So depressed

[Notdoingwell]

This will be a sort of long story but I really hope some people stay with me.

 

I met my ex about a month after she separated from her husband. Her whole life she has been a relationship person and never did much dating. She married her ex when she was 23 and went on 1 or 2 dates before meeting me.

 

We fell in love very quickly and slept together after 3 weeks which was very very quick for her. She says she didn’t sleep with her ex until they were engaged.

 

Anyway, about 18 months into the relations, which is about 18 months ago, I saw some text messages that she had gone on a date with someone a couple months previously and she was basically acting single to some of her friends who at the time I had never met.

 

She told me that she wanted to talk to me about it that she felt like she had to date other people but didn’t want us to break up. She eventually made me feel better about it and I told her we could talk about it sometime in he future. But I asked her to please not act on it until we figured it out. A couple months after that around when trump was elected, she came home really late a couple times. And I did some digging and found out that she hooked up with some young Aussie tourist and went on a couple more dates.

 

I think at the time, we met together with her therapist and agreed again that until we figured out what dating other people looked like, she wouldn’t do it. Anyway, this past February we went to her therapist again and she told me that she really needed some space to explore these feelings and we decided to take a week off. I was feeling ok about it bc she always acted so innocent and said it really wasn’t about anyone specific or sad. Anyway, her mom told me she was going out of town so I went over to her place with some flowers and groceries since valentines was coming up and she was sitting on the couch cuddling with some guy and there were suitcases there. It was some dude she went to high school with and they reconnected.

 

I lost it emotionally and I asked her to ask him to leave and she made me leave and said it’s not as big of deal as I thought.

 

Anyway, her and her mom made me feel better about it but I was still upset and talking to her mom a lot about it. Her mom was always saying that my gf loved me and I was her best friend but she’s so scared of marrying wrong guy again.

 

I was basically going to end things bc I couldn’t deal with her dating other people but her mom died suddenly and it was obviously heartbreaking for her and me. There was no way I was going to abandon her and I figured she wasn’t going to need to go on dates with other people after such a loss. Oh. By the way, her dad died about a year before we met too.

 

Anyway, a month goes by and I’m sensing she’s still in touch with the high school guy. Can’t remember why. But my instinct was really getting to me. So I confronted her and it turned out he was planning another visit.

 

We had a really emotioanal talk about it. I really didn’t want to lose her and abandon her. While he was here , I cried every day all day and considered us broken up. But I just love her so much and I can see her love for me that we got back together. She always said there was nothing sexual. Probably just a heavy petting.

 

Anyway, I think a couple months after that I started making it very clear that I was not going to put up with it anymore so if she wanted to see other people, she had to tell me and it would be over.

 

Things were great for a while, but then I saw that she was texting with the Aussie kid who was coming back to LA and she was planning on him staying over. This was back in October. We celebrate her bday all month every year. This year, trying to really care for her bc she had no parents I went totally over the top. Surprise parties and two surprise trips. Hoping she would not go thru with it. Anyway, she went to Mexico for a week with a girlfriend. And on Halloween I got really drunk and DM’d the Aussie on Instagram telling him he should follow me and he was a . My account is private so if he followed me, he’d see pictures of my gf and I for the past 3 years. I woke up the next day feeling sick about it.

 

Anyway, of course my ex found out and was livid. I never let her know I knew she was texting him. But she said it wasn’t ok, and that she felt bad that she was making me act this way. She didn’t talk to me for about a day and I told her I wanted to come over and talk and I was going to be strong and break up with her but we hugged each other and sparks flew and we made love instead. We have always had amazing sexual chemistry.

Side note, the Aussie kid definitely never came.

 

Anyway, a couple nights later she brought up that I needed to know that she needed to dated other people. She didn’t want us to break up that it was up to me. I told her I couldn’t do it. That it wasn’t in my nature. We both cried and made love for the whole weekend.

 

When we finally parted ways, I never thought that was it. We made love again a coUple nights later but since then she won’t see me. And she doesn’t text or call nearly as much. She’s kind of a needy person and our lives are so interlaced. Basically I run her business, we text all day. She can’t order dinner without my opinion. She says she won’t see me bc that I said that’s what I wanted and she was trying to respect my boundaries. But I’ve told her I don’t know what I want. Bc i would rather have part of her than none of her. But she still won’t see me. She’s always saying she’s not seeing it as the end but I just feel like she’s going to fall for someone else. And she always says that I am an amazing person and I should have faith that I’m not so easily replaceable.

 

Anyway, I breakout crying all the time. Usually 3 times a day. My brain is consumed by hoping we get back together and also darker thoughts that maybe she’s always loved he high school kid more.

 

I take Xanax almost every night but I know it can be addictive. When I drink, I’ve been over drinking.

 

Can someone please offer some advice? I really do think she’s a good person who has had so much trauma in her life in such a short period of time. Oh also, it’s orobably important to know that she has MS and her frontal cortex got damaged last time she had a flare up. She hasn’t had one since we met by the way. But she says it’s been acting up bc the break up has been stressful. Anyway, so I know she’s a good person but I worry that her frontal cortex is making her a bit crazy. ms can definitely make people very moody.

 

CAn someone please offer some advice.

[SadSadgirl]

she doesn’t want a committed relationship she wants to have her cake and eat it too. this relationship is not something you want obviously since she keeps going behind your back, why settle? there is a woman out there who will be loyal and respect you. time to block her and move on in my opinion

[DanZee]

Well, damage to the frontal lobe can result in people not thinking before doing something, and it sounds like the case here. She's just jumping into bed with whoever strikes her fancy. Basically, in the future, it's not going to be easy if you want to continue a relationship. Any impulse entering her mind can propel her. I worked with someone with a similar form or brain damage and she left her husband and kids down south, came up North. Took a job with us and became increasingly unreliable. We found out she wasn't doing her work, she was drinking at lunch, got engaged to a middle-aged guy, took another full-time job while working for us, and eventually she crashed and had to check herself in to a mental health unit. She eventually went back to her husband, but this was after years of being up here. You don't want a relationship like that. But if you want to be the person she comes running back to, even years later, just realize what you're in for,