Please... I need help to understand and to get over

[rroxy22]

Sorry for the long post, but I really feel desperate and I have no one to talk to. I am a married woman and 9 months ago I fell madly in love with a younger guy (I am 35 and he is 27). We started talking a lot, every day and he even told me that he was in love with me, but at that time I couldn't accept to have a relationship with him because I didn't want to cheat on my husband. He said he understood me... and that he was still in love with me, even if we couldn't have a chance. Eventually, after a few months, this guy told me that he wanted to stop communication and so we did, even if I was in love with him. We tried to remain friends, but we stopped all communication. Meanwhile, being in love with him, I distanced myself from my husband because I couldn't live in a lie. I told him I want a divorce and we separated. And I didn't hope to get back with the guy I loved, because it all seemed impossible. After 2 months of no contact (a month ago) he contacted me again and we met and we ended up having sex together. It was great, but we didn't discuss anything about a relationship. And the next day he pretended it didn't happen. We remained friendly, we met for a coffe and that's all. He didn't contact me, I did. I am still in love with him... so tonight I called him and asked directly if he had any feelings for me or if I was only a one night stand. We live in different cities, and he didn't want to meet me in person. So he told me directly that he doesn't have any feelings for me, that it was a one night stand and that was all. I was shocked. I told him that I loved him, (I have told him that I loved him before, at the beginning of the "relationship") and he shouldn't have made love to me knowing this, if he didn't have at least some feelings. And I told him I am not a person who sleeps around and that I have broken up with my husband for him. He got furious and hung up. I tried to call him again and again... I have sent him dozens of messages (we talked on Facebook messenger) I almost apologised... I felt desperate. I begged him to talk to me... he didn't answer. Finally a friend of him answered and told me he got outside because he was furious. I still texted him that I was sorry.. and that I accepted his explanation... that he had no feelings.. but I wanted to be friends... finally he replied he was with his girlfriend (which I am pretty sure was a lie, 99% is single, and a guy answered his phone, not a girl). I insisted we talked and he blocked me on Facebook. I called him and he finally answered. He was calmer and told me his girlfriend was at the bathroom. And he told me to accept the situation and goodbye. I am in shock. I dont't know what to believe. I feel used... I gave up everything for him and now I feel so empty... like I didn't even knew this guy... how could I have fallen so hard for him... I know now I am stupid, but I still love him. I need help.. to understand. To get over.

[DanZee]

Sorry this happened to you. He just wanted a one-night stand with you. You were just a notch on his bedpost. Once he got you, that was it. He didn't want a relationship, and he probably didn't think he would break up your marriage. In this case, you got carried away with the idea of an affair. You fell out of love with your husband over it. And your "boyfriend," being only 27 and immature, were running for the hills.

 

You should probably ask your husband to forgive you. Tell him that this guy set you up. That you were so foolish and stupid and you let your emotions get the best of you. And that you learned a lesson and you will never cheat on your husband again. See if he will take you back.

[rroxy22]

Thank you for your answer. It is true... I feel very foolish. Should I confront this guy... tell him that he hurt me and that was not ok? or should I let things as they are?... Never to speak again and be done with it? The thing is we kind of work together... same company, different cities... And neither of us is going to leave our job. And unfortunately, I don't want to get back to my husband... I feel empty and he can't feel this void anymore! I fell out of love with him... and I can't fall in love again. I hope I will find someone else, someday...