What do you make of this?

[BrotherMister]

Hey all, longtime reader first time poster. I offer my tale up to be assessed by the council.

 

I'll keep a long story as short as possible. Was with my ex gf for 2 years, seeing each other 3 - 6 times a week. We had been looking at places to move in together. In mid august she had to go away for work at a time I was also away for work so our schedules got pretty messed up. We didn't see one another for nearly 2 weeks which is the longest we'd ever spent apart. In those 2 weeks contact was pretty scare as much as I tried but she seemed distant with me suddenly. I'd grown to suspect one of her work colleagues had a thing for her around this time as well.

 

When we finally met up she seemed funny the first day but the next day she was completely back to normal. I assumed it was all in my head since she was being 100% herself. The next week we spent together was great but the one or two days we were apart she was pretty distant.

 

The next week again everything was fine then one day she just got weird with me. Later that night we spoke and she said had said she just had a few things to deal with. I went to hers the next day, spoke about our relationship and a few things we wanted out of it. I was thought we were going to break up that night. She said she didn't feel ready to move with me just yet and wanted to take it slower, which was fine with me I understood it's a big jump. Ironically it was her who suggested we move in as well... I was then pulled up for her spending time with her friend (should have seen this one coming!) but all in all we really reconnected that night and it was like the start of our relationship where both of us were just bouncing off one another.

 

Next day she gets funny again. I offer to give her space because I can't talk to her. She eventually breaks down crying saying she can't tell me because she doesn't want us to break up. She then admits to having a crush on her work friend. I talk it out, basically trying to work out how she feels about me and our relationship. She's adamant she knows she loves me, is incredibly happy in our relationship, knows we work and is sure this is what she wants. It was a tough day but actually at the end of it we were closer than ever. The next day we both had to leave for work over the weekend but before we parted she said she was happy with her decision. Which was reassuring.

 

Basically over the course of that weekend I gradually heard less and less from her. We both had a lot to think about. The Monday rolls around and I get the 'can you come over' message. I knew it was to break up. Pretty confusing how that does down.

 

Breaking up was weird, I got the whole 'love you but not in love with you'. I think I want to be with him, said she had a chance to act on something with him but couldn't bring herself to do it as much as she wanted to. The whole break up was basically saying I think I want him but acting like she wanted me. Kissing, hugging, not wanting me to leave etc so it was weird.

 

Over the next two week I'm pretty bummed out and can't work out the sudden shift, I've deduced she's been having an emotional affair. We meet up and it doesn't go well. She said she hadn't told anyone we'd broken up which I found weird. Trying to talk about our relationship ended up talking her into pursuing him. She's pretty stubborn but she couldn't even look at me since she felt so guilty. I pretty much mess up and do the whole letters/trying to convince her we'd work out but obviously that only pushes someone away. She eventually came back and said we have a personality difference and doesn't think we work, somehow ignoring the frequency of our relationship. Over the next few weeks I try to remain contact and every time I do she reaches out to me saying she doesn't like that it's gotten this way. I then ask her what she wants and get no reply. So I decided I was pulling the plug on the whole thing and sticking to no contact. I messaged saying I wanted what was best for her and I didn't think it was me. She replied a few days later saying sorry, hope we can be friends in the future etc. So I'm now fully no contact to get over this headache.

 

I'm mailing her stuff back to her, I don't think seeing her is a good idea.

 

The lesson I've learned is no matter what the situation, space is crucial!

[ThatwasThen]

Sorry, dude. Hope you find someone and are happy and totally in love when she sours on her emotional affair partner. Would you take her back after/if she finds out the grass wasn't as green as it looked over there?

[BrotherMister]

It's difficult, we've known one another for years before we got together. When she broke it off she said she needed to step back from our relationship, when I suggested she step back from him as well it was like I had hit her or something. The idea was preposterous to her.

 

I'm no longer holding that she will come back but hypothetically if it were to happen I wouldn't jump into anything at all. It would be a very slow process and me needing to know what changed to make her come back, the problems she felt were in our relationship etc Having all those answers allows me to make a more informed decision. Even then, it would be one day at a time and one problem at a time.

[ThatwasThen]

It's difficult, we've known one another for years before we got together. When she broke it off she said she needed to step back from our relationship, when I suggested she step back from him as well it was like I had hit her or something. The idea was preposterous to her.

 

I'm no longer holding that she will come back but hypothetically if it were to happen I wouldn't jump into anything at all. It would be a very slow process and me needing to know what changed to make her come back, the problems she felt were in our relationship etc Having all those answers allows me to make a more informed decision. Even then, it would be one day at a time and one problem at a time.

You're a smart guy... don't entertain anything from her from here on out (should she contact you). You're better then being her fall back guy.

 

I wish you great success in your next adventure in dating.

[BrotherMister]

Mailed the stuff back today, she hasn't asked for it back but I wanted it out the way. It was really empowering to just let it go, I'd recommend it to anyone who is on the fence or struggling. Taking those actions into your own hand really gives you a boost. Well worth the 11 bucks shipping. You can't put a price on peace of mind.