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Anxious because I kissed him!

Lady D

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I'm prob exaggerating here but looking for some reassurance I guess, I'm paranoid at the best of times...


There is a chap who was pursuing me for five months, we work together, when I met him I had a fear of men due to past experiences and didn't let him get close for a long time in a nutshell - he would call me pretty etc and a wonderful lady and be complimentary and I guess I slowly thawed and then he said we should do something together and we should go for a drink - his pursuit was heavy, calling daily, appearing in my vicinity regularly etc and now it has become more real


So he hinted we should see each other out of work and at first I thought he was joking then realised he was serious and then we started to see each other more often in the street and one day we hugged and kissed each other on the cheeks and held hands etc and he mentioned the drink again and I took the bait this time and asked when, he said to let him know


I did let him know...and I gave him my mobile number ( which he cannot ring, it wouldn't feel safe to him, we have both discussed that we don't want to risk anybody knowing we are seeing each other etc and must be discreet, he is senior to me in the organisation ) - the only downside was when I agreed he said he hoped I was not too emotionally attached after I said I liked lots of things about him...it blew over though, I said, what do you mean and then he said, what do you like about me...he asked if I had somebody too or I lived alone, I told him I lived alone with my own place and he said that was good


Anyway to cut this long story short saw him again and discussed the date, I said I wasn't sure if he still wanted to go ( hadn't heard from him for a day or so as he was very busy ) and he said he did and when I saw him he was very caring and kind, asking how I was, concerned I might be being bullied at work etc, he knows I am having a hard time at work - he said he would try and swap his shift and would let me know


What I am anxious about is that I was so glad to have him there with me, at the end of our conversation I suddenly hugged him and kissed him on the lips...!! It was really spontaneous haha and it was only an innocent kiss on the lips, not a French kiss


He did hold me at arm's length I think, can't quite remember but sure he didn't mind, he didn't pull away, I don't know! Or maybe he held me tight, it's a blur lol


Then horrible paranoia overtook me lol because he said " look after yourself " and I said " and you ", bye bye and we walked our separate ways, he is a colleague but works on different premises...I am worried that he meant goodbye because I had kissed him! I worry too much - this is not what I normally do but in a way I was glad I expressed my affection for him as I do really like him and I normally used to act avoidant with men never showing them how much I liked them, plus shows I am physically attracted and not just emotionally


I am also worried he did hold me at arm's length because he is an extremely religious person, almost fanatical, perhaps he thinks a kiss on the lips is sinful...!


Do you think this is fine, he was probably just being kind I guess in saying look after yourself......! Thanks DLD, biggest worrier in the world ( this is why I find it easier being single! )


Any help or insight gratefully received! Thank you for reading X

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I wouldn't worry too much about what he said, but seriously I think this will be disastrous if you let it go any further. I wouldn't trust this guy, and the fact that you work with him - if it doesn't work out, you could have a whole new set of problems. I think he is a player looking for a hook-up.

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Thanks Silverbirch, I'm just curious, what makes you think he is a player? I think you may be right, the pursuit was heavy so it seemed so a bit and maybe I'm deluding myself

He is a strict Christian, I used this to convince myself that he wasn't a player!

It's all been fine so far and none of this has affected our working relationship, it has made our working relationship stronger and better in fact - he has paid compliments about me to my Boss and been supportive of me but I still deep down suspect he may possibly be a player...my first day in the company he said under his breath when he saw me that I should come and pay him a visit, it was a bit dodgy I must say lol and that was two years ago, I then didn't speak to him at all until about five months ago when I began working more closely with him


I'm not interested in a hook up, but yeah maybe he is as he's pleased I have my own place and he asked where I lived...he could possibly be but not necessarily


Then again he's always saying how Christian he is and he takes care of his mother, he acts caring and concerned but he may be a player you are right


I don't worry about this affecting our working relationship, we have a laugh, we talk, I have no desire to damage his career and since he has been promoted we don't really work directly together anymore X

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Actually I'm sure he's not a player, he's a private person...and he worked on Christmas day, he is a very hard worker and spends a lot of time at church so instinct says to me he is not but maybe just overly keen...it was just the kiss thing I was worried about I guess X

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