Troubles with LDR

[lemonlovechild]

Seven years ago, I met my best friend in a chat room. Five and a half years passed with the typical friendship ups and downs, and eventually we found ourselves growing even more attached to one another. We decided to let these attachments develop into a relationship, and five months and 1200 miles later we met for the first time in person.

 

He was always very glad to be in the relationship as was I, despite the fact that visits were few and far in between at that point. I finally got to go up there to visit him (I'm 17, he's 20) and I expressed just how nice it was there.

From that point on, he hasn't let me go about me being there. I loved it there, but I wouldn't be able to live there with him for another year or two. I suppose I should mention he wants more than anything to finish his schooling, get married, and start a family. I want it too, but I want to finish high school first.

 

He's entering a new stage in life, and I'm in the middle of one. I suppose I should also mention he has severe separation anxiety, which makes things even more complicated. I don't know what to do. I have expressed to him endlessly that I want to be with him more than anything, but he continually doubts me and my plans to go to school there. I brought up the option of moving somewhere else entirely, neither here nor there, but he can't deal with the idea. He wants to stay at home, and though I don't want to stay here, I could never afford to go to school there, as a non-resident.

 

He will never admit it, but he NEEDS physical love. If he can't feel me, it is sub-par love. I can't make anything better right now for him, but he continually begs me to make it better. I love him dearly and I want to make him happy, but there's nothing I can do at this point in time. How can we work through this without losing the relationship beyond repair?

[lady00]

I think in this situation, you're right to think about your education. You should put that first because regardless of what happens with the relationship, you will need to make sure that is taken care of. He is just going to have to understand that you can't move in order to be with him because you cannot afford an out-of-state university. It would be unreasonable for him to expect you to move to be closer to him...your main focus should be choosing the college that is right for you and that makes financial sense. I'm sorry if I don't have much advice here except to put your education first. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be able to survive the distance. If it is stressing you out to much and if his needs are too much or too different from yours then you'll need to let him go. Otherwise you'll have to stick out the long distance unless for some reason he changes his mind and moves to be closer to you.