a month today

[whywhywhy]

God today is so hard for me - it is exactly a month when my ex broke up with me. I do miss him and i wouldlik etosee him again to try and sort things out bu I dont think he wants to.. we do text each other but it is normally me who start sthe texting. He means so much to me and it is so hard... i might light a candle and think of the good times ..... as he made me so happy. How do I get him back??? I love him so, but not sure what he thinks of me anymore.... i am meant to be going on a date later on and I have seen this guy three times befoe but then whenever I am with him I think of my ex.. please help me should I contact him today or leave it??? I just wish I knew what he was thinking.

[Maheshkk]

i think u must give another try.. text him or call him and dont let ur ego to takeover you. Infact i'm waiting for the same kinda respons from my ex today. she had tried yday also but i dint replied to her messages. Now i'm feeling bad for that and i would definetely collect her as i used to.. Dont feel bad or depressed if he dint respons today the way ur expecting. give him one more chance. Good Luck

[whywhywhy]

i sent him a text - he has not replied. I basically said that it is a month today and I am stronger, I hope your okay and hope to see you soon maybe. and nothing. Argh have I blown this NC thing allready?? It has been a month since we split but we text each other and stuff, but it is more me doign the texting and now he wont reply to me. What does that text to you mean? Is that pushing him further away and what do I do now??? Help

[Maheshkk]

I feel that text will push me further away. U must try and text him like u care for him. ask him how is he doing or stuffs like that. But never waste an opportunity to say i love u to some one u really love because its not everyday u meet a person who has the magic to let u fall in love.

[lovehate]

Hi,

I know u love ur ex even i was in love basically u should not text or call ur ex u must give him time to miss you the more u show u feel the more he will get away from u if he yet has feelings he will message u or will call u as soon as he feels that something is wrong the more u show him he is important the more he will run away i made this mistake u dont make it . All The Best

[cassiana]

Did you ever see a strange cat in your garden and wanted to make friends with it. If you rush at it with the best of intentions it will run away. but if you sit in the corner and ignore it and do something interesting, the cat gets curious, then braver, then comes over.

 

After a break up the dumppe goes through stages, like the stages of bereavement.

The dumper also goes through stages.

Firstly it will be relief to have broken off with you.

If you keep hounding the dumper they stay in that stage and your persistence reinforces their conviction that they have made the right decision. Ego and insecurity will make them take your feelings for granted and make them wonder what kind of bunnyboiler would go so ballistic over you.

If you back away. There will firstly be relief and

then Hmmmmm, she didn't contact me, well good.

then hmmm still no contact?

I wonder why theres no contact.

maybe I should contact her. (but shell be all whiney and make me feel bad about myself)

Still no contact?

Ill contact her.

God she sounded great. She was so happy and barely had time to talk to me she was so busy running off.

She souned great. Did I make a mistake. Were our problems because of me, because she sounds great now.

She hasn't replied. Maybe I should call her again.

 

I kept up NC for four months before i emailed. I haven't phoned or texted my ex in 13 months. he stopped emailing at christmas. I wont email him unless he emails me. At the end of February he started emailing again. Since then he puts an x at the end of each email and has apologised for the way he treated me. I'm hoping that soon I will have my cat eating out of my hand.

 

Good Luck.

[h_b_k_02]

Cassiana, that was fantastic.

 

I can't help but stress though that a lot of people think it all has to do with the quality of the relationship. I think the length of the relationship has a lot more leverage though. Even if the relationship wasn't the absolute greatest, it was still a relationship and X years is X years. The cats will more likely come back the larger X is.

 

At least I hope so .

[cassiana]

I agree.

[Tryingtobestrong]

Cassiana,

 

does that mean you ignored his messages for 4 months? Or was there just no contact from both sides?

[cassiana]

He sent me two emails , one a week after the break-up, another a week later both were only jokes. My birthday was a week later again and he sent me a card. It included some lottery scratchcards and wished me a happy birthday and luck with the cards and no more. I replied to none of these and that was the last time he tried.

I waited four months because he had gone off to do an intense law course. I believed that the stress of that was why he dumped me and there was no point expecting a reconciliation while it was going on. I also felt that if I replied to those emails too readily I would be saying that it was okay to hurt me.

[Tryingtobestrong]

Cassiana,

 

sorry for being so nosy, but after those 4 months, did you write him or did he initiate contact?

 

And if it was you, what did you say? And how were you feeling at the time? Still in love with him, or just curious?

 

Admirable restraint btw.

[cassiana]

I have never stopped wanting him back. After 3 months can you be in love? I was well on the way though.

Well all I did was email him some jokes. He didn't reply. Then I emailed some more jokes. Again no reply. Then I emailed a third set of jokes. This time I got a personal email from him. It was cold. It mentioned his apprenticeship and how he planned to travel when it was over. I replied with a fairly light response, saying I thought that was a great idea. I tolsd him a few funny things that hasppened in work. I never mentioned the past, my feelings or our relationship. His reply was very warm. So I emailed him again with more amusing anecdotes. he emailed back to say they were funny. He would also email me jokes. However it would stop after awhile and then I would initiate it again. This wento n from August until late October when I decided I wouldn't initiate it anymore. After about two weeks silence he ermailed back. We continued emailing until December. It was always very light. Neither of us brought up the past. I didn't want him to dread my emails or wipe them without reading them. I knew that he could open them and enjoy them if I kept them light and hopefully realise what a catch I am. Anyway he stopped emailing in mid-december. the lastthing he sent were some jokes, no goobye or anything.

I heard through friends that he had headed off in January and he was emailing them, but not me. That was a very low point. I didn't contact him, that would not have helped. Then at the very very end of February he emailed me and apologised for not emailing goobye or not being in contact for 3 months and he called me honey. I was shocked, I thought I would never hear from him again. So I emailed back a warm reply. I joked that he missed my last emails which were a cure for cancer, the following week's lottery numbers and the meaning of life. I said that I hadn't kept copies so I would have to go back to the lab. So I kept it light. We emailed back and forth for a month like that and then he emailed an apology for the way he had treated me last year and signed it with an X. I had to say something about my feelings that time. So i emailed back saying that I understood he was under pressure but that I was very very hurt at the time. However I accepted his apology and hoped that his time away would help him clear his head. I didn't put an X at the end.

His next email was back to being light but there was no X. So when I replied I included the X and all our emails have had Xs since. However he hasn't mentioned meeting up yet.

The only contact this last 13 months has been by email.

 

 

As for the restraint, thanks, It was brutally hard but necessary. I hope it pays off. Love sure ain't for wimps I'm learning.