Reaching out to my ex, what now?

[Leumas369]

Okay so I dated this girl about a year and a half ago for about 5 months. It started off really awesome but it slowly died. I think that at the time I was quite confused as what to expect from a relationship and I was pretty anxious, so much so that I tried to grab on to her and lock her down and I would bring up things like marriage etc far too soon into the relationship (sort of out of fear) anyway I think that made her really uncomfortable and I could see her pulling away from me which made me even more scared so I tried talking to her about it but I could never get anything out of her in terms of our relationship together (maybe she was scared too?) and after a few attempts I gave up and I broke up with her (basically ran away) and of course in a panic I begged for her back but I think she had lost any respect she had for me by that point.

 

Anyway I called it quits and moved on and basically tried to convince myself that she was the one with the problem. I traveled over seas and had a lot of positive life experiences and met other women and dated them which has improved my confidence massively but I still always think about her and I keep telling myself that I want to try again but this time not be a complete wimp about it.

 

Over the New Years period I felt a bit lonely so I wished her a happy new year and we have been chatting to each other a little bit which we haven't done in a long time and its nice but I also still have this fear that she thinks im not really worthy of her (im writing this now because she has stopped responding to my messages) all I want is to just take her out and show her a better version of myself than I was. Some girl advice would be pretty helpful here she was also a virgin when I met her which makes me feel pretty horrible about the whole situation, is it possible that she might have a spot for me or is it gone?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening for you. It's important not to be clingy again. Get a hold of your emotions and don't do things out of fear, desperation, loneliness etc. Lay back this time. Is she with someone?

Over the New Years period I felt a bit lonely so I wished her a happy new year and we have been chatting to each other a little bit (im writing this now because she has stopped responding to my messages)

[SweetGirl28]

Wiseman is right. You reached out for the wrong reason---loneliness.

 

What did you say that she stopped responding?

Did you ask her out? Is she dating anyone?

 

When you message an ex, especially after so long, the is no commitment from either

person to keep a conversation going, nor respond in a timely manner.

Basically, you have to be prepared for the fact that you might be left hanging for hours, days,

or may not get responses at all.

 

Your relationship was very short, so there wasn't enough time for true emotions and connections

to be made.

 

Why is her being a virgin making you feel horrible? Did you take her virginity?

[Leumas369]

Well I don't think lonely was the right word more the fact that I think about her a lot. She isn't seeing anyone at the moment I don't think and we have just been chatting about what each other has been doing since the break. I would like to see her and tell her how I feel, do you think that would scare her? I feel bad because for her first boyfriend I didn't do a very good job.

[Starlight925]

I'm in a very similar situation as you right now, and I, too, have stopped responding to the guy. I dated someone a couple of years ago who never seemed to have time for me, so I ended it, and he is now writing to me. After we exchanged a few pleasantries, I let the conversation drop, because other than wishing him well, I have moved on. I actually had really liked him, but I guess for me, and possibly your girl, it's once bitten, twice shy.

 

In my case, I just feel like, well what has changed? Why put myself through that again? If I have a known (him, with his "too busy schedule"), and unknowns, which are new guys I could meet, why would I go with the known that I already had issues with, who hasn't mentioned one thing about anything that would change? I suspect your girl is questioning you in a similar way.

 

It's nice that you reached out, and if you want to ask her out, then go ahead. And make sure you talk to her about the reasons things would be different now, and gauge her response.

[Leumas369]

Hmm I understand.

 

I suggested that she keeps in contact with me and that we should do something in the future so I guess if she is game she will return the favour of reaching out. I think it would be more appropriate to talk about everything if she does that for me.

 

Patience is key right? Thanks for the responses.

[SweetGirl28]

Hmm I understand.

 

I suggested that she keeps in contact with me and that we should do something in the future so I guess if she is game she will return the favour of reaching out. I think it would be more appropriate to talk about everything if she does that for me.

 

Patience is key right? Thanks for the responses.

 

Ahh, yes. You put the ball in her court now.

Do nothing further. If she responds, okay. If not then let this go.

Good luck to you :)