Utter Hateread

[bclew]

I have two other posts on this message board. one is called moving on and the other is called dealing with contempt. i stumbed accross some information today while i was cleaning the house that has made me sick. It seams as if my ex wife imediatly after she asked for a seperation has been engaging in variouse sexual activitys with frends boyfriends and other things. I can not tell you what this has done to me. I can't even look at her now. I want to take the kids and get away from her as fast as i can. I did not think she had turned into this. the thing that she said she hated more then anything else. I don't know what to do. I adopted the kids with her and i do not want to lose them. because she is a woman and they have preference for custody in all states. especially nevada. I don't know what to do. I have saved info to show what she is and log all the times she leaves us and does not do things with the kids. but i live in nevada it will not be enouph. Help i need some advice I need a friend and in this area i can not turn to family or my local friends.

 

Brett

[SeeJ]

Hey Brett,

I would say the best thing to do is research if you can use this information in court to paint a picture of an unstable person that may not have the best interests of the children in mind at all times. truly that should be the priority. Keep that in your focus as well. Dashing with the children will cause more harm than good. Stay steady. Good luck.

[bclew]

i have tried my best to be the man i needed to be through this. if you read my other post you will see the situation i am in. She is not being the person i have known for so many years. She has turned into somthing that i can not stand. I am no pure person i have my desires and my wants as much as anyone i am just to the point in my life that i only wanted that with one person. I can not believe this is the person she has become. I can not believe that she is that. She has turned out to be worse then my first wife and that is a horrible thing. what has happened to the values of family and love what has happened to giveing back to those that give and vise versa. I love her and i can not stand it. i feel as if my heart has died. I feel as if there is nothing good in the world. I have taken care of her through all this managed everything and this is what i get in return. I want to have my revenge. but i think with me head and i know what kind of mom she used to be and what kind of woman. She has no idea of the pain and tourment she is putting our kids and us through. she is turning and has turned into what abused her and humiliated her from her first marriage. she is evil and deseptive and i do not trust now that anything in our entire marriage of 5 years was honest. that she has been doing this kind of thing all alone. i feel so empty and so destroyed. I talked to her dad today. he wants me to have custody of the kids. to let her go on her own and whind up in the gutter. He said it is the only way she will see what she has done.

[annie24]

oh gosh - I'm so sorry to hear this all. I think now, perhaps a lawyer would be the way to go....

[bclew]

i confronted my ex with the informatin i have learned. she got mad at me and the kids heard our conversation. i comforted them and she just sat there. she did not hug the kids one time. the problem is that they knew the people i found out about. i can not believe that my kids did not want to get comfort from there mother. they clinged to me. i layed with them for a couple of hours. when i finally got them relaxed so they knew it was not here fault or there choice that there mom and i would always be there for them and love them. i left there room. and found out that she left. she left when her kids needed her the most. how messed up is that. i did not could not and never would do that. I don't care if i have the nice guy image. i don't care if i am seen as a marter. you don't do that to your own flesh and blood. she left. as soon as i had them pasafied and stop telling here how she hurt me and that what she is doing really does effect all of us she just ran away. what is she thinking, how sane can she be. what is going through her head. why is it that a man who made a family with her. adopted her kids after a seperation was already happening, and has taken care of every business dealing bill and everything still has to be the one to comfort the kids when her lies and deception surface. what is with that. don't get me wrong i don't mind it i love my children and i honestly feel as if they are mine. but how can you do that. what is going through her mind. how can someone who was the best mom in the world turn so quickley and run to her fb's and party frriends when her family needed her the most. someone help me understand. please

[cmc43]

8) I'm going to tell you a story, That is honest and from the heart. I don't no if it will help but you can read and at least no you are not the first person to go throught this.

