Need help getting over breakup

[LT22]

Hi, due to me (22 yr old) pursuing my career abroad and my girlfriend (21 yr old) pursuing her education at home, we have had to split up. Staying together would not have been possible due to the distance between us, we would have only seen each other once a year for the next two years.

I am finding it so tough to get over it. We loved each other so much. I cannot bear the thought of her being with someone else but am resigned to the fact that it will happen.

I know it is possible that we may get back together in the future, but right now I am really struggling. I don't know whether or not to delete her on social media, or how often we should chat, or should we chat at all. I have no idea how to handle this.

If someone has been in a similar situation where they had to sacrifice a loving relationship to work abroad, could they please help me.

I know there is light at the end if the tunnell, its just very hard to see right now. All advice appreciated. Thanks

[Rustysuit]

I can't properly answer this because if I loved someone I wouldn't move thousands of KM away from her and expect everything to be okay with it. She would have to come with me (which could be seen as selfish) or we'd have to break up or I simply wouldn't get the job no matter how good it was.

 

It all comes down to priorities. At your age, you probably made the right call for your life and career. I'd choose love every time though, but I'm dumb as hell, so don't listen to me.

[valavoo]

I can't properly answer this because if I loved someone I wouldn't move thousands of KM away from her and expect everything to be okay with it. She would have to come with me (which could be seen as selfish) or we'd have to break up or I simply wouldn't get the job no matter how good it was.

 

It all comes down to priorities. At your age, you probably made the right call for your life and career. I'd choose love every time though, but I'm dumb as hell, so don't listen to me.

 

Yooooo I totally understand you @Rusty. PERSONALLY, I would have tried hard to long distance relationship work - I did for four years, but granted, we saw each other more than once a year. If you ever decide to try and make a LDR work, hit me up I have tips.

 

LT22, I think that if you believe you guys are indeed a good couple, then now is the time to aggressively focus on the career you have chosen. The way I look at it is that it's possible to love someone and focus on something else at the same time. You can let go of the previous relationship itself, but hold on to the happy memories and the love. Since your breakup is a situational one, it's got a lot less of the resentment (I think, please correct me if I'm wrong) that other types of breakups do. You are also free to hope for reconciliation in the future, but right now you totally can focus on the life you're making for yourself. Does that make sense? Some days it might feel ridiculous, but you are doing this so that you can feel more secure in life....and then love.

 

It SUCKS not being with the one you love currently (I get this so much as I'm going through it ;o , but getting over a breakup happens at a 100% different pace for every person.

 

Some tips that I have:

 

1. If you're sad, be sad. Let yourself grieve. You may be sad, your feet may feel like lead. I am speaking from experience as I feel like I have a black cloud over me sometimes. But guess what? I'm still living. My mother, when I spoke with her, called it 'duality'. I have one half of me that is legitimately fine and happy with the way my life is right now, and the other part which misses my dear ex. I have found a way to live with both of these parts of me.

2. Humor helps. Watch funny TV shows, comedy routines, whatever.

3. You don't have to jump directly into dating if you don't want to.

4. If it hurts to talk to her, don't. But you need not do 'no contact' if you think you can handle it.

5. As with above, I would suggest being 'friendly, not friends' if you want to remain in contact.

6. If you have things you want to share with her but can't, write them down, take pictures, or save them if they're physical items to show her if you guys ever work out in the future.

[DanZee]

You know, everybody wants to delete people from their social media as some sort of revenge. Say the wrong thing, BAM! you're deleted. But she's still a friend, even if you can't see her. There's nothing wrong with checking in from time to time to see how she's doing. If this was a person you cared about, you don't just stop caring about them unless they did something bad to you. Check in with her occasionally. If she wants to text back, great. If not, maybe she's busy. Check in at another time. But you don't need to ice her.

[LT22]

Thanks rustysuit, I do feel I've made the right choice, I feel I'm too young to piut love before my career. valavoo thank you that is some excellent advice, you're correct they're is absolutely no resentment in this situation, I have chosen to pursue my career because had I not it might have resulted in me resenting her in years to come and having regrets.

Thanks danzee, I certainly wont stop caring about her, don't want to ice her either.