I don't know if I lost her forever or not.

[drakon12]

Hello everyone. First, I'm a 25 year old male and the girl I will mention in this thread is a few years younger than me. I met her at university, I always kinda had a thing for her. But this year we got close and I fell in love with her. It's funny because I know it probably wouldn't work since I had such experiences went bad before. But anyways, I fell in love with her and it was out of my control, so I decided to do my best. It was going really well or I thought so. We talked a lot, we connected, we were compatible in many aspects. I thought she liked me too, as a friend at worst. I didn't tell her how I felt because she implied that she wanted things to grow naturally, like being friends for years then deciding to be in a relationship, marrying, etcetera. But her close friends knew how I felt about her. So I followed that path of least resistance.

 

Things were going fine, then I gave her a little meaningful gift. For that day, things went better, she was like more into me and wanted to know more about me. But two days after that, I called her and she didn't respond. Neither she called me back anytime close. I've put an Insta-story with me and her ex (there were a couple more people too) and she DM'd me, asking about what this project was about. I got mad because I felt that she would use her ex to get my attention or to make me jealous and I didn't respond. Think about it, couple weeks passed with no contact and she hits me up with that kind of thing. The day later, she called me. I picked up the phone and I was pretty cold to her since she got on my nerves. She asked something about a lecture anyway, I didn't think it was to check me out. Then she sent me a couple of texts and I answered with a single sentence. Then she asked me if I was mad about her. I told her it was nothing and I was just busy. She said okay and we haven't talked her since. Even though we left it at that note, she'd check my stories on Instagram and liked my posts, but I went full ghost. She saw me once in the university with my friends, but didn't bother coming and saying hello -which is very unusual for a social butterfly like her-. IF she has feelings for me, how can I know it and how can I salvage this relationship? What should I do when I see her on the next term? I'm already seeing other girls if that's what you'd recommend, but I think a connection like we had with this girl is something else and if it's salvagable, I want to save it. Thanks in advance.

[Hollyj]

I don't think she sees you as more than a friend. In the future. Be upfront about wanting to date people, don't wait for them to come around. You will save yourself time and heartache.

[Mari]

You say you're trying to salvage this connection but your actions are everything against salvaging it.

 

You haven't told her how you feel. You haven't asked her for a relationship. You are seeking other girls and giving her the cold shoulder. When she asks you if you are angry you just tell her you're busy. She's probably going to find out that you're dating other girls so you have time for them but you're too busy for her. The message you're sending her is that you don't want to be with her. Instead of that, just go up to her and ask her if she'd like a relationship with you. After explaining your rude behavior towards her.

[drakon12]

Well, if she were to ask I would explain my actions, face to face. I made it crystal clear that I wanted a relationship with her and she knows it. Also my actions are not even close to "rude" when I compare it to her actions. That isn't the first time she's demonstrating that "I won't answer and I won't explain my actions because I don't care" attitude. If that's not rude I don't know what is.

[Mari]

Well, if she were to ask I would explain my actions, face to face. I made it crystal clear that I wanted a relationship with her and she knows it. Also my actions are not even close to "rude" when I compare it to her actions. That isn't the first time she's demonstrating that "I won't answer and I won't explain my actions because I don't care" attitude. If that's not rude I don't know what is.

 

She has already asked. That's when she said are you angry with me? You didn't explain and brushed it off. There are a couple of assumptions you're making and these assumptions are going to cause a lot of problems for you:

 

1) "Whatever I do doesn't count because if you compare to what someone else does it's better." This is an invalid assumption. What you do does count and stands on its own without comparison. Even if she is even more rude what you do still counts. It's just that both people are rude.

 

2) "I love a person and I'm willing to work towards it as long as they figure out this one specific way of reaching out to me, if they don't then they're not interested." This is invalid because all higher communication sits on top of lesser communication. If you're not willing to talk to her without being face to face then how do you expect her to setup a face to face conversation. A lot of people do this as a defense mechanism to not get hurt but instead they just create a scar for the rest of their life.

 

It seems like you're conflicted on being with this girl and getting back at her for ignoring you. So unless she does something spectacular to show how much she loves you it's not going to cancel out the pain you've felt from her not responding quickly to you. I recommend trying to forgive what she did as this will help you get her.