Help!

[baileylewis]

I have a boyfriend I have been with for 3 years and plan to marry after I get out of nursing school. We have a baby together and are pretty happy other than the fact that I'm way more affectionate and thoughtful than he is and he likes to keep to himself. He loves me but doesn't like to kiss a lot hold hands a lot he loves by providing for our family and sometimes it feels more like we're really good friends than romantic but he prefers it that way. I love him a lot but have had a constant battle in my head about his porn habit. He gets into a habit when Hes alone if I go to the gym or I take the baby with me to the store. Is it normal for him to be watching it twice or 3 times a week? I feel insecure.Two reasons it bothers me is because I will initiate sex sometimes and he will turn me down because he already "took care of it". The other is that when he does it a lot, he almost becomes "desensitized to it" before he met me, he would respond to Craigslist Ads and even once experimented sexually with a stranger from an add who happened to be a man. He said he didn't like it and never thought about it ever again and never would. But, he then continued to speak to just women. He said he did it was because "porn wasn't enough all the time" coming into our relationship he slipped up once in the very beginning and communicated sexually over the internet with another person and I caught him. He swears he will never do it again but he lied about it for so long until he confessed. he says he didn't wanna lose me because it was a stupid habit he had in high school and it was hard to come out of and he stopped himself?. He also reassured me that it meant nothing and he didnt see it as "a person" he saw it as just an erotic story or such. Am I crazy for being scared of what our future can hold? If there will be cyber or physical infedelity in our future because of his porn habit that could possibly lead to it happening again?

[j.man]

I'm gonna break this up into two parts.

I have a boyfriend I have been with for 3 years and plan to marry after I get out of nursing school. We have a baby together and are pretty happy other than the fact that I'm way more affectionate and thoughtful than he is and he likes to keep to himself. He loves me but doesn't like to kiss a lot hold hands a lot he loves by providing for our family and sometimes it feels more like we're really good friends than romantic but he prefers it that way. I love him a lot but have had a constant battle in my head about his porn habit. He gets into a habit when Hes alone if I go to the gym or I take the baby with me to the store. Is it normal for him to be watching it twice or 3 times a week? I feel insecure.Two reasons it bothers me is because I will initiate sex sometimes and he will turn me down because he already "took care of it".

How often do you have sex? Does he initiate as well?

 

Three times a week is more than I've averaged in recent years, but I don't think it even comes close to bordering addict territory. And as for him doing it when you leave, that sounds like a simple courtesy to me. And as far as him having "taken care of it already," that really depends on how often he's rejecting you due to it. There are separate virtues behind both sex and beating off where I don't think it's automatically bad if he sometimes happened to have busted one for a quick relief. Big question of mine is: how do you even know he's doing this when he's not around? Is he volunteering it for kicks or are you going through his browsing history?

 

The other is that when he does it a lot, he almost becomes "desensitized to it" before he met me, he would respond to Craigslist Ads and even once experimented sexually with a stranger from an add who happened to be a man. He said he didn't like it and never thought about it ever again and never would. But, he then continued to speak to just women. He said he did it was because "porn wasn't enough all the time" coming into our relationship he slipped up once in the very beginning and communicated sexually over the internet with another person and I caught him. He swears he will never do it again but he lied about it for so long until he confessed. he says he didn't wanna lose me because it was a stupid habit he had in high school and it was hard to come out of and he stopped himself?. He also reassured me that it meant nothing and he didnt see it as "a person" he saw it as just an erotic story or such. Am I crazy for being scared of what our future can hold? If there will be cyber or physical infedelity in our future because of his porn habit that could possibly lead to it happening again?

I mean honestly, these were all things to consider three years ago, before you feel pressed to weigh them against time served. Were you two exclusive in the beginning, when he was emailing the woman off Craigslist? Were you going through his electronics from the very beginning of you guys dating? If so, have you been doing it since?

 

Yes, you're justified in it being a concern, but you can't ban the dude from watching porn three times a week because you don't trust him. You do or you don't. I'd ask yourself if you really ever have trusted him. And if you haven't, it might be time to cut your losses before you waste another three years and complicate it all with a marriage.

[baileylewis]

Everything he has confessed has been from his own will. I've never really had to look until once. I found out because we were taking pictures together from his phone and a pic came up. We never send each other pictures like that because we live together and see eachother all the time. He had lied and said he took the picture because he was checking how well he shaved. And then changed the story again. That's when I knew I needed to look. And I did find the messages. So I'm glad I looked but if you're asking if i regularly look, I don't. After I did look he was completely honest about everything. But it took a lot of questions and prodding. And yes we had been exclusive 9 months at that point and I was 7 months pregnant when it happened (him sexting another person) we had a very unique situation where we "liked" eachother a lot but weren't in love until we moved in together and then became parents together now there's no doubt if either of us are in love.. He said in the middle of the conversation he stopped and said "what am I doing" and never did it again and doesn't think about it. His reasoning was he wouldn't have wanted me to find it and agreed it to be "inappropriate " but never as cheating. He says he viewed it as a more intense form of pornography but with words. We have sex usually twice a week. I'm always in the mood and adventurous. Recently I have been backing off and letting him do most of the initiation and that usually happens once a week. But with me I like to have sex 2-3 times a week. Even if it's just quickies

[baileylewis]

I meant to say he had a penis pic on his phone