How someone who meant everything to you can now make you feel so lost..

[MelissaQ]

Hi guys,

 

A few days ago I posted a thread about my recent breakup, on how he cheated and left me for this other girl and they are sort of dating. This breakup happened two months ago. For some reason I have this horrible feeling he's with her right now.. She lives 500 km from where we live, and for the last three months he visited her around the same date every month. It's just the most terrible feeling in the world. I can't describe with words how much I miss him.. And it kills me that he's moved on with this other girl.

He's still so vividly present in my mind. I still see myself driving my car to his place, walking into his house and give him a hug/kiss and do the things we always did as a couple.. And he is in my dreams every single night

 

Tears are literally streaming down my face this very moment.. I feel so abandoned, hurt and lonely. I really really thought he was the love of my life and that we would marry. My friends and family thought the same and some of my close friends were already picking out bridesmaids dresses in their imagination. That's why it's SO hard to forget him. He was so involved in everything I did, that I'm wondering if he wasn't TOO involved in everything I did..

 

And on a rainy, grey day like this I feel so depressed.. My whole weekends always involved around him, visiting him or he visiting me. And now I'm here all alone.. No clue what I have to and thinking about the future scares the hell out of me. What I am supposed to do or feel next christmas, new years eve and even the summer? We went on a holiday together for the last 3.5 years.. It just feels so hopeless that I only want to crawl under my blankets and wait for the first sunshine again. All my friends are basically in relationships or have sports or other activities in the weekends.. So I never really have plans with them (only during the week). Yes, everything is open for me, I can do literally everything. But that's also so scary.. I really loved the safety and comfort of having a boyfriend who you can do everything with..

 

My friends and family keep saying that he's not worth it, that he's a cheating bastard who doesn't deserve my love. I know they are right, but that just doesn't stop the missing. It's SO unfair to miss a person, who you know doesn't (really) miss you.. I was wondering if there are more people here experiencing of have experienced a situation where everything just seems hopeless, that the future is one big scary place..? I feel like my life definitely have worsened since the breakup, all the fun things you did together is gone.. I just miss his warm hugs and he gives them to someone else now.. Horrible I feel like picking up my life together is going to be a long and difficult road..

[Sign7]

MelissaQ,

 

I was married for 6 years of who I thought was the love of my life - She cheated on me various times throughout the marriage and I forgave each time thinking she would change. We are from the Christian faith (I am atleast) so I figured she will change eventually. Sadly people do not change if they do not want to. Think of it as a blessing in disguise.

 

She abandoned the home this past August and it has been the worse couple of months for me but time does heal a person - you just have to cut off all contact and move on - even though its hard.

 

You are not alone - You will find someone that will value you and cherish your love - but before that can happen you need to love yourself first.

 

Keep on trucking - Life has just begun

 

7

[Pto29538]

Yes the fear that the future is one scary place is definitely real after a breakup especially as you guys seemed to do everything together. I find im going to things and doing thing I don’t want to do but just to keep myself busy. You have the added grief that he betrayed you but in some way this might motivate you to move on . You will still miss him no matter what he did to you. Trying to rebuild your life on your own is scary but reach out to those friends and family you do have and take it in small steps and be proud of each small thing you do on your own and acknowledge how far you have come in the healing even if some days it doesn’t feel like that . It will get better but it will take a lot of time

[emadacuz]

You can do it It will be hard, there will still be some days where you only want to stay in the dark and hope to sleep forever, but in the end life goes on.

 

I felt shattered, we also had plans, we had bought a family car the week before she left me and we had spent the last months looking for a house to settle in as a family. One day, puff, she was gone. No reason, nothing. You know what? As much as I miss her, and as much I still leave the door open for her, I simply moved on. She, indeed, is not worth it.

And yes, it is "unfair" that a person who used to be there with you every day and every night can simply push the magic button and forget that you are existing. But this is how it works.

 

Wounds will heal, it may take some time but you will be alright. Also, you have friends and family to talk to. I made it through it by myself, as I had no one to talk to. But having someone around you is just what you need right now.

[sputnik123]

Good words Emadacuz

[sputnik123]

MelissaQ...

I am in exactly the same boat as you.

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me 6 weeks ago, to be "by herself". Fast forward to last weekend and she has gone FB official in a relationship with someone I knew (who was also a FB friend of mine, but kept "that bit hidden").

The pain and anguish are monumental.

You are not alone.

[BoredSamurai]

Relationships are like drugs to our body. We miss the neurochemical gratification the other person gave us. Feelings have no intrinsic meaning, not even love, it's just the meaning we arbitrarily chose to give them. When our source of gratification goes away, we suffer, but... vasopressin, dopamine, cortisol, oxytocin - that's what we're really missing.

 

Right now, you just have to let your body and your mind adapt to your new reality. Literally, your body has to get used to the absence of those gratification patterns in your brain. It takes a while, but it'll be better. And someday, someone else will make you feel those emotions again. Sometimes it takes longer, but it's always like this for everyone.