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My boyfriend's family


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I've never really posted on a forum, or actually seeked advice online but I really need advice. Warning, I'm sorry if this is all over the place.


Backstory: My boyfriend and I met sophomore year of Highschool, we didn't start dating until Senior year during US First Robotics, this was like an after school program to make a robot and compete at a nation/global level, so for most of the year we spent about 4-6 hours after school and 8 hours during the weekend together. Everything was great, we were incredibly happy, experiencing life and during the summers we did everything from Ziplining to kayaking to drive in theaters. Previous to this I have had issues with anxiety and depression. Ontop of that I had PVC which means I have an irregular heart beat.


I am his first serious girlfriend, I went to all the family events and I thought his family liked me. When I went off to College in colorado (We are from Southern California) he was supposed to go off to NorCal 2 months later for college. I had heart surgery 2 weeks prior to moving to colorado (a new state where I knew absolutely no one) and I had an incident which landed me in a hospital. I had never been in a hospital by myself before, I was scared and it spiraled into a depression. When I expressed this to my boyfriend he didn't know how to comfort me so he went to his parents. They told him this was an unhealthy relationship, that I was lying about my health conditions and had lied to him about a lot of other things. They took away his phone and drove him to my parents to drop off all the gifts I had bought him. My health incident ended with me coming back home and delaying college for a year, during this time he and I talked and he explained everything that happened. He made a decision to not go away and to actually stay at a local community college to be with me. (Yes I understand this was incredibly stupid)


When he made that decision his parents kept claiming I had lied to him about everything, going as far to spread these lies to every family member, even when shown proof (my medical bills) they told me it couldve been for anything. For a month they tried to control what he did every hour of the day, they refused to pay for college if he stayed with me, on saturdays he would spend 8 hours doing whatever chore his parents decided he needed to do. They ended up kicking him out, taking away his car and phone. He went to live with his grandma, I bought him a new phone and my dad got him a job so he could pay for college. For a year I drove him to and from work and helped him figure out what he was going to do with his life. 2 years later he bought his own car, he has a great job, and he's going to college to be a lawyer. All of this left me feeling so much hate for his parents even though they have begun to make an effort with him again. I feel like it hurt more because I actually liked them, I enjoyed being at family events, they were nice to me but it just was all a lie.


We've been together for 4 years now and I do see myself marrying this man and he's been incredibly forgiving of his parents. His family has dinner every thursday night because his grandma is in the beginning stages of dementia and they want to spend as much time together as possible. They've been inviting me for a months and last month I took them up on the offer because through all this his grandma has always been supportive of our relationship and I knew that if I went it would make him happy. Everything is great, they're friendly and welcoming but I can't help but still feel hurt and scared for me and him, that maybe this is all a front again.

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People change. Maybe they in the beginning they thought he put too much focus on you and felt if you were medically fragile, he would be saddled with you -- my cousin dated a guy that got in a severe car accident. She didn't end up going to school to stay by his side instead of letting family care for him and going to school - he is still on disability - she supported them both with two jobs up until he left her and now she regrets not going to school. They do want a relationship with their son and will put aside their dissatisfaction that he got involved with someone and let that dictate his school careeer.

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