BlueTowel Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Hi, My girlfriend and I had been together for three and a half years until about 3 weeks ago when she came round and out of the blue (to me) we broke up. I'm really struggling as to what to do as there are certain things about the break up which give me hope or indication that something might be salvageable. To set the key points; > My girlfriend had graduated from university earlier this year. She previously did not have many friends at university and since she has come back to her hometown she has re-established a network of friends which she used to go to school with, many of whom are in relationships themselves. This is something which i view as a complete positive, however she has felt that because her dependency for me is not what it used to be whilst she was at university she feels guilty and complacent about our relationship when we're not together (i.e. i get the impression she doesn't think of me as much as she used to, as she is now occupied with friends elsewhere). She made it clear however that when we are together that all insecurities go away and shes really happy. > She has also lost a lot of weight and looks great for it. This has subsequently caused her to get more attention from other man, however i have always trusted her implicitly in that regard. I did ask her in my initial insecurity after we broke up whether there has been anyone else but she said on. I also dont think she would have hinted at a more ambiguous reason if she had cheated, instead tell me the truth and then its black and white. The point to this bit is i feel she has some new found confidence which is great, but may also contribute to the distracted element. > Because we were together whilst she was at university (managed all three years living 150 miles away for the most part) i feel she unfortunately did not get to have the typical university experience. This isnt to suggest that she now wants to sleep around, however she has not had that independent lifestyle so to speak. > One of the problems in our relationship was that i was never forthcoming with conversations about our future. She had mentioned on several occasions that she wanted to live together, however i foolishly never offered any formal commitment, instead saying thinks like 'it's good to be aware but anything could happen between now and then'. As it stands we're not/were not in a position to live together for at least 9 months which i think added to the frustrations. > Two weeks before the break up we had a silly argument which was my fault but was blown out of proportion. Fortunately we managed to sort this out and afterwards i had some very reassuring texts saying things such as 'i feel so positive about us at the moment' and 'i really hope you're happy too'. This does make me feel like part of her decision is slightly knee-jerk and not entirely certain. > We met up a week or so after the break up and spoke. She told me her family and friends 'think shes mad' and 'are my biggest fans' which i take some bizarre positive from. It seem to contribute to the fact that she might not be entirely sure where her head is at. > The whole experience has made me realised how much i utterly adore her. I do want to live with her and can see us going to the next step, however my gut instinct tells me she needs space to figure out her life and perhaps experience the feeling of being an individual for a while. We have broken up and are both single, however i cant help but feel based on the above that it is something which is potentially salvageable in time. Im not afraid to wait for her, in fact i know she is worth it. I cant stand the thought of her being with someone else and i think if that was her intention then she would have said, again slightly more black and white. There is however part of me which does think that at the end of the day she did break it up and therefore should i take that as final? I think shes at a stage in her life where thinks are a little more insecure and uncertain and she felt like she needed to take back some control of it all. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. One thing in particular im unsure about is to how long I should leave it before i contact her. A month seems like ample time so i was thinking towards the end of January..... Thanks for reading and please do let me know of any advice... Mr Hopeful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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