Will I learn how to trust again

[Fallen5459]

Well a quick run down sexually abused by an Unkle, raped at 18, engaged 3 times two did the dirty just before the officical party’s, married once to a man that psychologically abused me, took 8 years to even date again, first one an arse that cheated and left me

Stranded in a foreign county, second beat me and almost chocked me to death, now the one person who helped me after that, we started dating after a three year friendship. I trusted him completely, he has always been there for me, slowly slowly controls my life then one night pushes me around. Afterwards I can nearly walk.

 

Now I feel completely broken, I have multiple men trying to date me, but I no longer trust my instincts or men. I am so scared, I won’t go out, I have panick attacks in shopping centres, I drink a little too much on my own. I just can’t trust, I have completely lost it.

 

I have not been the type of woman to go

Out and pick up, hell now I can’t even go out. I don’t trust me or men, they scare the hell out of me.

 

Will this ever pass, tried counselling to overcome my fears, doesn’t work, a men just has to talk to me and I am back to square one. I have moved to a remote community as I feel safer, then he’ll i end up with the forth male stalker of my life.

 

I so need strength, I need to find it, does anyone have any advice

[DanZee]

What a terrible story. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. However, often women who are raped and abused wind up attracting or being attracted to men who will abuse them. It's not fair, but it happens. On your part, an abuser can recognize that you're vulnerable if you have low self-esteem, an emotional dependency, you blame yourself a lot, you're isolated from friends of relatives, if you're submissive, if you're excessively tolerant, and you lack motivation. You would need to work on these aspects of yourself or else you will keep attracting these types of people. Additionally, you may be attracted to some of the things abusers do. For example they exaggerate their romancing and courting of you. They may proclaim their great love of you. They send you flowers, give you expensive gifts, and so on. They prey on your need for love and then they start controlling and manipulating you. You need to recognize the behavior so you can avoid them.

 

In any event, I would tell you to see a counselor, but you did that already. You might want to seek out another one who specializes in abuse counselling. You can also seek out abuse hotlines and see if they can offer you any help. You may want to avoid relationships right now and concentrate on making friends and doing things that make you happy. There's no simple answers, but I hope you can find the strength to endure and recover.

[cherubrock]

Maybe hearing this can help. Maybe you are carrying out a sub-conscious childhood issue. I can relate to your problem, I have never been in a relationship with a "good man". You have to realize these types of guys aren't going to give you the fulfillment you truly desire.