Post breakup thoughts

[SethSLC]

When someone we loved leaves us we are filled with fear and anxiety. That anxiety causes us to feel like we're never going to find anyone else again. That our ex was the only one. That we loved them in the way they make movies about, and if only we could just show them they would come back.

 

Those thoughts feed on each other. Creating depression and doubt in our own self worth. When those thoughts come into our head it would be wise to summon the strength to breathe calmly for a moment and remember that we were good enough to attract them. We did not lose that ability forever, though it may have been forgotten temporarily.

 

Find something to distract yourself from the voices of anxiety in your head. I found that writing down those thoughts, or speaking the to someone close to me (family or friend) spews out that garbage and the feeling passes. I became calm again. We don't need the people who have left us. We were strong before, we are strong still if we can find that version of "self" that we were, and still ARE!

 

No Contact is not a gimmick to trick anyone into coming back to us to calm that anxiety of being alone and left behind. It is to heal and remember who we were and still are.

 

The only things you NEED to do post-breakup is this:

 

• Heal
  
• Calm your anxiety and fear
  
• Remember who you were
  
• LEARN from the mistakes
  
• LEARN from the positives
  
• Learn to be OK with being alone
  
• Love the person without requirements
  

 

I may add to this in the future. But I thought people could see this and maybe find a different path. A quicker path to being a better, and HEALED person after a breakup with someone we loved.

 

If any other veterans have things to add please do

[kbbcoop77]

Yes great points. You touch on No Contact but personally I would put that on the top of the list. It was only after implementing NC did my life settle down and finally I was able to detach after foolishly staying in limited contact for over 8 months. Now it's been over 2 years complete NC and life's pretty much normal

[SethSLC]

Yes great points. You touch on No Contact but personally I would put that on the top of the list. It was only after implementing NC did my life settle down and finally I was able to detach after foolishly staying in limited contact for over 8 months. Now it's been over 2 years complete NC and life's pretty much normal

 

That is the point of not contacting them though and every thread, every posts reply, tells them this. The why is so that you can heal. How you heal is what I mostly wanted to talk about because I feel that is more often neglected. Those are the key points in my opinion and NC is simply a tool in your arsenal to realize certain goals. NOT the goal of getting anyone to rejoin a relationship with you.

 

If you are self reflecting on anything that you did wrong or want to do better in the future. If you are reflecting on the things you did right or want to make sure you repeat in the future. If you are capable of realizing that love means you don't need anything back from anyone that you choose to love. Then you by nature heal. You should by nature be so occupied that you forget to contact. By nature you should be able to calm your chaotic mind.

 

But you are spot on that it is a KEY tool. I hope that you have grown as a person since then. If you have then you should be proud. Always remember the mistakes we make so we try not to make them again. Always remember the good we do so that we DO make those again.