Enemy Am I

[ender saved]

So, I don't really SI like I used to. I used to cut everyday almost for a year. occasionally, before that and for the past 5 months I haven't cut at all... That's not to say I haven't thought about it, because I do pretty much everyday.

 

How I stop myself from cutting is by writing. Sometimes I write just random thoughts and sometimes poems. I find that ficusing on SI'ing without actually doing it causes the same emotions I would experience had I cut, so it's an alternative, maybe not a good one, but it's better than cutting, tho I do miss it. Here's a poem I wrote that I'm sure everyone can take to heart:

 

Enemy Am I

Throw them away

These feelings I keep.

Tears no more

Shall I weep.

Rivers no more

Shall I flow.

 

I'm trapped in here,

Inside my head.

Spinning 'round

Pain to be bled.

My sadness lingers,

And my love lets fade.

 

Void of feelings

Am I now.

Sick of patience,

Awaiting deliverance.

Horrid are visions

In my mirror.

 

My scrapes and cuts

Prove the horror.

Self-inflicted,

Motives unknown.

The enemy am I,

And I am alone.

--------------------

 

I know none of us are truly alone, but you know, sometimes you can be in a room FULL of loved ones and still feel so completely alone. It's like when people you love don't know you SI, you feel like you're lying to them so it's like you put this big space between you and them so they can't find out, and so, they're there, but you're still so alone... don't we all know it...

 

~Ren

[From_Now_On]

Beautiful

 

Sad, and true.

 

It's magnificent to hear you have overcome SI.

 

Take Care.

 

-FNO

[bjd123]

God bless you and keep you. Writing is a way of expressing your soul...let the words flow and by the way, they are beautiful. You are finding a positive way to heal yourself and as you read over your notes you will be able to see personal growth. Understand that the good Lord loves you. There are so many experiences in this world that will bring you pain and you have to learn that God made us strong enough to feel and deal with anything that comes our way. When you are at your weakest, He will give you a good way to get you out of it...who do you think helped you to figure out that writing instead of cutting was a better solution. There is beauty and goodness in this world...there is a community of kindness found where God's angels and his entire army exist. Have faith that you will enter and live there from this day forward.

[imagi]

Your poem is really beautiful and very true.

 

I think you'll think about it everyday for the rest of your life even on the best of days, but five months is amazing. Congratulations