I Have NO idea what’s goin on

[PNWBartender]

I started seeing this guy a couple of months ago. It was immediate attraction on both of our parts the day we met in May- but it wasn’t until September that we started talking and hanging out. We were texting all day every day about anything and everything. The feelings became strong on both our parts but he was always the aggressor as far as vocalizing those emotions. He would say things such as “I care about you more than you know” and “I’m in this for the long haul and I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.” Well, a week ago, he started getting sick (a cold/flu bug that I had the week prior) but after a couple of days of being sick, his behavior also started to change. Texts were fewer and farther between, and they also became a lot less affectionate. There were less phone calls, too. I was made aware by a friend of both of ours that he has been on meds for depression. But, he hasn’t told me that it’s somehjng he struggles with- so I haven't brought it up. He has told me a couple of times that his “head and his life are not right, right not” and went to the docs and told me they did a blood draw. But never told me the results of that or even the actual reason they did one. He still texts me- but mostly after I’ve reached out first. Before, when I’d text, he’d address everything brought up by me in my texts to him. Now- he avoids answering any kind of serious question and sticks to responding to the most superficial things like work and weather. He occasionally will tell me that he’s thinking of me, sometimes he will say he misses me, he’s toyed around with the idea of seeing me and hanging out but then tells me that he wants nothing to do with anyone or anything. He has miscommunicated a few things I’ve said to him through text and has kind of snapped at me as a result. And when I explain what I meant- he responds with “no worries”

 

I guess what I’m getting at is that I want to know what’s going on and where I stand with him. I’ve specifically asked him and he’s not answered me. His interactions with me are nothing like before and where he used to constantly tell me- multiple times a day- how much he likes me and is thinking of me- that’s rare to non existent now. I’ve asked him if he’s wanting me to leave him alone and no answer. He replays/screenshots all my snaps to him. He likes things I post in my Instagram. But everything else is so weird. Does he still feel the same about me? Is his depression keeping him from FEELING things? I’m so confused. Help!

[Thecheesecake1]

Due to the extreme complications of today's elusive technology, it has become harder to read people... We're all reliant on phrasing, grammar, emojis, language and moreover consistency.

 

What you need to do is what I call "role playing" ; put yourself in his shoes and try matching his intention with how you've been with people previously..so, try remember a time when a guy was into you and you were into him but somewhere along the equater you felt like you were ghosting or diminishing the conversation : from his behaviour,he is doing what I have been doing to a guy I was fully up for dating but due to some irritating health issues, work, driving lessons and... inevitably, I decided that he wasn't gonna be my fixation. I still talk to him and think Hes gorgeous, just as this guy does you most likely but, from my own selfish experience, I take my other life issues out on guys, not by ranting to them or even annoying then, n but by doing the opposite.

 

You should focus on other guys, I cant assure he will come pining for you but, I can assure he will feel your presence gone. But ... Talking to other guys will be good for you. Trust me best recovery!

[ThatwasThen]

Do you ever actually see one another or has your whole 'relationship' been conducted through meaningless text messaging. Words without actions to back them up as the truth are just words.

[PNWBartender]

Oh, of course. We have spent a lot of time together. Movies, dinner, walks, parties, sleepovers. This isn’t/wasn’t strictly a phone relationship.

[ThatwasThen]

Oh, of course. We have spent a lot of time together. Movies, dinner, walks, parties, sleepovers. This isn’t/wasn’t strictly a phone relationship.

 

Then why rely so much on texting to communicate with one another. It seems to have gotten to the point in your relationship that you can discuss issues face to face as well as being at a point where constant texting isn't needed. No?

 

Is he still seeing you regularly or is that the actual issue... he's stopped seeing you?

[PNWBartender]

I have not seen him in two weeks. One week because I was so sick. And the following week (a full week as of tomorrow) because at first he was sick- then things got weird. We had talked about seeing each other (he was the one who brought it up each time) but then he’d get done with work or whatever he was doing and tell me that he was exhausted and didn’t feel like being around anyone and had no interest in “anyone or anything”. So no- no regularity in seeing him as of late. Still get the occasional “good morning, hope you’re having a good day, drive safe, goodnight, sleep well, xoxo” texts. But that’s it. Could his depression be so severe that he can’t even muster basic emotions or ambition to do anything but go to work? I mean, he hasn’t even spoken to his best friend in over a week.

[ThatwasThen]

I have not seen him in two weeks. One week because I was so sick. And the following week (a full week as of tomorrow) because at first he was sick- then things got weird. We had talked about seeing each other (he was the one who brought it up each time) but then he’d get done with work or whatever he was doing and tell me that he was exhausted and didn’t feel like being around anyone and had no interest in “anyone or anything”. So no- no regularity in seeing him as of late. Still get the occasional “good morning, hope you’re having a good day, drive safe, goodnight, sleep well, xoxo” texts. But that’s it. Could his depression be so severe that he can’t even muster basic emotions or ambition to do anything but go to work? I mean, he hasn’t even spoken to his best friend in over a week.

 

My advice: Break up with him or go completely silent and ignore any small talk bs. If he's not asking you out or making plans to see you then you're hardly in a relationship. And yes, depression can make a person not want to do anything other then what is mandatory (like making a living). If he's depressed and he's not getting help with it then he's not going to make you or anyone else a good partner.