What do you do when NC is not an option?

[UGH1607307217]

Well, I guess we are all posting here for the same reasons, I have been broken up with my ex fiance for about eight months now, we were together for a little over five years. The reasons that we broke up are kind of irrelevant at this point, but we still have to communicate pretty much on a daily basis, the thing is...we have three dogs together.

 

And another thing is...he is still with the woman that he cheated on me with. That hurts, she is a constant reminder to me of all the pain that Ive had to endure over the months. He has tried for months to keep me as a "friend" Ive fought against it for months. I try to tell him things would be different if he wasnt with her. He says Im lying when I say it would be better if he was with someone else. Im not saying it wouldnt be a little difficult at first, but to me it would be better.

 

Geez, I cant even keep a straight thought and havent been able to for months, and this message may get a little confusing...but what do you do when you cant cut off contact completely? We work different schedules and the dogs live with him, so I try to spend time with them in the afternoons before he gets home, I go by and let them out and walk them, etc. But the house is also a constant reminder of everything that I lost, everything that "he gave to her" thats what he says when I say "she took everything from me"

 

At this point I dont know if I still love him, but I do know that I dont want him to be with her...and the thing of it is...he has no problem asking me to come "dog sit" for the weekend so he can go away with her...its like he doesnt care if he hurts me. And he will go through phases of making me feel like I just chose to get up one day and move out...leaving him with the responsibility of EVERYTHING, like his actions werent the cause of my leaving.

 

I love my dogs and I wish I could just bring all three of them to live with me but it isnt possible, I moved into a one bedroom apartment, they have a big house with a fenced in yard and their own room...

 

All I know is that if I cant do NC with him, I am NEVER going to get over him and move on with my life, when I ask him to give me a break of a week to just not have to deal with him or the dogs and just focus on myself he ends up making me feel bad, guilty for not helping him with them.

 

I hope all of this made some sort of sense to someone, I think I just needed to vent some feelings to someone other than friends who give advice like get rid of the dogs, hes an ass, blah blah blah. None of that is helping.

 

Thanks a bunch!

[melrich]

Hi,

 

Its a difficult situation but I guess at the end of it you have to ask, me or the dogs. You are right, constantly going back to the house and being reminded of "what you lost" is not helping you. I think you should forget about the dogs for a while, they will survive without you until you can get some better arrangments in place.

[UGH1607307217]

Thanks, there is another thank you post with kind of an update in the "dealing with break up/divorce forum" it kind of tells more of the story if you want a quick read.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I know my situation might sound kind of petty but my dogs (the bubbas ) are an important part of me being happy...and I dont want them to forget me either

 

Have a great evening!

[annie24]

Ok - this sounds outlandish, but how about getting a new apartment - one where you can keep dogs? You know - he gets them one week, you get them the next? something a little more workable. i know - pets are your babies!!!

 

Take care!

[UGH1607307217]

Hmmm, never thought of that of course I have, I can have pets now, but I just can't have three! If you check out the post I mentioned above you will see somewhat of an update on the situation in the "dealing with break up/divorce" forum. Thanks for posting.

 

Have a nice day!