my anxiety disorder made me leave him...3yrs later im healthy and strong and i want him back.HELP

[breezesbound]

One year into the best relationship i ever had, i started having panic attacks, i didnt know what they were at the time but i was constantly feeling terrified like i was in danger, i was convinced it was my bf...i left him, 3 times actually... finally after 2 hard years of self work, and being diagnosed with ptsd and anxiety disorder, i now know it wasnt him that was the problem it was me, and the fear and terror of feeling like i was in danger was actually the flight and flee response ... i know i made a mess of my relationship and broke his heart... we have kept in touch every 4 or 5mths in past 3 years, i can tell he still cares so much for me, but i refused to go back to him i had work to do on myself... hes had a couple short dating relationships and now has been dating a really nice person for about 11mths, but we ran into each other and its clear our love is still there.. under the surface... he admits he will always love me, but says he cant hurt this girl he is dating, she is a good person... i think hes more afraid of taking another chance on me... i really never thought we would ever get back together, ive dated a couple people too but have really been focused on myself and self care that i guess i never really held out much hope... now it seems that since we met for coffee, he texts every few days and im starting to think.... maybe i could get another chance with him... i need advice ... should i try and get him back or should i just let it be... and respect that he is with someone else... in my heart i think if he was truly in love with this other girl... why would he even have met me for coffee or keep in touch with me... any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[DanZee]

He's going to love you in some way for the rest of your lives. You should have gone back to him when the anxiety attacks cleared. However, many people panic during a very intense relationship, in some ways doubting that things can be so good, and they have to ruin it unconsciously. But most exes don't text each other as frequently as you two do so chances are good you can get back together once you're on firm ground again. Probably you can't be together now, but maybe in the future.

[breezesbound]

thank you .. that kinda makes sense to me now that i read it in your words, i guess i just have to go on being me and if the relationship he is in right now doesnt work... maybe then i would have a chance? im not really interested in dating anyone else... so i guess theres no harm in staying single and waiting for him?

[firelily]

thank you .. that kinda makes sense to me now that i read it in your words, i guess i just have to go on being me and if the relationship he is in right now doesnt work... maybe then i would have a chance? im not really interested in dating anyone else... so i guess theres no harm in staying single and waiting for him?

 

I think life is too short to stay single and wait for anybody. Put yourself first. I bet you want a happy life with someone, you want to feel content and not anxious, and in control of your life rather than powerless. He said that he still loves you but doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend. Either he loves his girlfriend more and should stay with her - and saying this to you is just an excuse, something to make you feel good about yourself - or he loves you more, in which case he stays with his girlfriend only out of obligation and is not doing any service to her. I understand that he's confused about his feelings, so maybe give him a little time to figure things out, but then, if you really want to know how you should feel about everything, and you are ready to hear the truth - ask him for a final decision. Either he decides to give you another shot, or if he's still not ready, you should just move on, minimize the contact that you two have, close that chapter and let him know that, and try to build your own happiness. Then, you know, in some time, he might be the one chasing you instead, when things won't work out in his life the way he wanted, but maybe by then you'll be with someone better for yourself, and someone who you got to love even more? Why would you stop yourself from finding that person on purpose, if your ex does not show the dedication to getting back that you deserve? Life your life now, put your happiness first, stay healthy, strong and anxiety-free, and create your own rules rather than wait around for things to happen - things that might not never happen. You should be the one that's most important for yourself and waiting around for a long time for someone who might or might not want you back is not something helpful.