What does any of it mean?

[randVegetable]

I apologize in advance if anything I say is stupid or doesn't make sense. Maybe I’m just dumb. For the record, I’m 22 y.o., the three girls mentioned below were 20 to 22 y.o if that changes anything.

I recently joined several dating sites/apps. Got a lot of matches, some interesting and/or fun conversations. During this process I was drawn to three of them. Tried to arrange a date or something. I got three totally different experiences, the first one I sort of understood, but the other two – I’m quite puzzled.

1. 1.
   

Date went well, she immediately wanted to plan the second meeting. During the second date she kept asking me what she is to me and so on. We met a few times after that, kissed etc., but I didn't find her interesting, we didn't have anything in common, not one interest. The strange part was that even before the first date, I had a feeling that she is ready to jump into relationship with me and become my girlfriend on the spot, even though we had only chatted for a little bit. She was the type of girl who just cannot be alone. We left it on good terms. Nothing weird here, just hadn't had such an experience. Yeah, I really have no idea why I wrote this part.

1. 2.
   

We had a really fun and enjoying chat for a week, I offered to meet up, she was quite busy that week, but in the end we arranged a date. That day comes, wondering if we are still meeting that day, I text her - she’s not feeling well. Ok, sometimes happens. In the evening she texts that it’s good that we didn't meet up since she got a fever or something like that and she hopes that we will meet some other time. A week (or less) goes by, she’s back to her health and we sort of (!!) arrange the date. I say ‘sort of’, because both times she agreed and seemed to be looking forward to it, but especially on the second time I had a feeling that there wasn't a confirmation. Next day few hours before the proposed time she texts that she doesn't know, because she’s got a lot to do. That’s how it ended.

I just want to get a confirmation that she probably didn't have any intentions to go out in the first place. Am I understanding this right? Why girls can’t just say ‘no’? Or is there another mystery going on here? Like planning multiple dates in case one goes boom?

1. 3.
   

This one is all over the place. Mixed signals (“It’s signals, Jerry, it’s signals. Don’t you know?”) all over the place. So we chatted a bit, we both like traveling, she had already made plans with a friend, but she invited me to join them for half a day trip. We had fun, after getting home I got message whether I got home alright etc. Ok, so here the mixed signals start (at least for my dumb brain, maybe it’s common knowledge). She basically arranges all our possible encounters which are about take place in the following days (with someone else always tagging along), this seems straight forward that she is not interested in me romantically. Then again, when texting she’s sending hearts, asking me to help her fall asleep, writing that she’s feeling cold and needs me to warm her up etc. She texts me quite a lot, like a lot a lot. But so far she texts those things only when she knows I cannot make it and whenever I try to arrange a meeting with her, she’s always doing something. So on the one hand, she wants to meet only on her terms and with her best friend around. On the other hand, in the texts she is being quite playful. Am I being friend-zoned (damn, how I despise this term)?

 

I think I’m going to give up on dating and just go ahead with arranged marriage. Even though I’m not looking for marriage right now.

[Pleasedonot5]

1.1 happens. Glad you got to meet someone new but made the decision that it wasn't going to work.

 

1.2 yes, she probably had very low interest in you and tried to let you down easy. It's not all or most girls who do it like that, but some. Definitely annoying - wish people were more straight up.

 

1.3 that's strange. Here is what you do: ask her if she's interested in meeting up, and for her to pick the day she's free. If she doesn't, she's not interested but just likes the attention. If she does, she's interested but busy.

 

One thing I want you to focus on in terms of improving yourself is not to apologize for what you say (unless you've said something very clearly offensive). Don't call yourself dumb. You need to be your biggest advocate, because no one else is going to be there for you 100% of the time but yourself. Confidence is also more attractive than insecurity and serious self-deprication. You should consciously go back in your writing and bold whenever you write something that is self-defeating or self-depricating. Same with speech - catch yourself, so that you break the habit.

 

Other advice is that online dating sucks! Try for genuine connection through a hobby you enjoy. I'm the same age as you (22) *cue Taylor Swift song* and I've found social meetups I enjoy in the form of ballroom dancing and DnD. Of the two, ballroom is definitely more social - and I have girls competing with each other to be partnered with me (not so much with DnD friend group, but you get the picture! Lol). It's awesome. Try finding something you enjoy that's inherently social. If you're fairly attractive and somewhat confident you will attract people to you through those activities.

 

Hope this helps,

PDN5

[willdation]

I wouldn't just go meet up with a girl and her friends until you get to know her better....

 

My current gf was trying to do the same with me lol I always politely said I was busy and then asked when she was free and set a date and took her out for wine at this cool little wine bar...I then asked if she was hungry knowing that we met just after work and she probably hadn't had anything to eat yet...so I called a taxi took her to another place for some Italian food.... the next day she invited me over to her place and that was that....

[randVegetable]

1.2 Yeah, it is quite annoying that people aren't more straight up.

1.3 About being busy, I just proposed a date and asked if she's free and wants to meet up. She said that she doesn't have any plans for that evening, so she doesn't know. Doesn't not having plans for evening equate to being free? Starting to look like the case number 1.2. Will see how it turns out. Anyway, will try to ask her out one more time by asking when she's free.

By the way, what does asking for your photo usualy mean?

 

I don't consider myself dumb, I just prepared for the storm that usualy goes on in comment sections. Like Eminem in the 8 Mile.

 

Anyway, thanks, Pleasedonot5, for your comment.

[randVegetable]

I wouldn't just go meet up with a girl and her friends until you get to know her better....

 

My current gf was trying to do the same with me lol I always politely said I was busy and then asked when she was free and set a date and took her out for wine at this cool little wine bar...I then asked if she was hungry knowing that we met just after work and she probably hadn't had anything to eat yet...so I called a taxi took her to another place for some Italian food.... the next day she invited me over to her place and that was that....

Yeah, that's why I'm declining with the best excuse - I'm busy.

For the first time I didn't mind since it was only her best friend and girls sometimes don't feel safe meeting someone who they haven't met before for the first time.