volution Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Waiting for Death All my life I have been waiting, Waiting, waiting... Sometimes I did not know what I was waiting for. Othertimes, everything was So clear. Some people, they wait for mundane Materials. Others, lofty dreams, or noble Schemes. I used to believe in miracles, But a few months ago, I didn't Believe in them, anymore. I used to believe in hope, But a few months ago, I had no Choice but to abandon it. I used to believe in love, But it's tender promises are but Distant foreign echoes. I used to live, but now I am dead. Some moments, I don't even exist, Such is the void inside me. My mind's reaper beckons me with thoughts And words of oblivion, of destruction. My heart beats, yet it lies arrested, So I beat it. I used to dream of a future, But all I can think of now, is the past. My chances are gone, no words or feelings Can bring back those seconds. Throughout my life I have been waiting, Waiting to live - to know life before death. I've existed, and suffered, saving my luck For a brighter tomorrow. But it never came. All I asked for, is to share my love, And for that, I've waited half my life away. Perhaps, I asked too much, for now, All I'm waiting for, is death... Link to comment
lonelyangel Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 thats deep.....death but pain is eveywhere.....as long as u live u feel pain.... without pain and hurt u'll never know ur strenght or weakness .. Link to comment
volution Posted May 9, 2005 Author Share Posted May 9, 2005 When you have nothing left to live for, when everything good has been taken away from you, what can you do? The only reason I didn't end my life recently, is because how badly I knew it would affect my family. My life feels like a prison at the moment, I'm stuck in a punishment worse than dying... I have to wait till my family has gone until I can end my useless toil... Link to comment
mattj Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 i know exactly how you feel. the only reason i havent seriously considered suicide is because i wouldn't want to inconvienience people Link to comment
in_the_mirror Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 im really sorry that you all feel this way about your lives, but i don't think you realize what you have in your life. you aren't and inconvinence in anyway no person is, and if someone makes you feel that way, screw them you don't need it. i've been through similar experiences with people and suicide and really to put it bluntly you just get over it. one day you realize there is no point to not enjoy your life, regardless if there is some higher power or not. we are here so why not make the best of it. show someone or everyone your love cuz that is really what matters, not if someone loves you but how much you can love another. Link to comment
volution Posted May 20, 2005 Author Share Posted May 20, 2005 I am the male equivalent of "Elaine of Astolat", better known as the Lady of Shalott. Tennyson in his "Idylls of the King" - a legendary epic about King Arthur and Camelot wrote Elaine as saying this... "..... all too faint and sick am I For anger. But now it is my glory to have loved One peerless, without stain: so let me pass, My father, howsoe'er I seem to you, Not all unhappy, having loved God's best And greatest, though my love had no return: Yet, seeing you desire your child to live, Thanks, but you work against your own desire; For if I could believe the things you say I should but die the sooner; wherefore cease, Sweet father, and bid call the ghostly man Hither, and let me shrive me clean, and die." I feel the same, as now I know, my love will never have return in this lifetime... My life is at an end, all I have left is death.... For love is all that matters to me... Perhaps some might call me selfish, say that there are other types of love, but I'm just so tired, so weary from the world... I am only gentle, I'm guilty of loving, my only crime... My sentence is imprisonment in this lifetime of loneliness... My love was never wanted... but my soul burns in a bittersweet acid, for at least I did love, though never was my love returned... Better to have loved and never gained, than to have lost, or never loving at all... Link to comment
mattj Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 i think i understand , and i like tennyson to so i can get what you mean oh and have pity on those of us who have never known true love... and what is most important in life? happiness? love? morality? family? life itself? we can't know and if a society was based on one we could end up with a "brave new world" style situation- i feel that though i cant seem to better my life i will strive to do what i can to help those i meet- unfortunateley i hadnt counted on the pain love can cause you and others if you do something or remain passive- utilitarianism as it could be called does not work either thereforeeee as you have to judge yourself by the consequences of your actions not thei intentions- at the moment i feel like there is a void inside of me- what can i do if i even begin to question the definition between right and wrong? the point is that you should never base your life on one idea take, pain as a given do what you can to at least help others on your way down. and if all else fails then fall back on whatever seems like the right thing to do in the deepest parts of your mind heart or soul Link to comment
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