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Girl Help...I love her..a lot

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Hello, I've never really posted on a forum before of any kind. I am a lesbian in my early twenties, i came out toward the end of 2015. I am also a Christian! Which might play into this.

So my story, in high school I met two girls and we instantly became friends from our freshman year until now, and at this point, we are still best friends. Around this time i was still discovering my sexuality. I had my first real crush on one of the girls when i was 15 and pretty much the next two years. I told her about my crush and she liked me but not in the way i liked her. Devastation! But I got over it, i think, and we continued on with our friendship. SO we will name the girls E (the girl i had a crush on) and L(our other best friend). L and I at the time were not best friend, just friends. Our group consisted of other girls and we stayed like that till we graduated. Now E and I were best friends our freshman year, and then another girl came along and they became friends and yeah that another story. So anyway, we all graduate high school, during my senior year L and I really became close, and i was still in the closet at this time. We graduated and remained friends L and I went to the same college and E went to another college but we all remained friends. Now L and I spent a lot of time together the years following our graduation. We saw each other weekly, we hung out, and eventually we were inseparable. Now i have never felt romantic in a sexual way toward L, and I came out to her in 2016 (months after i came out to everyone else) she obviously was completely fine with it. But I've noticed our relationship is different from other ones. I love both E and L very much but for me L and I just have something different. My heart skips a beat when i am around her or talk to her, i could lay down all day and hug each other and do nothing but watch Netflix in bed together all day. I want to spend my future with her, i want to live around her, work at the same hospital together spend every waking moment with her. I have never felt a sexual feeling for her, visioning myself with her just feels wrong and not something i want to do honestly. It just i love her so strongly and so deeply, i can't put it into words. She is my world, i want to laugh all day with her, be in her presence and just always be there. And I know she loves me back and that she wants to be in my life. But i can't help but feel a pit in my stomach about this, i feel like expressing my love for her, but maybe she will take it wrong ( LIke I’m into her sexually). I just deeply emotionally and mentally love this girl with every fiber of my being, every beat of my heart. I’m in love with her- but not in a romantic way. I even plan our future together, how we will live, work, do everything together.

I love this girl, writing this i can't help but smile thinking of her. And i hate sharing her, of course she will find a man (she is straight) marry him, and have more kinds (she has our son, who is also my Godson). I drive myself crazy worrying about the fact that I am gay and that she will get the wrong vibe or feeling (like i want her in a romantic way) and though she never mentioned ever feeling like i was coming onto her, i worry that she might feel that way. There isn't a day that goes by where we don’t send a hundred messages saying i love you, i love you more, i love you most. Everyday! And it just feels so right. And also, wrong.


Now i am a Christian, a baby one. I am also gay ( so that doesn’t work out too good) I have come to the conclusion that i will never get married, because im Gay. And because of that ( and i realize that, that sounds crazy, But i love women, i want women, i want to marry one, and for reasons i rather not go too deep into, i cannot marry a woman) And i think i am okay with that, as long as i can keep her in my life, as close as we are now. But I’m worried that i am somehow doing this wrong, like it wrong for me to love her this way, this deeply, and not have an sexual intentions. I look at her and all i want to do is smile and hug her forever and never let go, i am so proud of her, and i want to make her happy, I would give the world to her. But i feel like i am wrong. Is it possible to be a lesbian and have this type of love for another woman, with no sexual desires at all? Can i love her this deeply and wholly (maybe the wrong word) and it not be wrong? I want to tell her i love her every single day for the rest of her life, i don't love her like a sister, i love her way deeper than that. I'm just not sure what this is, what i should do, or if i am wrong. Please Help

Any advice would be great

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OK. Slow down! Your friend already knows you love her. She's a really close friend to you and you're a really close friend to her. You can feel this way about her. But you never know what the future holds for the two of you. You may be able to remain close friends with her for your entire life. My wife has two friends that she has been close to for almost 40 years. So it can be done. And you don't have to state the obvious to her by telling her. It'll sound a bit creepy. You'll come off as clingy and possessive. Keep it as your secret. And you don't know, it might be you who finds someone to love first so this whole discussion may be moot.


Now have you had sexual relations with a woman? You might be confusing the intimate feeling of friendship with the even more intimate feeling of a relationship. They're not that much different. My wife is my best friend -- except with sex! There's only a slight difference between the two.


So calm down. Don't get too crazy or you'll ruin a great relationship. And stop worrying about the future. There's still plenty of present to experience.

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