imthinking Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Hi guys... I would love a bit of advice on this please. I am male, early 20s. So, I work with someone who has always flirted with me at work. Then on a night out they really came on to me pretty hard and we ended up going home together. Then they asked me out a few days later and we went on a date and it went really well. She ended up coming to mine. I have never had someone so obviously interested in me before. On this date she said that she had a bf, which I did not know about, but that she had broken-up with him after the first time we slept together. Now, after this I find out that she had not broken up with him... I confront her, and she is like - its complicated etc. She is texting me stuff like she really likes me etc. Then I hear from someone else that she has cheated on him like loads... So I feel like this is kind of messed up, and its probably obvious I am being messed about, but would like some other opinions please :) Link to comment
tesscap21 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 It sounds like she isn’t happy in her current relationship but you’re just another guy that she is cheating with. Don’t let her text about her really liking you fool you. She has a boyfriend, and if she really wanted to be serious with you or anyone else for that matter she would breakup with her current boyfriend and stop messing around with multiple men. If she is cheating on the man she is with now, she would most likely cheat on you as well if you dated. If you want to know her true intentions you can ask her yourself, but it sounds like she can’t stay committed to one person. Besides, when you asked her and she said it’s complicated, that should be a huge red flag that she couldn’t give you a straight answer. Link to comment
imthinking Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 yeah... she is bad news I know, because I would definitely just get cheated on if we were together. Also, I am close to making a fool of myself at work over her. I think she does really like me, but I think she just likes attention more. And she gets a lot because she is beautiful. Link to comment
imthinking Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 Howdy y'all. I have some updates on the situation, which has changed. The new situation is more positive than before, but is also stressing me. I would love some input and advice. She did breakup with her bf. I acted cool about it and basically said 'whatever, ok', to avoid being hurt, and she has subsequently stressed that it was not for me that she did it. Whether this is genuine or just a reaction to me I don't know. We have continued to see each other romantically, but there have recently been some speed bumps and signs of trouble. We have been seeing each other now a couple of times a week for like a month and a bit and I am falling for her and can feel that I am becoming more into her than she is into me. I feel like I am losing control of the situation. I asked her to come to my grandmas birthday celebrations, and she was not up for it, but she has met my mother occasionally as she has visited my house when she was there and has been to my mum's house. She is quite hot and cold - one minute she is all over me and the next she neglects me and behaves in a way that I would consider to be quite rude/hurtful. The obvious truth is that she is not at the level I am at. She gets a significant amount of attention from men being very attractive and flirtatious. I feel that she likes me but for two reasons it is proving difficult to take it to the next level. One, I have quite a cold personality, and am anxious and morose typically and generally find it difficult have fun relaxed conversations. Two, I behaved badly recently in front of people we both know and made a foolish scene, I was talking loudly and basically embarrassing her and trying to make her feel bad. This was alcohol fuelled and to do with the girl and my insecurities. I regret this and it is not part of my personality. She explicitly said after this that she is now not sure about me. ....I need to rescue the situation and feel a big gesture is necessary. So do I - go nuclear and say that I love her and want to be with her and just her period. Or, do I just batten down the hatches and continue slowly and cautiously as I have been and watch things slowly cool. Or neither! ... .. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 yeah... she is bad news I know, because I would definitely just get cheated on if we were together. Also, I am close to making a fool of myself at work over her. I think she does really like me, but I think she just likes attention more. And she gets a lot because she is beautiful. Is this a girl you would like to take home to meet your mother? Really, a cheating turd? You'll NEVER be able to trust her because she is without personal boundaries, morals or empathy. She won't care if you're the one she is cheating on next. When someone tells you that their relationship is "complicated" while having sex with you, you back away from them because their outer beauty is disguising an inner ugly. She will shred you. Unfortunately you forsake your own personal boundaries to be with her because she's "hot." You ignored her inner whacko and now you're a jiggling jello of insecurity... because you know she's not trustworthy. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 After that mishap, don't say 'l love you' I think that will backfire and you will end up even more hurt. You kinda screwed up and let your insecurities run the show, you insulted and embarrassed her. It was up to you to decide if you wanted to look past her history and date her. If you choose to do that you had no right to hang her past over her head. People change, people grow, especially in your early 20's. Your relationship is yours and your judgements of her should have been based on how she treats you. It happens all the time, people are terrible in relationships until they meet that one person who makes them want to change and do better. You chose to give her a chance. Now I think is the time to back away and let things settle and fall where they arent going to fall. If she likes you enough to forgive you awesome, if not, lesson learned. Link to comment
imthinking Posted February 4, 2018 Author Share Posted February 4, 2018 [quote She will shred you. Unfortunately you forsake your own personal boundaries to be with her because she's "hot." You ignored her inner whacko and now you're a jiggling jello of insecurity... because you know she's not trustworthy. Ha, yeah. Very well put. I completely agree Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.