it's too good to be true... or is it?

[caramellabacix]

i don't really know how to put this but... anyway recently i was with a guy who made me feel completely taken advantage of, like i was used as a trophee girl who came in handy for the guys "needs" if you get what i'm saying. i never had a real relationship where i felt our feelings were mutual and i wasnt just being used as a piece of a**. mostly every guy ive hooked up with has told me that they weren't looking for a relationship at the time.

 

yet recently i've been talking to this new guy. i only met him a short while ago, so i'm not looking to rush into anything, but we talked on the phone every night since we've met (he called me every time.) we have good conversations, although i try to keep them light and friendly without getting into anything too serious. recently he brought up the topic of ex bf/gf's and he told me that he was sick of being the "player" type and has been wanting a relationship. then he went on to talk about how he used to hook up with a different girl every weekend. but supposedly now he wants a real relationship and he hopes that i won't judge him on his past. he tells me he likes me and so on, but in the back of my head all i'm thinking is, yeah right it's too good to be true.

 

all my past experiences have forced me to believe that i am just not the type of girl that guys want to have a relationship with. i seem to be the girl that guys go to when they want play, and then i get left once they find someone else. it confuses me because a lot of guys tell me that i'm hot/funny/nice etc, yet i'm the only one out of all my friends who doesn't have a boyfriend. in fact i haven't even been asked to be someones girlfriend in almost a year. now i'm not asking these guys for anything, or coming on to strong with relationship talk. most of the time i tell them i want to just see where it goes. and i'm especially not the type to give out easily, in fact i am very selective about who i choose to do things with. but more times than not it ends up falling apart and i'm left back where i started. so you can imagine whats become of my self-esteem.

 

i just dont know what to do anymore. i feel like any guy who's interested in a relationship with me either has a hidden agenda or is just desperate. i always feel like i'm not good enough. if a guy gives up a night with his friends to be with me, i feel guilty all night and apologize. if a guy is on the phone with me, then i try to get off as quick as possible thinking they rather be doing something else. sometimes i'm embarrassed for the guys sake when his friends see me with him, thinking that he really wishes they hadn't.

 

i want to try to make it work with this guy, but i can't help but think it's too good to be true. i feel like that by thinking this way, than it is pretty much inevitable that it will turn out like all the others. i do all the right things when i'm with these guys.. i act confident, i dont become clingy, i give them space but also hint that i have feeliings for them... but nothing ever comes of it. I really need help before i lose my mind!! lol

[Sn0man]

Real simple piece of advice for ya: Friends first.

[caramellabacix]

lol, most of the time that's the case. friends first is the story of my life. then there are those that i didn't first become too close with, but those turned out the same as well. *sigh*

[Sn0man]

Then how come you have so much trouble with men? Friends first means just that...and I'm not talking friends for a day, then date....give it time to get to really know eachother, that's always a safe bet, and you'll weed out the 'players'.

[caramellabacix]

hmm, seems like no matter what i do i'm doomed.

[Sn0man]

Exactly right edulock13. Take the time to get to know eachother. It's worth so much in the end. This way, you have the opportunity to know the person your attracted to before you become intimate. This makes the intimacy of a romantic relationship all the better.

 

I think you have a good head on your shoulders carmella, you know this stuff already. Don't let yourself be sucked in by the 'players' or guys who are looking for the short term 'fun to be with at the time' relationships. Being a woman you are going to have to learn to know people and judge their worthiness in a short amount of time, or you're going to be spending alot of time in dead-end relationships.

 

Many people have the ability and common sense to know right off the bat who is and is not good for them. Listen to your gut instinct...it's usually correct.

 

Best of luck in your dating life!