Help: my wife and I live in different states

[okcemt]

Hi there. My wife and I have been together for 6 years. We almost got divorced this year and are trying to hold on to what we have. I’m ashamed to say I was abusive in our relationship. I don’t condone it I’m just being honest. Well naturally she left me and fell in love with another guy and moved in with him for a while. After she left I moved to another state because I assumed that we were done and that it was all my fault. Before I moved I had a one nighter with a random woman because of my pain. I regret it. Then my wife ended things with the guy and she wants to work things out with me. I love her so much. I got an apartment for us and she quit her job and was going to move but then changed her mind at the last moment. She moved in with her parents. I don’t blame her for not trusting me. But I’ve had counseling about my behavior and have changed completely. I want her back despite everything. I want her to have our children and to grow old with her. I told her I won’t pressure her to move in with me and I don’t. But it tears me up inside to be apart. The plan is that we will be back together once I finish paramedic school in 18 months. I’m just looking for some advice on how to best handle this.

[Hollyj]

How long were you in counseling ? Why did you abuse?

[abitbroken]

if you are an abusive man and moved to another state and expect her to join you, you would be isolating her from her family and friends. Abusers often isolate their victims. She deserves to have a support network being that she needs one - not lured out to another state where you may or may not abuse her again. You don't truly know if you have changed -- you got scared because you lost her and it feels like you have but once you are back in the old routine you could get comfortable and go back to your old ways, you know? I would let her be and continue counseling. She did the right thing by moving in with her parents instead of you

[okcemt]

I was abusive in the past. I’m ashamed I bacme that way. It would start when she would be yelling at me in my face if I made her upset. I didn’t know how to handle someone yelling and screaming in my face. Looking back I wish I would have kissed her instead of being abusive. Violence is never a solution. I had stopped being violent toward the end of our time together. We still talk on the phone, and use FaceTime regularly. We also go on trips about every two or three months so we can spend time together. I did counseling for about 4 months. I haven’t gone in a while because of the cost. Thank you for the advice. And I don’t want to isolate her from her support system. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know I’ve been a monster but I want to be the man I should. It’s been about 8 months since we moved apart. We haven’t filed for separate or anything. We are trying to work things out. I just would like some advice on how to better treat my wife. I love her more than anything.