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Separation Anxiety


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Let me just start out by saying Separation Anxiety is slowing killing my relationship. All of my life I have suffered from separation anxiety. It started when I was little by me being attached to the hip to my mother. Then it moved to my best friend, and now my Fiance. My Fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years. For the first 3 years we spent every single day together never apart. 8 months ago I got a job offer which required me to travel Monday - Friday. I sometimes feel that it is the worst decision I have ever made to take that position.


For a person with separation anxiety it is incredibly hard to spend any amount of time away from my significant other, let alone 4 long lonely nights every single week. My Fiance knows that I have separation anxiety and generally deals with it quite well. I find myself texting him uncontrollably and if he doesn't reply within the hour I send another, if no answer within another hour I call. I have to know what he is doing at every second of the day, except for when he is at work. Now i understand he is only human and he has a life of his own that not all the time includes me. I want to give him the space that any normal man would need and want to hang out with friends or what not. As i'm away every night i get desperately lonely, and as he hangs out with friends he lets me be on the phone as they play games or hang out or what not.


It helps me feel included and not left out. I am kind of embarrassed of what my fiance has to deal with for me. I wish I didn't act crazy because of this separation anxiety. I wish i was content being alone and could entertain myself. Because of my anxiety, my Fiance gets annoyed sometimes with me and I fully understand why, but why can't I change. I am tired of bugging him nonstop during the days he is off work because of my wondering mind. The sickening thing is when he doesn't reply to me right away I start to think the saddest of thoughts such as, Cheating, Unfaithfulness, Having more fun without me, etc. Now I know he is a great man and wouldn't cheat on me. But some would say that means I dont trust him. I do agree with that and I dont know why I cant trust him.. He has never cheated on me, but he did lie to be about watching porn before. I know ALL MEN DO IT, but I dont want mine to. I know by asking him not to watch porn just means to men they got to hide it better. I don't want a relationship where he feels he needs to hide things from me, but unfourtantly it is my own fault. I have tried to accept it but I just find it very unfaithful. I have found myself being very controlling and he deals with it so well. I don't want to be at all...


I guess what i'm trying to get from this post is, Do you have Separation Anxiety? How do you deal with it?


Sorry for my ramble .. This is what goes on in my head isn't is sad?

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First of all, it's not sad. Second, it sounds like you really want to fix it. So the good new is that yes, there are others out there like you and there are ways and means to fix that. However, the means are outside the scope of a board like this. Have you ever considered working with a therapist who specializes in this? Worrying is normal, even having these wondering thoughts that you do is quite normal. People have them. The only thing is what do you do about it, how do you put a limit on that. You need to learn some tools for when to say to yourself "enough is enough and now I will stop and think something else." and it actually works. You can get control over this, but you will need to find yourself a good coach to teach you and help you work through this and learn how.

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