’t talk first until an event was organized at church for college student, we had a little getaway weekend in Oklahoma and that’s where I started talking to her. I was being so funny that she kinda liked me and we had fun.. we échanged phone numbers and when we came back, I started hanging out with her as a friend. I could go see her on campus late at night and sit in my car for even 2,3h just talking while I knew deep inside that this is gonna lead somewhere...

We hanged out a lot, to the point where she one day asked me why I enjoyed hanging out with her, I told her because you’re likable... that was it and after that I had told her that I wanted to talk to her on something serious..

One day at night I was with her and I asked her out right away, expressed my feeling because she was filling all my thoughts and spirit lol..

She said she would let me know of the answer, I told her to take her time and said if he answer will take 10 years to come, I will wait.. ( I was joking)

So 4,5 days later

I was at work and told her that I will come see you when I get out around 10,11pm and I wrote at the end “I love you “

I still was waiting for the “ answer”

When I went to see her, she was being so different saying that she doesn’t have a lot of time blablaaa ( girl things)

 

3 days later she told me that she couldn’t date me, it shocked me and I said okay no problem but know that I will always be thhere for you, no matter what you need and i still love you.

 

We are from 2 different culture; growing up speaking French ; it has never been a problem telling someone I love you because I love and I like you mean the same in French , ( in English it’s different)

 

So on a Sunday at church, I just ignored her since she said no( it was on a purpose)

As soon as I did that, it shocked her cause I just waived at her and left ..

She texted me an hour later saying she wasn’t feeling okay cause she just wanted a conversation with me

 

We talked talked and ended up seeing each other that same night Sunday and sat in my room ; she said I’m okay, i just wanted us to talk , reason I said no is because you once told me “ I love you “ it means a lot for me

I told that remember we are from 2 different backgrounds and I’m sorry if I did that but know that I love you. She said me too and said my answer is Yes

I wanna date you..

 

We started dating ; having fun etc

A month and half later she told me she was confused over something, I asked her why

She said there was this guy back in The Bahamas whom asked her out before she meets me and she was confused.. I told her It wasn’t possible. Meaning you don’t like me that’s it

We talked and one night while talking she just told me me and you are no longer together..

She broke my heart...

still she would need some help moving etc

I did help with my broken heart

 

2 semester passed by

Here she’s again ; we took one class together and at that time it was a bit ackward cause I was always trying not to talk to her much ... but her she would cherish my presence and talk to me; explaining to me her holidays back home ( cause she goes every break)

At some point she would IGNORE me, sometime she’s active 100%.

 

So I asked her couple of time last year to hang out on the weekend so I could get an opportunity to talk to her, she would give reasons (homework; work etc...)

 

This year I’ happen to get a class with her again, i was late the first class meeting San when I walked in,The only empty sit left was next to her, ( it’s a computer lab) I said OH LORD...

I sat, and we are taking the class together, so sometime if I don’t understand something, she would rather me asking her then the teacher so she can help me.

And again she touches me so much , making fun of my belly ( even if it isn’t big) but still touches it... and other part

 

She even called me last week to study for the test we were having ..

This last Saturday I asked her if she wanted to go watch a movie ( Black Panther ) she agreed, we were there and hang out after the movie from like 8pm to 2am in the morning...

 

Last year in December she posted a pic of her and a guy on Instagram... quote (my handsome)

Same picture, she already printed it and put it on her wall in her room

Same picture is her wallpaper background..

 

They say love never dies

At this time I am confused.. what should I do

I do love her

Should I pretend that she’s using me to be too comfortable or what ???

My plan was to ask her to go out and i am gonna talk to her seriously or will it be a mistake???

 

She can’t go off my ways

I can’t too

Even if I try hard to ignore her

She would come to me and talk lol

 

Thanks for your help

[DanZee]

You know, girls love attention. And they love the idea that guys are in love with them. And she likes you ... as a friend.

