Stefa16 Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 So we made up after we broke up in Oct 2017, I have made a few personality adjustments (I likened myself to a spitting cobra when I am upset with something and this DOES NOT work when you want a relationship to work; worked on the trust issues, etc.). The back story is not needed cos this post is not related to it. We live in the same town +/- 20mins away from each other. This is about my child's father's visitation. She started school (16months old) yesterday and I collect her at 17:15 so it is a long day and it makes sense for her to be full day in terms of my work schedule. He currently does not have a car at this moment (actually for a while now), so he said he can only have her every second weekend, I told him that I do not like this and I believe my daughter deserves more than this. But then I apologised to him for trying to force my values and principles on him and we will do the arrangement that he wants to do. I also told him that I was not upset or had an attitude (we had/have destructive communication issues and I am making an effort to work on mine - it feels a bit unnatural but it is something I have to practice). I used to react very quickly on my current emotional state, I used to trigger a snowball effect but now I take a step back.....process my feelings, if it takes a few hours so be it. But then he said I am trying to force my standards on him and that upsets him and that arrangement can only work based on his circumstances. But I mean you live 20mins away, the bus operates until 20:30 is it so much of an effort to see your child. It should not be her problem that you do not have a car, so I got a suggestion from somewhere that perhaps I could drop him off at his place then........fuel is expensive this side but I hear this is called compromise. I will suggest this when the situation has calmed down a bit. but all this freak out and upset I kept to myself because at this moment whatever I say will not come out constructively (as I said I have to practice this being calm and effective communication skills so please bear with me and try not to judge too harshly). So any advise please, how do I, a reformed snowballer, handle this effectively, should I just stick with his twice a week although it makes me unhappy for my daughter's sake........? Link to comment
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