Long Distance Break Up - visit planned help!

[Wildflowerss]

My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago over the phone. We had been doing long distance for a month (I'm on my year abroad for my university course). He said that he no longer feels the same way about me, and that he loves me but is no longer in love with me. There were absolutely no signs, in fact he was even acting nicer than usual in the weeks before the break up. I love this man with all of my heart and I cannot believe that this has happened. When I last saw him (5 weeks ago) we were still so in love, I don't understand how feelings have been lost so quickly. This is not even hardcore long distance, we had agreed that we would see each other at least every 6 weeks. I am heartbroken.

 

What makes the situation all the more confusing is that I have a trip planned to visit him in a week's time. I have no idea whether to go or not. Part of me thinks that if he just sees me he will change his mind and that the distance has just made him forget what we had... What do I do??

 

I began no contact immediately after the break up, we have no spoken since he break up at all.

 

Any advice is greatly appreciated. I just want to see him...

[Dimka]

Im in the exact same boat. I was in a LDR and we were sooo much in love last time I was next to him. He told me to book the airline tickets to see him and his family in the holiday season. But 3 days after he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I’m so sorry that this happened to you - I can relate to the feeling of confusion - I want him back so bad.

 

I sadly don’t know how to help you because I haven’t helped myself. But any tips you get I’ll be following as well.

 

Also I’m currently writing a letter to remind him of all the good times we had and how good I felt being with him. Not at all mentionion getting back together. You might wanna try the same?

[melancholy123]

To the above two posters - dont beg. The guys dont want you for whatever reasons. A letter reminding him of the good times makes you look desperate and needy. Not nice qualities in a person.

 

Go NC and keep doing it. Block and delete. You can find someone to love you for you.

[Elavohra]

That's the thing! I don't understand how come all of a sudden they loose interest in you. They would make all sort of promises, promise to stay with you no matter what. Giving you every hope that even you'll ignore the vibe or intuition which has been trying to warn you against him.

Just let them go to hell. Go on complete NC. Bear the break up pain, cry, stay at bed whatever.. but don't just don't look back be glad that he dumped you because he can't handle our level of love.

[Elavohra]

Im in the exact same boat. I was in a LDR and we were sooo much in love last time I was next to him. He told me to book the airline tickets to see him and his family in the holiday season. But 3 days after he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I’m so sorry that this happened to you - I can relate to the feeling of confusion - I want him back so bad.

 

I sadly don’t know how to help you because I haven’t helped myself. But any tips you get I’ll be following as well.

 

Also I’m currently writing a letter to remind him of all the good times we had and how good I felt being with him. Not at all mentionion getting back together. You might wanna try the same?

 

Just don't do that. There is no point reminding himself about anything. He just don't deserve anything from you anymore.

Feel the pain and move on. Protect your dignity, sanity and peace of mind.

[Wildflowerss]

Thank you all for the advice. It is such a hard situation but I am really proud of myself for doing nine days of NC so far. I just can't shake this idea of going to visit him! I suppose I have been so excited for it for so long, it is hard to let go of the idea.

 

Dimka, I am so sad to hear that you are going through the same thing. It is awful that we have both left one person at an airport and that person has just completely gone. It is so hard to understand.

[Drumzzz]

I’m actually in the same boat right now.

 

Me and my ex broke up about 3 weeks ago and I have a flight booked to see her next week for her birthday. I spent the past 2 weeks thinking about it.. and at the end. I will just be miserable. I told her I cancelled the ticket and never contact me again unless it’s something I want to hear. It’s a risky situation. But they are ex’s for a reason. Nothing more. Nothing less. Don't get me wrong this is tough situation. But I believe you need to do what's right for you. No contact. Let him come to you. In the process you will move on for the better with or without him. Goodluck!