 

But you went about this entirely wrong. You don't tell a girl you love her and then ask her out on a date. You date her for a while and you see whether the two of you are compatible. If you had dated her for a while you would have found out that she had some other guy she was interested in. In fact, you might have learned that there might be lots of other guys she's interested in. And your interest in her might have faded and you could have moved on.

 

Instead, you've hung out with her as a friend and then you unloaded on her all these feelings that have been building up. Now, girls don't like cutting people off and breaking up relationships. Their instinct is to create friendships and nurture them. So she's really trying to tell you she just wants to be friends, and she really doesn't want to lose you as a friend. But guys misinterpret this in their minds and tell themselves they still have a chance with the girl. And they continue to pursue the girl. It eventually becomes messy when the girl has to put her foot down and say leave me alone.

 

So you should realize that your love for her has been one-sided. She's not romantically interested in you. If you think of her only as a friend, you will be better off. And then you can also look around and see if there's another girl who interests you or who takes an interest in you and turn your attention to them.

[Last Gentleman]

Hi,

We are from 2 different culture; growing up speaking French ; it has never been a problem telling someone I love you because I love and I like you mean the same in French , ( in English it’s different)

 

We started dating ; having fun etc

A month and half later she told me she was confused over something, I asked her why

She said there was this guy back in The Bahamas whom asked her out before she meets me and she was confused.. I told her It wasn’t possible. Meaning you don’t like me that’s it

We talked and one night while talking she just told me me and you are no longer together..

She broke my heart...

still she would need some help moving etc

I did help with my broken heart

 

At some point she would IGNORE me, sometime she’s active 100%.

 

Last year in December she posted a pic of her and a guy on Instagram... quote (my handsome)

Same picture, she already printed it and put it on her wall in her room

Same picture is her wallpaper background..

 

French is my native language and no sorry saying to a woman you're actively seeing Je t'aime, is exactly the same in both languages. This totally freaked her out and made her avoid you,

you can't be seriously in love this fast, this would make any woman panic !

 

You started dating ? It doesn't sound like it, was she really meeting you in public and showing affection, touching, kissing ? If not she was just using you but you are only her friend. Then

she "broke up" and asked for your help moving out... are you serious man you have no boundaries, it's not about being an ass or angry but if a decent girl breaks up, most likely she won't

ask her ex for help and you should have taken time for you away from her, not just help her move that's ridiculous !

 

Of course she has another guy, the real BF she's an attention wh*** using you to boost her ego while she was away from this guy, she's playing you wake up you aren't getting anything

but misery from her !

 

Sorry to be so rough but you need to see her for what she really is, you will never be with her so move on don't waste your time !

[Kev0505]

@Danzee

I should probably correct this... I told her I love her while waiting for her answer ( YES or NO)..

 

Anyway thanks for your response .

I understand the whole scenario now... what makes me say all this is the fact that she aren’t going away from my view and since we are taking classes together etc... seeing her all the time on campus etc..

And all the “ touching “ she does

Not only makes me uncomfortable but again I wouldn’t want to hang out a lot with a girl like this.. I deeply thought about it to go eat out anytime soon but I think it’s 🙅♂️ not gonna happen..

Her so called friendship just makes things a bit harder for me sometimes, but I will try to work it out. I do see girls around and talk to them to and hope I found one who’s interested..

[Kev0505]

@Last Gentlemen

 

Thanks for your straight advice, I like it and helps me understand a lot ..

 

Lol yeah I helped her move out from one dorm to another one lol just 2 days after she dumped me.. I was still in pain but I just did it hoping she would change her mind lol...

I tried to chase her after the breaking she would ignore and be moody..

Then I decided to leave her alone but as for now that we are taking classes together, she is sticking onto me pretending she likes me..

 

The so called dating only lasted a month and half and she got rid of him, i had never done anything bad to her... God sees it

(But we could kiss and spend hours and hours together)

Yeah that’s the sad story but thanks so much for your help..

 

I will take your last phrase totally in consideration..