No feeling for months

[ghengiscone]

Hey everyone, yes this is same person who was planning on spending close to a grand on an anniversary present and now it seems that things have gone straight down the tubes.

 

So a few days ago I told my gf that I haven't been feeling very loved and that basically it seemed like she just didnt care about me, and she said she was sorry and that she was busy, which is understandable. (she goes to a top ivy league college and it swamped with work) I told her all i wanted was an email here and there or a text message something to show that she cared.

 

A few days go by and nothing has changed so I ask her about it this morning and she tells me that she hasnt felt anything about me since the beginning of the semester (january). Its not that she doesnt like me its just that she has no feeling about it. She described it as a switch just being off.

 

So am I to take it that everytime she said "i love you" or whatever that she didnt really mean it, that the feeling wasnt really there? I dont know what to do about this. She repeatedly said that it wasnt me that did it bc ive been great which i believe, bc ive randomly sent her flowers, a bought her some fun movies that she could watch while she worked, ive sent her letters and cards and the like. (I'm not like invading her space or anything all these things are pretty spaced out). So i just dont know what to do.

 

She says she wants to stay together and try and get better, but thee is nothing that I can do, and it basically killed me to know that for the last alomst 4 months she hasnt loved me.

 

Im thinking of telling her that we're taking a break because i need her to find out how she feels about me before anything else happens. I was thinking of saying that we take a week off from each other and when shees ready to tell me how she feels good or bad to call me.

 

thoughts on the whole situation, adivce anything?

 

thanks everyone

[DN]

I don't think a week is long enough for her to start missing you. I would tell her that you really don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you and that you think she should take some time to decide what she does want. In the meantime, don't contact her and let her miss you - or not miss you. This action could mean the end of the relationship or be the kick-start it need to get it back on the road. But it is pointless being in the situation you are now - too stressful and hurtful.

[ghengiscone]

thanks man, i think i just needed to hear someone else say what i was thinking

[stillalive]

I am going thrugh the exact same thing with my GF. We've had no contact for 3 weeks now and its killing me. I'm moving on with my life slowley and starting to enjoy activities more.

 

She's the one who needs to do the thinking and, ya i know, we just have to sit here and let them finish " finding themselfs."

 

Sometimes stepping back from a relationship makes it stronger, sometimes it dies.

 

My GF knows how i feel and i'm sure yours does too. and my GF knows how to contact me when she's ready

 

and that'll probably take months or even a year, but probably not weeks.

 

but don't wait, whatever happenes will happen

 

hope that helps.

[ghengiscone]

the only problem is that if im the one that intiates the break i feel like im giving up on her and us...ugh i just dont know what to do