Broke up with me week ago

[Dodevu]

Got together when I was 19 and she was 17, by that time I had lived the young life by going out weekly and lads holidays etc whereas she was still in college.

 

Been together for nearly 7 years so she is 24 and I’m 26, I wanted to save as much money as possible to make the mortgage a lot better so we decided end of 2018 we wil be moved out and engaged.

 

3 months ago she lost her job in a pharmacy which she was there for around 4 years and she was working with people older than her (40/50), she then moved to a job which involved her in people her age and I noticed small red flags but thought nothing of it.

 

She was going to her old works Xmas party but I was at work so couldn’t go but then she text me at like 1am telling me she’d gone out with her new work friends into town, I got bit annoyed as I had no clue who these people were so I made a deal about it next day n we argued a lil no probs.

 

I noticed her online ALOT more on WhatsApp and one night she sent night text at 12am and for some reason I had urge to log on WhatsApp at 2am n she was online, then 5 mins later online again, thought I’d just leave it until next morning.

 

So I told her about it and she said she sent an important text to her sister at 1am and kept checking to see if she’s read it, hmmm ok.

 

I kinda forgot bout it but she was still being different so I thought I’d try get a reaction so I told her ‘don’t get that tattoo of me at end of month’ - no reaction, I lowered the x’s and got a small reaction nothing much, then I know it’s wrong but I legit thought something was going on and I said ‘I’m not gna speak for 2 weeks n I don’t trust you anymore’ n she said fine! I know it’s wrong but she would normally react so I was gobsmacked.

 

I caved in after 2 days and rang her whilst she was at work and she said it’s over, she was distant and cold... I pleaded for few days n she said she’ll think bout it so gave her space n she said I got one more chance but I blew it by being too needy and clingy as I was feeling insecure after the girl that used to say she’ll be with me forever no matter what just broke up with me days earlier.

 

I pleaded again (yes I should have found this site earlier) and she said it’s for the best so all I put was ‘ok’ n went out, got home 2 weeks later and I had 4 texts ‘yh?’ ‘have you blocked me?’ ‘take that as a yes then’ then another one from her sister ‘hi it’s ____ have you blocked me?’ it confused me so I rang her n she said again it’s for the best again so I was upset n left it.

 

Tried NC but kept breaking it and in end she said don’t contact me again.

 

I’m now 4 days NC on Xmas eve and it’s getting easier but still have my moments.

 

I suggested to my friends if buying her pink roses (fav) would be a good idea n they told me no stay NC.

 

It’s just horrible after 7 years I’ve never seen her this cold n distant and getting rid of me over txt/phone just seems horrible.

 

So obviously question is I obviously assume keeping NC is the best idea... Even if she is the most stubborn girl on the planet.

 

If someone said to you ‘not gonna speak to you for 2 weeks and don’t trust you’ surely you wouldn’t get rid of them after 7 years after you cave in after 2 days n say sorry etc.

 

I’m just lost for words like there has got to be more to it than this because no normal person would throw away 7 years for this, GIGS? Someone else? I’m just so confused :(

[ThatwasThen]

If someone said to you ‘not gonna speak to you for 2 weeks and don’t trust you’ surely you wouldn’t get rid of them after 7 years after you cave in after 2 days n say sorry etc.

Well, I would if there were other things that were causing problems in the relationship. Your statement of "not gonna speak to you for 2 weeks and don't trust you" would be the straw that broke the camels back.

 

Have you been overly jealous, or controlling or were you bickering a lot prior to her getting the new job?

[Dodevu]

Well, I would if there were other things that were causing problems in the relationship. Your statement of "not gonna speak to you for 2 weeks and don't trust you" would be the straw that broke the camels back.

 

Have you been overly jealous, or controlling or were you bickering a lot prior to her getting the new job?

 

Our work hours didn’t really work out and we sometimes went 2 weeks without seeing, tried making effort when we did but most of time we just chilled n I can see how it would of got boring...

 

I would say I did take her for granted as we are both first love and when I heard ‘we gonna b together forever’ and all that fantasy bs I took it to heart but looking back I obv shouldn’t of.

 

Recently haven’t bickered as didn’t see much of her, I wouldn’t say I’m controlling or jealous but for example she called me out on it a few times when I’d tell her I could see her knickers through leggings and I prob should of said it in diff tone.

 

She’s been on hol with her girl mates and out with girl mates and idgaf as I knew who they were and what they’re like, it’s just these new friends no idea what they’re like and can imagine she’s easily influenced.

 

So with that statement I said surely wouldn’t leave if everything was happy n cool? I just don’t get it like few weeks before we were planning on looking at houses n she had booked her tattoo of me for end of year n wanted me to get one too :(

[ThatwasThen]

Never get a girls name (or boys for that matter) tattooed on your body... it's bad luck for the relationship *21st century wives tale*

 

Sorry you're in this dilemma. I'm not sure what to tell you but to learn the lesson to never take a loved one for granted. The longer you are with someone the more you have to work at keeping the bond tight.

 

FWIW: I've told my daughter to put on a longer sweater if she's going to wear leggings because her 'knickers' were showing through. I don't think that's why she checked out.

[Dodevu]

Never get a girls name (or boys for that matter) tattooed on your body... it's bad luck for the relationship *21st century wives tale*

 

Sorry you're in this dilemma. I'm not sure what to tell you but to learn the lesson to never take a loved one for granted. The longer you are with someone the more you have to work at keeping the bond tight.

 

FWIW: I've told my daughter to put on a longer sweater if she's going to wear leggings because her 'knickers' were showing through. I don't think that's why she checked out.

 

Yeah no doubt will never take anyone for granted now, I kinda don’t feel too bad about it as it was 50/50 really...

 

If I ever found out that’s why she checked out I’d be forever kicking myself so I’m glad you think that.

 

Just gonna go NC forever until a possible miracle happens n wakes up n realises her mistake... Not holding my breath though haha.

[shessofly]

It seems you had a lot of suspicion but rather than talking to her about it, you were passive aggressive and picked fights. Did you ever actually talk to her about your suspicion? She has new friends that you didn't like her hanging out with because you didn't know them and you imagine she's easily influenced - why do you say that? Did you ever ask to meet her new friends?

 

It sounds like she is having some new experiences she didn't get while younger because she was in a relationship and working with older people. She may have been on her way out anyway (new friends, new activities, less time together), but that's anyone's guess. It doesn't sound like you ever sat down and had a real talk with her about your concerns in her change in behavior.

 

I'm glad you feel you are doing okay. I would stay nc. Pink roses or other grand gestures are not the answer.