I Think False Hope Is Keeping Me Alive. HELP!!

[bryan]

Hello everyone, I am new and have really taken everybody's advice to heart. I havnt really had too many relationships that involved love, but I just got dumped by a girl (Conni) I knew I was truly in love with. We were only together for 10 months, but they were the greatest months of my life. I am 21 years old and my mother was murdered by my father when I turned 16. Since then I really havnt had a lot of people to turn to except my brothers. When Conni came into my life, she wanted to be the one I could open up to and share my feelings with. Conni became almost a mother figure to me and then we became a couple. I have opened up to her like no else in my life. We lived together most of the time we had been together. Something was very odd about the relationship though, because she really didnt have many girl friends. They were all guys. She always wanted to hang out with her guy friends and I would sit around at home thinking of her.

 

I cant say I didn't trust her but then again I just didnt know. She told me she had cheated on someone before but she would never do it again. Also, she has slept with 43 guys and I have only been with 4 girls. That made me a little worried as well. I treated this girl like a princess. She never paid for anything in the relationship. We always went on trips, and ate out almost every night. I bought her everything she wanted, clothes, shoes, sunglasses, house stuff. I even paid her car payment so she could feel less stressed about her money situation.

 

So my problem is she recently met someone else with whom she has grown a large interest in. I knew she had because he was always invited to parties at our house and she would text message him several times a day. She even started taking him to the spots that Conni and I had called our own (such as out restaurant and park where we take walks). So I thought maybe I needed to prove my love to her so I went out and spent $2000 on a new ring for her. I just didnt want to lose her. Well when I gave her the ring, she said she couldnt accept it!!!! She said she didnt want to be with me anymore and that she wanted to start dating the other guy. She also told me she didnt want to the responsibility of listening to my problems!!!! She broke up with me 2 weeks before her birthday! I had so many plans for her!

 

I was heart broken and I called her everyday begging her back. She said she wanted no contact with me so I didnt call her for 3 days. Then she calls me up and says she was just thinking about me!! So then I thought maybe she wanted to get back together. She said no and I didnt give up for a week. I guess I took that phone call to heart. Everyday I bombarded her with text messages and phone calls. Then her birthday came around and she finally called me crying and said "Bryan, I know I would have had a better birthday with you." This made me cry because she knew I would always spoil her on christmas or Valentines. She knew I had big plans for her birthday. Nobody had given her anything for her birthday. I felt so bad and said I would give her a birthday later in the week. She agreed and then called me later in the week and basically said to screw off. She said she didnt need me and that the guy she was with makes her happy. I then find out she had sex with him the same night she broke up with me! But she told me that she still loved me!!!??? She said she just didnt want a committment and she wanted to play the field again.

 

I havnt talked to her in 4 days and it is just killing me. I am trying to be strong but I guess I just have the hope that she will be back. Should I keep waiting for her or just move on? She told me she wanted the ring I had bought her back so she could wear it to remind her how much I love her. I told her I am not letting her wear my ring while she is screwing some other guy. I took the ring back anyway and got my money refunded. I am starting to think she is very materialistic even though the guy she is dating now has no money at all. Do you guys think I need to move on? My heart is so broken right now and I feel so empty. I love this girl with all my heart!!!!! I feel like I have lost my parents all over again because she was always there to listen to me. Also, her and I had an abortion together so I guess that makes me feel closer to her as well. I just sit here and think what she is doing with the other guy. Any help would be appreciated! A female's opinion would be great too.

 

Thanks!

[Sprinkles]

Holy that is so sad. I cried. Your a wonderful guy. I can understand how much you are hurt by what she has done. I do not know what she can be thinking! I would never be able to do that to anyone that treated me that good! I know me telling you this won't help because nothing can take away the hurt feeling but your a great guy, you'll find someone else that can treat you as good as you treat them. I wish I could help you but I know no matter how much I try to comfort you it doesn't take away any of the pain

[bryan]

sorry for the long post I am just so confused and heart broken right now!

[Sprinkles]

That is totally fien you posted so much. Sometimes it makes you feel better just to tell people.

