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Afraid to have sex


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My bf and I have been together for about 2 years. There's a bit of an age gap between us and he was recently separated when we started seeing eachother, so sex wasn't a huge priority for either of us at the time.


About a year into our relationship he would try to make a move but I kept stopping him every time he tried until he didn't really try anymore. I finally told him not long ago that I've ever had sex befor and that's why I'm scared and keep stopping him.


Fast forward another year and it's becoming an issue for us. He's freaked out on me a few times now because I won't have sex with him saying we've been together 2 years why won't I try it with him and I'm 27 years old etc.


We love each other a lot and I totally understand his frustration. Problem is, I'm 27 and I'm a virgin. I've barely done anything with a guy besides make out. I want to have sex with him so bad and we've been together a long time and love eachother so it makes sense. But I'm terrified.


I'm scared to take my pants off for him. I'm scared that it's going to hurt and we will have to stop. I can't even put a tampon or my finger in without it hurting and being uncomfortable. I'm scared that I don't know what I'm doing and it will be bad. And I get extremely wet when we even kiss. Like when he puts his hand down there for the first time I'm going to be soaked and I find that embarrassing and worried about what he's going to think. Not being intimate with eachother is putting a wedge between us and I can't handle losing him.


We've agreed to "talk" about it so that I feel more comfortabke with it but that was a month ago and neither one of us has brought it up because it's awkward to talk about it.


How can I bring it up and make myself feel less anxious and nervous and make him understand I'm scared. It's been 2 years, this can't be normal and I can't postpone it any longer. I don't want us to drift apart

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Hey Allison! Your question completely resonates with me. Broadly speaking, the answer to your question is pretty simple: anyone who is truly interested in you will be interested in your wellbeing, and will work to understand or help you rise above what is bothering you. I think the only way to figure this out is to talk about it, as uncomfortable as that makes you. If he genuinely respects you as much as you want to believe, this will be a conversation he also wants to have, as it will make for a more productive, open relationship for both of you. There is absolutely no shame in being inexperienced at or afraid of sex. We're accustomed to following scripts in relationships that dictate our behaviors and experiences: we will kiss at date X, we will have sex after Y amount of time. This is all nonsense. Care for yourself—which means following your pace and communicating openly—and you will be caring for the relationship.

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If the slightest penetration hurts you then I would get checked out by your doctor first. Do you get checked out regularly with a gyno? If so have they mentioned anything.


There are some anatomical issues that could be the cause.


Everyone is a virgin at some point so don't over think it. I would take medical\safety precautions before becoming sexually active.


Talking to your doctor about being sexually active is a great start. I would also want a blood test for both of you to ensure there are no surprises there. Protection is also an obvious concern in order to prevent any unwanted pregnancies.


Other than that, this guy is still with you working through this with you so I have to give him some props. If you feel comfortable with him and he is as accepting of you as he appears, then I doubt you have anything to worry about. Just be totally open with him about your fears and concerns.


If it makes you feel any better my wife and I were together for about a year and a half before we had sex.

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And I get extremely wet when we even kiss. Like when he puts his hand down there for the first time I'm going to be soaked and I find that embarrassing and worried about what he's going to think


Believe me this will turn him on like you wouldn't believe .


You do need to get checked out , I was swaying towards performance anxiety ( of which there clearly is ) but if you struggle with a tampax and finger then best to get yourself checked out .

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I had my first time at 26. It's just first time anxiety, it has been 2 years and you guys should be comfortable enough to just state the important points to each other. I give this guy props for waiting, most guys would'be left by now. I see that it means he cares and wants to really be with you. First time is usually a bit awkward, maybe you have some old issues that you don't feel fully comfortable with yourself. Maybe go slowly..both of you lay down on a bed, start touching slowly and sensually, kiss...and the rest can follow..

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