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How do I handle this effectively without spitting venom?


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So we made up after we broke up in Oct 2017, I have made a few personality adjustments (I likened myself to a spitting cobra when I am upset with something and this DOES NOT work when you want a relationship to work; worked on the trust issues, etc.).


The back story is not needed cos this post is not related to it.


We live in the same town +/- 20mins away from each other. This is about my child's father's visitation. She started school (16months old) yesterday and I collect her at 17:15 so it is a long day and it makes sense for her to be full day in terms of my work schedule.


He currently does not have a car at this moment (actually for a while now), so he said he can only have her every second weekend, I told him that I do not like this and I believe my daughter deserves more than this. But then I apologised to him for trying to force my values and principles on him and we will do the arrangement that he wants to do.


I also told him that I was not upset or had an attitude (we had/have destructive communication issues and I am making an effort to work on mine - it feels a bit unnatural but it is something I have to practice).


I used to react very quickly on my current emotional state, I used to trigger a snowball effect but now I take a step back.....process my feelings, if it takes a few hours so be it.


But then he said I am trying to force my standards on him and that upsets him and that arrangement can only work based on his circumstances. But I mean you live 20mins away, the bus operates until 20:30 is it so much of an effort to see your child.


It should not be her problem that you do not have a car, so I got a suggestion from somewhere that perhaps I could drop him off at his place then........fuel is expensive this side but I hear this is called compromise. I will suggest this when the situation has calmed down a bit.


but all this freak out and upset I kept to myself because at this moment whatever I say will not come out constructively (as I said I have to practice this being calm and effective communication skills so please bear with me and try not to judge too harshly).


So any advise please, how do I, a reformed snowballer, handle this effectively, should I just stick with his twice a week although it makes me unhappy for my daughter's sake........?

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The initial agreement when we were not together was every second weekend. Note, when we were not together, we are together now so there is not that awkwardness where you don't want to be in each other's faces more than you should.


I hear you both and thank you for the replies but is there perhaps a more amicable approach....?

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If you want to change the terms of the visitation, you need to ask him to take her off your hands more often and specify when and which dates and stick to it. You are the one asking for the favor so being amicable is in your best interest. Being arbitrary is not good for anyone involved.

The initial agreement when we were not together was every second weekend.
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