[bryan]

Thanks sprinkles for the kind words! People tell me that I bought her love but it was only because I really did love her. I wanted her to be happy and it made me happy to see her smile. Nobody ever really did much for her in her life so I wanted to be the one that made a difference in her life and to show her how much I appreciated her in my life. Thanks again for your help

[Sprinkles]

No problem. She obviously doesn't see how much you do for her to make her happy. And she doesn't apprieciate. Find someone that will, and when you do you'll be able to say no one has ever made you happy as her

[caliboy]

bryan, the chick's got issues. i know you don't wanna hear that, but from what you've written in your posts that's an honest observation. she's treating you like shit when all you ever did was treat her good.

 

what you MUST do is to never talk to her again. if she calls you, tell her she blew it. cause if you ever get back together with her, she'll do it to you all over again. there're MUCH better girls out there.

[raelynn9]

Bryan,

 

Life is hard and you go through many trial and tribulations. Just remember there is always more out there. You really should move on, she was a important part of your life, but it sounds like she has different perogitives in her life. You should let go but always remember the good times. Get out there and find someone new, who makes you even happier than she ever did. You sould like a nice guy so it should not be hard for you. You just have to let go of the ties that are holding you back in life. I wish you the best of luck, it may seem like a life time before you get over someone you really loved but it does take time. Soon you will find yourself thinking of them less often. I've been through it and it is hard.

 

sincerly,

raelynn

[bryan]

Thanks Raelynn,,,,the good times I remember with Conni put a smile on my face but then I want to cry because I know I will never get a chance to be happy with her again. Your advice is awesome, but thats just my problem. I have a very difficult time meeting new girls because I am very shy and am scared of rejection. Once the ice is broken then I have no problem. It's just making the first move that I have the problem with!

[griffith9]

100% sure you're dead blinded by love, yet nobody can blame you..(love can blind anybody)

 

having no parents(loving care), you desperately desired someone to love and to be loved and she became your angel.

 

After reading your post, it's too obvious that she's been *using* you.

There're many women who manipulate men to fill their lust and materialistic craving.(same with many guys, esp. lust)

 

It's(your post) a very typical case(girls using guys to get jewels&money). Women can charm guys easily.

 

I can't understand how she slept with over 40 guys and keeps doing it(U said she'd sex with her new 'toy' recently) even now. and brazens out, saying she loves you.(didn't say still, cuz I don't think she truly loved you ever)

 

 

and... (in general)buying her tons presents doesn't (usually)show your love at all, it only spoils her.

 

you really want to hold to the belief that she loves you, her words melt your heart. My guess is she decides to stay with you, so she can sponge off on you more and more and more.

 

You need to erase the 'love' feeling for a moment and COLDLY think about what's really been going on. Don't you see her pattern?

 

 

PS: want to say something to me, e-mail me.

[bryan]

griffith9, thanks for the great response. I am starting to realize more and more how she pretty much just wanted me for the things I did for her. I am even questioning your point on if she ever did love me in the first place. I only bought her things because she never really had much money and I just wanted to show her how much she meant to me. If I had more money I would have bought her more. She was all that mattered to me. If she does come crying back to me, I will definitely take your advice to heart before I even think about giving in. Thanks again,,,

 

 

bryan

[griffith9]

Just wanted to thank you much for considering my advice.

 

Good Luck...!!

[bryan]

well its been over a week since I talked to her and it still feels like yesterday that she broke up with me. I am starting to wonder if she ever did love me. I did everthing I could to try to change her mind about the breakup. My friends told me to quit talking to her so I have. They say if she really does love me she'll call. What if she never calls? I guess that is what I am more worried about. Never hearing from my love again How can she forget about me so quickly and move on the way she has with another guy?

[griffith9]

You are coming to the realization that she does not love you..

 

You're still waiting for her calls because you LOVE her, but she doesn't love you back. Battle the cold reality. In my opinion, she could have a fresh new relationship with a different guy on the very day you broke up just because she never loved you.

 

should you accept her again, you'll just be heart-broken and broke.

 

I can see your ardent love, but if love is not "returned,"(it's no longer a relationship, remember that) It's only going to torture you.

 

You'd better look for a new relationship, from solely my perspective point of view.

 

P.S a foreign student(Korean) in Canada -English is my second language- and I've never had any relationships.

[caliboy]

she needs space. she's with another guy right now, but it could be for the attention or whatever else, who knows. just give her space and if she calls, then you'll know she still cares. that's all there is to it. it sucks right now having to wait, but it's what you have to do. the more time that passes and you don't talk to her, the easier it will get. trust me. there's a big difference between not talking to her for 3 days and not talking to her for 7 days. probably even more so for 7 days and 3 weeks. be strong