Girlfriend of 3 years walked away freshman year and is unrecognizable!

[Jpaul12]

I have a pretty serious problem, and like all people of my generation, im going to take the internet to get some unbiased opinions. Three years ago I met my highschool sweetheart and immediately knew this girl was special. Even though I had no intentions to be in a relationship, the relationship found me. I spent the next 3 years of my life growing up with this person by my side, and truly believe that we are each other’s soulmates. Last year, I went off to college and had some doubt, as any college freshman does. I initially was debating as to whether I wanted the relationship (being that shes a year behind me and was still in highschool). I never broke up with her throughout this time period, although I was very much wrapped up in freshman year and the new, big campus lifestyle. To make the story short, I ended up waking up one day and realizing that if I let go of this person, it would have been the biggest mistake of my life. I was simply so blinded by the excitement of school and lost sight as to what truly mattered.

 

Flashforward to this year, my girlfriend, well now ex girlfriend, decided to come to the same school as me. I was so thrilled at this idea, and truly felt that this was going to be the best year of my life. Well, things didn’t end up as so. Short backstory my ex, she had a lonely family life, and never really had a solid friend group in highschool. When we had met, she was spending most of her time home, alone, dealing with her broken family and harsh realities of life. When she met me, I gave her a family, I gave her friends, I shared with her my entire world. Ive never seen someone so inlove. What we shared was so special, and we both felt like the luckiest people in the entire world. Back to present moment, we have now broken up. She came to school and found a friend group who were very into partying and the classic “college lifestyle”. We began to argue when I felt she was no longer making me a major priority (which I should’ve understood being a freshman last year who was caught up with their friends and the new life). Instead I kept pushing the issue, and nothing was solved. She began to try and hide her raging party lifestyle by texting me she was home safe and then I got a call one night that she was still out and couldn’t even stand up straight. I never was invited to party with her, because I do think she was embarrassed of the person she had become (blacking out, can’t stand). I stopped recognizing the girl I fell in love with. She just adopted the friend groups mentality and turned into this popular, fake social media, mean girl. When she broke up with me, she kept saying “I need time” and “I want to be with you one day”. It was so confusing! The second I would walk away from the situation, she’d come back and proclaim her love for me and none of her actions would change.

 

After a while I grew fed up with this new person that I didn’t recognize, and told her I was done. I blocked her on all social media platforms and pretended as if I didn’t care. She continued to wear our bracelet out as she partied, although the next weekend was posting on social media with a new guy. Even though I blocked her, of course this picture got back to me. Shes now all over social media posting about getting with new guys and how hot they are. I received word from a friend that shes been sleeping with someone new almost right after we finally cut ties. Im so conflicted as to what to do, because I understand how confusing college is. She’s simply acting as a different person, she never took the time to grieve our relationship, and none of this makes any sense to me. She’ll still favorite on twitter from time to time things such as “maybe one day we’ll meet again”, yet she’s out getting with new guys. Personally, I was hoping if I wait it out till Christmas time she will have to exit this college environment and think for 2 months, at home all alone about the bridges she has burned, the people she has traded, and the grades she received. Also, all these new boys seem to be quite spiteful in my opinion..nobody gets over 3 years in a matter of days, and its almost like the second she lost the power of stringing me along, she went out and did these things (because we had been broken up and in contact for 2 months working on “us”, and all throughout that time she hadn’t even thought to be with someone else). Someone please help me get this back on track and my mind straight…I don’t want to give up on this person when I know shes so much better than this.

[DanZee]

I think that getting away from her family and finding new friends has caused her to go crazy. She needs to get this all out of her system, but I don't know how long this will take. It could be all four years there. I think you have a good plan of waiting for the Christmas break to see if she snaps out of it when she's back home. If there's any chance of her coming back to you, it will be then.

[sublimek2]

It's amazing how people can change once they get out of high school and into college. Sometimes I wonder if they see it as a chance to stop being the person that they were "stuck" being in high school and start being someone new. Which most of the time, isn't a bad thing. I remember I was quite a quiet person in high school and once I was out, I became much more social and like to "party" a lot. I guess the point I'm making is it perhaps this girl is trying to experience a new "her" in her own way and it seems to have taken a hard right turn for you. There are a couple of things I wanted to comment on in your story:

 

"When she broke up with me, she kept saying “I need time” and “I want to be with you one day”."

 

A lot of times girls will say this to try an spare your feelings; they don't want you to feel bad because, they do in fact care for you. But there are also times where they view you as sort of a back up. What I mean is, they want to make sure you're somewhere in the background as a "just in case" if you get what I'm saying. I'm not trying to be mean toward anyone, I'm just trying to state reality. Also, the fact that she is lying to you about her partying is a major red flag of commitment and respect toward you.

 

"She’s simply acting as a different person, she never took the time to grieve our relationship, and none of this makes any sense to me."

 

Yeah buddy, I hear you on this statement. And frankly this can be one of the most difficult parts to understand (if you are even blessed with the opportunity to understand it at all, which doesn't happen a lot). A lot of people grieve in their own way, some people drown it out with distractions others incapacitate themselves. But the thing to remember is, people don't always end relationships at the same time even if a break up is a specific event in time. What I mean is, this relationship might have been over much earlier for her than it was for you. I know, it's sh**ty for me to say it like that, but truth of the matter is that a lot of the times, it's true.

 

You've commented a number of times about how this girl seems or is a completely different person. What I want you to do is to entertain the thought that she is, in fact, a different person now. Is this the girl you want? I know she was the girl you wanted when she was in high school, but is she the girl you want now? It seems that her goals/ambitions are at total odds from yours now. I'm sorry to be blunt about it, but sometimes that's the only way to get through the cloud of thoughts and emotions that's probably running through your head at this very moment. I know you don't want to give up on her and it's hard to see someone go down a path you feel is self-destructive, but I can tell you man, if this is what she wants, you aren't going to change it. Period. And the more you try, the more you are just going to exhaust yourself emotionally.

 

Good luck with this, and I mean that. Hopefully you can find something useful in what I said.