NC is difficult/Double difficult with OCD

[Grinch2017]

Hi all,

 

Just an update from my other threads I haven't spoken to my ex for two weeks and I went to message him today "hope your neices christening goes well" but managed to stop myself.

 

I am at a funeral this weekend and I am sure he knows/could find out and hasn't messaged me.

 

I saw a therapist on Wednesday and she's established I have OCD in a mild form. With this break up it doesn't help that I over think all the things I have done wrong; which isn't fair on me when he contributed to the break up just as I did (if not more, I just cut the cord)

 

I have been hard on myself for breaking up with him but his behaviour was frankly to me unacceptable in the last 6 weeks and had I let it continue and ignored my feelings it would have/may have got worse.

 

Knowing all this doesn't help, I still over think hence reaching out on these threads.

 

To sum up our relationship I was getting frustrated because he was always out on benders, constantly ignored me, constantly apologising and in the end I lost patience of always accepting despite my best efforts to change his communication styles. It never really worked and was like pulling teeth, I regret the fact I didn't put up with it for longer as some things he would try change like contacting me a bit on holiday - but that's as far as it went. I think maybe if I stayed longer he would have tried to change but you can't change people that's my problem I thought I could change his communication pattern.

 

I guess we would have always had issues if the relationship went in longer and that is what I need to understand.

 

Anyone with thoughts or advice?! Thanks

[DanZee]

You should put your mind at ease that he's not going to change unless he has some health crisis caused by his drinking and/or bad behavior, and even then, a lot of people won't change. He was never going to be the boyfriend you wanted or needed. When you realize and believe this, you will be in a much better place.

[ThatwasThen]

You told him what he needed to change in order to be with you and he didn't change it so please stop second guessing yourself. You did the right thing by breaking up with him because now you're free to find someone that you like just as they are and you won't have to mother them to death and back trying to make them into who you want them to be.

 

Onward and upward. No more thoughts about it, no more fixating on him because he's not ever going to be who you want him to be.

[Pto29538]

Communication style isn’t something a person can change overnight or with a few councelling sessions and it’s a really important part of any relationship is going to work . You could have dragged things out longer but you were only delaying the inevitable. It sounds like you were willing to work on things but he wasn’t so you can walk away from this guilt free and knowing to did the right thing . Most people have feelings of guilt and obsessive thoughts when they breakup so don’t be hard on yourself . Theses will leave with time also