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How can I (M/17) deal with shyness and lack of self-confidence of (F/17)?


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Hello community, First of all: Please excuse my lack of English language skills, but I will try my best.


We both (I, M/17 and she, F/17, let's call her Julia) know from school, but she is grade below me.

We started texting (late december) when Julia was on a school trip (I was not).

First it was just a factually conversation about a school concert we were going to do the sound engineering for, but the conversation turned a bit more private, we talked about school and a bit about our strength and weaknesses.


Later Julia asked about the time between the rehearsal and the concert, i.e. whether we would be alone for those few hours. We both knew, that usually we wouldn't, but I agreed to fib a bit and make the other people go on this evening.


A bit later, she started droppings hints, like, for example, sending a photo of the shower from the youth hostel she was at and adding that (translated) "the shower has also room for two people, hehehe ;-)".


The next day: Everybody left the concert hall, except both of us. And suddenly, she seemed to be very shy. We listened to some of my music (she declined to tell me which music she listens to) and had a bit small talk, but nothing happened.

We continued to write on a daily basis, not excessively, but regularly.


Now the problems begin: Julia has three admirers in her grade. They know that she is definitely not interested in them in any way, but they don't really leave her alone.

They come up with clumsy come-on lines every now and then (she sent me screenshots).

Together with her friends she created the illusion of being in a relationship, just to deal with the three admirers.

She chose a pop star from Korea which is not really known here, but the admirers don't know his name and just breefly saw pictures of him (for example, her mobile background picture).


Of course I was interested in his name, but she first declined to tell me, but later in a conversation she told me his name.

Julia is an average performer in school, but always tells me, how stupid and incompetent she is.

At this point I have to mention that I am very intelligent and for example potter at math topics which are far beyond from what's expected from somebody of my age.

Furthermore, we (Julia and me) are shipped by her friends and her best female friend, but this will become important later.


Julia told me that she is very bad at maths, so I offered (around 3 weeks ago) to give her a bit of private coaching.

A few days ago, she asked my whether this offer still holds - of course, it does, I said.

I asked her when she had time and she replied that I should choose a time, so I chose yesterday.

She told her friends that we were going to meet to practise maths and she let me know, that one friend of her said that we were not going to have time to practise maths anyways, because we would be busy doing other things.

Furthermore she told me that here best (female) friend randomly starts conversations about how nice it would be when we were in a relationship.


I'm in contact with her best friend and she told me that she wouldn't expect Julia to make the first step and that Julia seems to be a bit overwhelmed, because four boys are interested in her.

But her best friend also told me that she thinks that I have the best chances of all admirers.

Yesterday we met and practised maths a little bit.

There were no serious problems, but at some point, after finishing an exercise, we had a bit small talk again.

I knew that the local cinema would show a movie this evening, so I asked her how she feels like about accompanying me.


Julia agreed but told me she would first need to ask her mother. It took a while to get a reply, so we had more small talk.

I know that she really likes pizza, so I asked her what she thinks about eating to a local restaurant before we go to the cinema.


To cut a long story short: We went to the restaurant and had a very nice dinner, but she seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by my manners, like, going on the street side, opening the doors for her, assisting her in getting into the jacket, carrying her handbag and so on.


We had a nice talk and she finally told me her career aspirations after some efforts at persuasion, because she thought I would make fun about her career aspirations (of course I did not!).


Afterwards we went to the cinema and after some time she abutted against my shoulder and my head, but the touching heads seemed to be a bit uncomfortable for her.


Today we wrote disproportionately little, but her best friend told me that (F/17) does not have something on the mind.


So... How should I continue? I find it very difficult to deal with a lack of self confidence and shyness (because I am overly self confident).


Do you have any tips?




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