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Sad after break up, though I know it was right


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My boyfriend and I had been together for three years. He'd moved into the home I own after a year, and we'd been living together for two years. He moved out the last of his stuff yesterday.


He is a classical musician - a talented one at that, playing regularly in orchestras with high profile names and performing in amazing venues all over the country, and more recently, the world.


I'm a designer. I'm based in a city I love, that's near my family and friends, and I work for an awesome design agency 9-5, Monday to Friday.


For the first two years of our relationship, we made it work. He was away quite a bit but I always felt appreciated. I felt like he wanted to come home to me. Over the last year, his career has kicked off. He's been offered 'trials' for three jobs, full time, based in cities all over the country. The trial process means that a few people will split up the work between them for say, a year, and at the end of that period, one of them will get the job. It's like glorified freelancing, but with the possibility of a job at the end.


Obviously, him being away a lot meant I had to spend a lot of time alone, or dash across the country on a Friday night to meet him somewhere for a weekend.


For me, this took it's toll. I'm in my late 20s and wanted to start thinking about settling down and starting a family. He feels he can't move to that stage of his life until he's got the 'full time job' These jobs are so competitive. He could be in this situation for 10 years!


A job recently came up in my city, which I was of course jumping for joy about. The possibility that we could both get what we wanted. He could have a full time job, and I could continue my career and be near my family. I brought it up to him soooo many times, and he just didn't seem to have the same enthusiasm I did. He told me it's not the best job, another job he's on trial for is better. But my thought was, surely, knowing we could both have what we want is better?! This started the beginning of the end of our relationship.


He then went off on an international tour for three weeks (for him, the highlight of the year, for me, another three weeks of waiting). He had the best time with people who are all in the same situation as him.


I've definitely accepted that the break up was the best decision. He could see he wasn't able to give me what I wanted, a chance of settling and having a family. And I couldn't go on indefinitely with this crazy tour lifestyle, knowing that what I thought was our mutual dream (of the local job) perhaps was just my dream.


That's the logical side done...but I am totally heartbroken. I love this man more than I've ever loved anything. I can't imagine my life without him, without being involved with the excitement of his life.


Losing him has left a bit of a void in my life. I've made the right decision, haven't I?!


If he were to get the job in my city next year, I don't know what I'd do. Part of me wants him so desperately! But what's to say that this job is going to make him happy. What if he gets it, but he still has this drive to go off all over the world touring? Is he ever going to lose that? Is it a thing with musicians, that they're addicted to the high of performance and praise?


My 9-5 life seems so mundane now! Just looking for a bit of support that my decision was the right one.


Thanks x

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I can't say that your decision was the right one, only that the decision was right for you. Lots of couples live this kind of lifestyle, such as people in the military. They make it work, and you have the added benefit of an eventual payoff that could be in the six-figures. But that's not what you wanted, so you're kind of stuck with your decision.

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