How do I open up to my therapist about transference?

[Merope]

So I’ve been in therapy for about two months now and I’m experiencing very strong feelings of transference. I see my T as a father figure and I think about him a lot. I know where these feelings are coming from (absent father, emotionally distant stepfather who never had my back, childhood emotional abuse), yet I feel deeply ashamed of them.

 

I want to tell my T about it, but I don’t know how to go about it without making it awkward. My T is a CBT therapist (he’s helping me deal with low self esteem, self harm etc). I read that transference in CBT is not seen as central as it is seen in psychoanalytical therapy, but I read that my T is also trained in humanistic and psychodynamic therapy. I’m sure he’s aware of transference, I just don’t know what his personal take on it is.

 

I think I’m afraid of him referring me to someone else because of this. I’m not used to people (particularly men) sticking around and so I never really share my feelings as Im afraid they’d be too much. Therapy with him is the closest thing I’ve experienced to being seen, understood and not judged and I don’t want to screw that up because at the moment he’s a bit of a lifeline and we are making progress (I think).

 

Any thoughts on how I should go about this would be greatly welcome. I’m an awkward, shy person and the idea of opening up about this to him makes me want to crawl under a rug and never come out. At the same time, the urge to tell him this is very strong as I think it would help me deal with my shame/ emotional wounds.

 

Many thanks in advance.

[Wiseman2]

Being honest with yourself and your therapist is the first step in any help you hope to benefit from.

[panther]

Happened to me (psychoanalysis though). Yes, it's awkward but if he has some years of experience I am sure this isn't the first time and anyway, he has to be familiar with this being a thing.

 

If he is a good therapist, he will not make it more awkward than it already is and will work with you on those feelings. Sending you to a colleague because of this, would make him a bad one in my opinion, as he would be acting in a similar way all other men have, in your life so far.

[Merope]

If he is a good therapist, he will not make it more awkward than it already is and will work with you on those feelings. Sending you to a colleague because of this, would make him a bad one in my opinion, as he would be acting in a similar way all other men have, in your life so far.

 

I hope you are right. It would be a shame, considering that I feel like I can talk to him about stuff I never said out loud before. I think I'll wait a little longer before bringing this up wth him. Maybe he'll say something in a future session that will make it easier to go into a conversation about transference. How did your therapist react to your transference if you don't mind me asking?

 

Thank you!

[panther]

I hope you are right. It would be a shame, considering that I feel like I can talk to him about stuff I never said out loud before. I think I'll wait a little longer before bringing this up wth him. Maybe he'll say something in a future session that will make it easier to go into a conversation about transference. How did your therapist react to your transference if you don't mind me asking?

 

Thank you!

 

It was really awkward for me naturally and maybe a bit for him too but he said this is very normal and happens all the time. I remember his voice tone changed to a very soft one, like he didn't want to make me feel bad. I think I avoided the issue in further sessions. It is really hard to talk about it. I hope your therapist makes it easier for you to talk about it more than once.

 

I also want to mention that during all our sessions I was lying on the couch, with him sitting on a place I couldn't see him so there was never eye contact, I guess that makes it all easier (it's also one of the purposes of the lying chair. :) )