Really struggling after relationship with a (most likely) sociopath

[Blossomxo]

Recently I posted about my breakup with my first love well this is also about him.

 

I know sociopath is not a word to throw around and only a special diagnose can verify that but after reading many articles I’m almost sure I was in a 4 year relationship with one. He once told me while I was on the floor crying that I should understand that he doesn’t care about anything or anyone and went as far to say that if his parents died tomorrow he wouldn’t be happy but it wouldn’t be a big deal. On countless ocasions and throughout our time together I could have not ignored more red flags. However he was my first real relationship and I thought I could help and change him with my love. His mother and I spoke a few times and she told me that ever since he was very very young teachers and people would tell her he had a problem with compulsive lying. Lying was a huge problem in our relationship. Memories in my head won’t stop replaying... memories where he would swear to god, on my life, and his parents while looking me straight in the eye while he lied and I already knew the truth. There are infinite examples of the obvious sociopath behavior but you get the picture...

 

I know you can blame me for staying in that emotionally abusive relationship, believe I’ve already done that. However he was so manipulating that he would turn his mistakes on me and made me believe it was my fault for being crazy or not trusting him. Of course not all was bad or I would have not fallen so deeply. He was extremely charming and knew me so well, we had many good moments that I now believe were not real to him. We broke up after thanksgiving and days later he already had a new girl which he is now in a relationship with. He reached out to me a few times saying he wanted to be with me while he was traveling with the new girl. When I confronted him about being with the girl on a trip he said he wasn’t with anyone and he was home. His snap location said he was in Switzerland 3 mins ago... after this I blocked him from all social media.

 

I never considered myself a weak person but I believe this can happen to even the strongest women. However now I’m having an extremely difficult time coping with this apart from it being my first heartbreak. I’ve deleted his number and cut contact with him and have tried to get on with my life but I feel so damaged. I feel it has affected the so much to the point I believe all he would say about me is true.To think that I still wonder if there’s better than this “first love” of mine.

[Lambert]

well...it takes time and first love is confusing bc heck, its your first love! maybe start by feeling good that you even started to regain yourself by deleting etc.

 

do u have to run into him?

[Blossomxo]

well...it takes time and first love is confusing bc heck, its your first love! maybe start by feeling good that you even started to regain yourself by deleting etc.

 

do u have to run into him?

 

I know it takes time it’s just my mind torturing me at all times even when I try to keep busy. Fortunately I do not have to run into him so that helps.

[Lambert]

I know it takes time it’s just my mind torturing me at all times even when I try to keep busy. Fortunately I do not have to run into him so that helps.

i know you gotta do things to occupy yourself. sometimes i will take a new way to work or listen to music i usually don't. small changes can get your focus out of autopilot and help change your perspective.

[Blossomxo]

i know you gotta do things to occupy yourself. sometimes i will take a new way to work or listen to music i usually don't. small changes can get your focus out of autopilot and help change your perspective.

 

It’s true, I find myself doing these things in order to change it up and not relate him to those things. Thank you for taking the time!

[Lambert]

It’s true, I find myself doing these things in order to change it up and not relate him to those things. Thank you for taking the time!

sure thing! it is tough but it gets easier if you dont give up!

[Hollyj]

Trying to help and change people is called CO DEPENDENCE!

 

This was long distance and the guy had a boatload of issues: "I had an impact on him for helping with drug/alchohol/compulsive lying/ problems along with bad influences for which he and his family still thank me for. We broke up at the end of November right before he was supposed to come for the holidays the very next day I found out he started talking to someone else and within days they were sleeping together and making plans to travel overseas together."

Work on yourself to understand what attracted YOU to this unhealthy dynamic. And, stop looking for men who are projects and long distance.

 

Of course there is better. And stop putting so much weight into "first loves." I would rather be single forever, than put up with this garbage.

 

Please seek out counseling.

[Blossomxo]

Trying to help and change people is called CO DEPENDENCE!

 

Work on yourself to understand what attracted YOU to this unhealthy dynamic. And, stop looking for men who are projects and long distance.

 

Of course there is better. And stop putting so much weight into "first loves." I would rather be single forever, than put up with this garbage.

 

Please seek out counseling.

 

Thank you for taking the time. Yes I do realize now that ending that was the best thing for me however regardless of how toxic the relationship was it still hurts. You are right, I am not looking for a man at the moment and like you said instead I’m trying to work on myself and hopefully learn to love myself again.

[Hollyj]

Please, stay single for a long while, so that you do not get involved with the same type. You really need to address your co dependency. Check out CODA.

 

Depend on yourself for your own happiness, not others. this is how one attracts healthy partners. Also look for local people when you are good for dating.

 

All the best!