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Complicated Mutual attraction to Co-worker..


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I have a coworker that I’m steadily noticing more and more and almost about to fall for. We spend a lot of time together after work, we go to dinner at least twice a week and we eat lunch together almost every day, we have many things in common. And honestly she is everything I have always wanted in a woman.


To make things more complicated, She is engaged and planning to get married within a year, her fiancé works really long hours, and I feel that I’m subbing for him in a way. I met the guy and he is an annoying little punk , and I’m being kind. it’s not misguided jealousy as luckily I’m older and still posses some objectivity, I just have a hard time seeing a woman of that quality ending up with such a joke of a guy.


I’m also 15 years older than her.


There are so many other details as we have been “together” for almost 2 years now, to bring a closer picture; we watch the same shows and read the same books and split lunches and dinners including sharing utensils and bites.


I would really appreciate some advice on how to go forward as I’m starting to think about her all the time now. And I do not want to lose my best friend.


You can ask me for elaboration or whatever details that might help formulate your advice, I really need help.


Thank you,

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It's only complicated when not getting the outcome that is wanted. Regardless of your opinion of her fiance, the fact is that she is engaged. And with your interest, the reality is that your intentions are not solely as a friend which cancels out this being a true friendship anymore. The solution? No more dinners, or hanging out. The more you build up in your mind about this, the less likely you will be open to meeting someone to legitimately date. You don't want to do that to yourself.


Work is for work, keep a clear boundary.

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Women tend to have guy friends easier than men. She might just see you as a friend, and it doesn't matter who the guy is she is going to marry. You are comparing yourself to him. There is nothing you can do about that. The only thing I question is, why would she be going out for dinners with you if she's supposed to be devoted to him? But, if she's carrying along with her plans, there's just nothing you can do.

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