 

I'm a 43 year old male, who like you married the girl I would have like to have spent the rest of my life with. She is 32. We started dating when she was 22 and I was of course 33. She had a 2 year old at the time who I took on as my Son. We date about a year and I was not ready for marriage so we broke up and she was married within 6 weeks of your breakup. (Hint: Here is a sign I should have took). Well that marriage lasted all of 6 weeks and she divorced him. OK now me being a DA took her back. ( Hint:STUPID on my part). We started dating again and she moves in with me. Halloween night 1997, Were at a big party, and this girl could dance and make grown men cry, I'm drinking and everything goes blank I mean blank, and she comes to me and say's "Lets go home" Being a man I no what that means. Well I blackout and the next morning she looks me in the eyes and say's " I'm pregnant" what are you going to do? So me being a DA I say lets get married, We get married and have a baby on Aug, 3 1998. OK now for the really bad part, I buy her everything a new home a new car vacations anything to keep her happy. (HINT: Won't work). After 5 years of marriage, She starts seeing other men and leaving me with both kids, and I took this S$it. After 3 month's of this I said that it I've had enuff. She say's fine, I don't love you and

I DON'T WON'T THE CHILDREN!! Now for the kicker she moves in with a man who has nothing. Drug dealer....Your number one loose. I have my son and the older boy went to live with his grandmother and grandfather. That was almost 2 years ago and she has no seen them sents. The reason I tell you all this is:

1. Play your cards close to your chest. Don't talk to much keep your emotions under control. Get her to talk not you.

2. Get the best lawyer you can and listen to what they tell you as if it's GOD talking to you.

3. Take it one day at a time try doing little things like taking the kids to the park, learning to cook a new dish and thing to say busy and make sure it something you can handle. (HINT: no brain surgey, small things)

4. Get a women in your life, it can be your mother, a sister a aunt a friend anyone that can make you feel like this will pass.

5. BREAK all contact, I cannot say this enuff BREAK ALL CONTACT, If you have to deal with her make sure you have a set time, place and what will be discussed. Do not go into personal things. Try to get her to talk but you need to be all business.

6. Try your best to be a man, no breaking down, no crying no emotion when your around her. Let her no that it's your life and you will Damn well get on with living it, with her or without her. She mayed her bed make sure she no's that she can lie in it. (HINT: You don't [Removed by Moderator] were you live).

 

This may sound mean are hateful. It's not, This is a way for you to get on with your life and her to get on with her's. Things don't workout sometimes and you have to have a way of dealing with it. It's like a bandaid, you rip it off or you go the slow route. The slow route will kill you.

Above all be a MAN, Women in my life don't respect a weak sniveling man. I'm not saying they don't like a man that can show emotion. But when time are tuff they like a man who they can count on and crying and groveling don't cut it. Ther will be lot's of time for that, But not around her.

 

 

I have left alot out of this but at least it's a start.

 

CMC

[bclew]

This last post is very similar to my situation. I found some information over the weekend that did it for me and i can no longer be the suport and the enabler to her. i have kept the kids and the 3 of us are going to counseling. the ex is now out of the house and gone i do not expect her to ever come back. I remembered reading the post on here of how i used to be and how i let one woman tear down the strengh i used to have. It was my fault because i was not the man i should have been. I did everything for her even after our breakup. but no more. i stood my ground told her what she is to expect and have went to my family and some of hers to let them know what is going on. i have done this to get the support for myself and my kids and so we can move on without her. I am no longer in the void of depare and what i though was love but was only the lack there of it. some people are honestly heartless and those of us with a heart or feel like we have met the woman that we will spend the rest of our lives with and do what we think is right by careing for them get hurt because we offer to much of ourselves and do not ask or put limits on what we are willing to do. thank you everyone for your help ans support. you will hear from me regulary and i will post to other regulary because we are not alone.

 

Thank you

[cmc43]

that you find peace. I't was very hard for me, but I did. Keep your mind from racing and eyes on the road ahead.

You will come throught this a better person, much wiser and stronger.

 

 

CMC