What an i to do now

[bclew]

Hello all again. i am finding that writing here is my only escape. I have to be strong everyday for my job and my kids. I have lost my wife. she has turned into a person that i never knew. when i married her we connected on so many levels but both of us had scars that were not healed. we never connected physically that was my fault. i was cheated on in my first marriage and i treated sex and fantasy like it was a dirty thing. i can not blame her for not wanting me that way. but in every other way we supported and cared for each other. well she is alitle selfish. but i was a dodder. i thought that careing and giving everything would be the answer to fulfill my empyness. after 4 years together we moved to vegas. we lost a business we worked very hard at and had no other choice. we were together her for a year and then she asked me for the separation. she had two kids that i needed to finish adopting. so we stayed married until it was done. we did move into separate houses. but i still payed her rent and her bills and bought her groceries. i thought i was doing what i was suppose to. takeing care of my responsibilities. for a couple of months we lived seperatly and i had the kids 2 days a week. but i also saw them almost every day. i did not know what she had been turning into while we were separated. she went down the road of easy pleasure and was just thinking of herself. my oldest son ran away and only wanted to talk to me because he wanted to tell me what life was like for them. how he hated what his mom was becomeing how he did'nt know her anymore. i asked them all to move back in with me so that her and i could be friends and we could be parents to the boys to ease them out of this so to speak. i did not know what she was yet i did not know what she had become. sex is the driving force in her life. girls boys seperatly together. haveing everyone pay attention to her for being sexy. only being that way being what anyone who would pay attention to her would want her to be. they boys already saw this. so i confronted her and 2 days ago she left. how can a mom the biological mom leave her kids. i knew that when i found out how she was living her life that the emotion ties that i thought i had to her were gone. but her children. i am in counseling now and so are the kids. and tonite after i put them to bed i got this feeling how can i be the dad they need. it is going to be so hard without her. we were fantastic parents together. she used to be such a warm and wonderful person. she saw thing with them i could not. I miss the way we used to be. and wish we could have tried even tried to work things out. but now it is to late. I can be stong there. but what i am i supose to do as a single dad. being a dad and a mom. i have no family where we live it is really just me and the boys. and i worry that i will not be man enouph to raise them. that i wont think of all the things she did. and i can not even think of replaceing her. atleast not for a long time. the kids could not take that. i feel empty and alone and keep hopoing that she comes back and realizes what she is giving up. but i know she won't. it will never be the same again. i feel for the first time completely alone. and while she is partying and doing what she is now. I am here raising our kids. the kids i love, and i hate her for leaveing us like this and only worrying about herself. the kids lost there biological dad becasue he was a punk that beat her. but now they have lost there mom and she is doing the same thing. I feel as if we are three misfits that i have to be the leader of and be strong be the man i am and the dad they need. but how am i supose to be the MOM as well.[/b]

[SPark]

For sure people make mistakes, but don`t be so hard on yourself right now, ok? You need to be strong for your kids, and if you give it time and just keep doing what you can, things will work out better for you. You have a caring heart and are seeing past your pain to try to help your ex, too, so I just say hang in there and keep doing what you can, and let the universe drive the big car, as they say. If you are scared, searching, and at wit`s end, that`s when you have to breathe and think and just hang in there a bit `til it passes...and it will.

 

I`m sure that you will get better and more specific advice soon from others who`ve been there, so just keep checking back and let us know how things are, ok?

[Brownbabie]

Just do the best you can. Enjoy what you have, cherish their childhood and make it something that they will look back on later and say "Dad did his best, we were happy."

 

Lots of kids don't have a picture perfect two parent household, but they grow up to be fine citizens anyhow. Find support groups in your area, try to attend events that discuss raising children alone, or look to the web for many ideas and solutions. Tailor this information to suit your needs.

 

Be happy that you can walk away from a situation that was not meeting your needs. Realize that you deserve to enjoy life to a certain extent, even if it's just indulging in a hobby, finding a new one, or lending support to another person in a difficult situation.

 

Make friends with others in your community both young and old and expose you kids to some good people so they will have opportunities to learn about other people. It takes time, but you can do it.

 

Don't worry about being Mr. Mom, do the best you can. My mom raised me as a single mom, and as a girl without a father after age eleven, I grew up being a very independent lady. She allowed me enough freedom and the opportunity to travel as a young girl, the ability to go after my education and dreams and talent. And she was a poor country widow.

 

Hope this helps. Hang in there, things get better....

 

I never heard let the universe drive the big car before, but I like it!

[SPark]

LOL...that was on my Yahoo horoscope the other day...it seems to be telling me that a lot, so I said, ok then, I`ll just scoot over to the passenger seat and strap myself in!

[Brownbabie]

Gee, you make me wanna check my yahoo 'scopes. Been doing that a lot lately, I think I need to leave it alone and attend church a little more.

 

They are pretty good though.

[mshollywod]

It sounds to me like you are a wonderful dad. I love the fact that although you are not the children's biological dad, you still care for them as if they were your own. That's what makes a good parent, putting the needs of the kids before your own, unlike I'm sorry to say..your ex.

 

Parenting doesn't come with a manual. You will make some good as well as bad decisions but that comes with trial and error. As long as you are supporting and loving the kids and doing your best..then you are doing the right thing.

 

Keep up the good work!

[SPark]

Yup, those are some lucky kids to have such a loving dad!