(EX) Boyfriend of Three Years Texted Me The Day After Moving Out

[TheKissOfLife]

Hi Everyone,

 

Im new to the forum, but have been lurking for about two weeks. I love all the honest advice given here, so thanks in advance to anyone that chooses to help me.

 

So just a bit of background....My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship from November 2013(we made it official April 2014) until February of 2017(we then moved in and broke up June 10, 2017

All through 2014 when I was unemployed Id visit him in his city for two to three week increments...then in early 2015 when I got a new job We would visit each other every two weeks for about three days at a time.

 

We had a lot of love, and a lot of arguments. We were just a couple that argued but we were able to always find our way.

In February 2017 we finally ended our long distance arrangement and moved in together.

My boyfriend's life long best(and now coworker) friend lives in the city we live in who is single. My boyfriend started literally hanging out with him 24/7... Boyfriend and I started hanging out less and less, and he and his best bud along with a few other guys from the bar nearby kinda became a team. He gets super super wasted and high with them....and he was the only one that had a girlfriend.

 

A flaw I have is snooping so I started snooping in his cell phone and started seeing that his convos with his friends included them discussing girls that they thought were so "fine" "pretty" "looking good" and Id see his best friend egging him on ie: "damn she was looking good...you should have gotten that" I mean damn! no respect for me at home at all.

 

So the arguing increased. We started getting super heated to the point of arguing every other day. Then we had one super argument where he left and was gone for a day...then came back and said.."babe I missed you lets make this work" Two days later, got into a minor disagreement about when he said hed be off from work, and he just tells me "Im sick of the fighting and the stress, Im moving out at the end of the month, and there's nothing you can say to change my mind" We were on a 6 month sublease that ends in july so the timing wasnt super bad.

 

The only issue i have here is right before we moved in together he was living in a very sh***y situation with his parents in a tiny apt in a dangerous area, his father has dementia and his sister has other issues...when we were long distance he would talk about how he wanted to live with me every day to touch me...to see me...to go on dates with me...and when I finally caved in we moved in...and he spent almost no time with me...it makes me feel like he used this as an opportunity to get out of a bad situation.

 

We had three weeks left in the month so i asked if he could go move in with the guy thats giving him a room early since it was empty..I told him i didnt want him to drag it out...he would come in the house super cranky and ignore me these last few weeks the very next day he even unfriended me on facebook, removed our relationship status, and removed all pics with me in them from his page....I even saw in his phone that he invited a girl to hang with he and his friends at the bar...(a girl from his job that looks totally diff from me that he told me not to worry about before) and since I couldnt bare to be around my love who no longer wanted me...I told him id give him back his portion of the rent for the last week...gave him his money..and he left me yesterday. He moved all his things within an hour and 20 minutes while saying nothing. I had one of my friends over and got dressed cute so it would loook like i had somehting to do and like i wasnt a mess as he left. As he took his lasst trip out the door I said "bye" his response was, "ok" I shut the door and broke down with my friend...(shes been an amazing support)

 

 

Ive been in and out of tears...crying, trying to laugh...trying to stay around friends...binging on veggies so i dont eat too many of my fave comfort foods.

 

Ive read this forum enough to know that one of the hardest things is No Contact.

I decided to do at least an initial 60 Days of No Contact.

 

This morning out of the blue I received a message from him:

 

"I know this is awkward but I really miss you and I'm sorry for being mean or nasty or negative to you

You always will mean something to me even if we never will be together again. I just cant stop crying

but I know things will be ok for the both of us in the end"

 

I havent responded, and dont know if I should.

 

The day before he left we had a talk where he said...he wanted to leave to grow up. He said he wanted to be a better man, and that maybe one day we could be together again, but for now he needs to be "free"

 

what do you all think about this? What does the text mean? Should I respond?

Sorry if it was too much...i just wanted to make things clear : )

[Xylitol]

In my honest of honest opinions i don't think you two should be together. From the very beginning you two have been fighting and having arguments. These arguments and fights have only increased over time. What that comes down to is that even though you two see some positive points in each other, you two are completely incompatible on a deeper level. If that were not true, then why would you two be fighting every day, and would it ever stop?

 

I think it would only stop once you two murdered each other. But instead you two did the right thing and decided to separate. It's completely understandable that you are crying over this person, and that you didn't want things to end in this way. But wanting to stay in this relationship is aking to ask of wanting to be tortured.

 

My advice is therefore to find someone who is more compatible with you, one whom you don't have to destroy the house or throw things at each other so to speak.

[Dominique]

Stay on NC and let go. You deserve better than this guy.

[TheKissOfLife]

Stay on NC and let go. You deserve better than this guy.

 

Thanks.you're right........you too Xylitol

Tomorrow will be Day 9

 

the days all go by slow but im slowly starting to feel better