Where to go from here

[bsme]

Backstory: My child's father and i were together for 7 years before we "officially" split. We had a rough relationship and we both knew that near the end we had grown apart. He was a liar and a cheater, yet he wanted me to do everything opposite that, and i did. I was in love and devoted to him. I never cheated, however one time we split for a while and i had the opportunity to meet someone else and we had sex. My child's father found out and we got back together. I knew it hurt him, he even still talks about it to this day.

Anyway, upon splitting it was rough. Like most men, he was immediately involved with someone else, he treated me like crap, talked bad about me, etc.

I forgave him, maybe a few months ago, we started to try and understand each other and i forgave him for everything that he had done. He admitted he was still involved with multiple women. But we started hanging out/started having sex. Up until the other day when he found out i was conversing with another guy. He said i was too friendly and that he couldn't be with anyone like that so he made it clear he didn't want to even attempt to be with me. I will be honest, i was getting my hopes up thinking maybe god put us back in good graces for a reason but that night he was so upset about the guy i was talking to that he started calling all different kinds of females while i was right there. I don't understand and i just need to know what to do. I think i need help. Obviously i'm getting mixed emotions and thinking we are supposed to be together until he reminds me that he is still the selfish man who wants things his way while he does what he wants.,

[LonelyJedi]

What do your instincts tell you?

Trust your instincts, they can pick up on things that your heart is choosing not to see. (take it from someone who has been there)

 

This man seems to be sapping you of your strength. I know how you feel, but this man is poison. He said he lies & cheats, two BIG red flags of a relationship failing.

If he is a liar, how can you trust ANYTHING he tells you as true?

If he is a cheater, how can you know that he won't cheat on you AGAIN?

 

Steer clear of this person. You deserve much better than this man.

[bsme]

What do your instincts tell you?

Trust your instincts, they can pick up on things that your heart is choosing not to see. (take it from someone who has been there)

 

This man seems to be sapping you of your strength. I know how you feel, but this man is poison. He said he lies & cheats, two BIG red flags of a relationship failing.

If he is a liar, how can you trust ANYTHING he tells you as true?

If he is a cheater, how can you know that he won't cheat on you AGAIN?

 

Steer clear of this person. You deserve much better than this man.

 

My instincts honestly tell me to move on with my life. I just get stuck thinking that I wanted us to work for the sake of my daughter. I get stuck thinking that he could and will change. I get stuck thinking that this generation sucks and I do not want to get to know anyone else. It's like he has a hold on me and i DO want to just LET GO!!! i'M JUST AFRAID. I put so much into this and it makes me wonder if it will ever be worth it. But i do know that he is manipulative at times, he can be a user as well.

[Annia]

This man is completely toxic to you and extremely unfair and disrespectful. He wants his cake and eat it too... he wants a submissive wife in the back burner while he goes around with other women. You need to set your boundaries high and stick to them. Not only for you and your well being but ultimately also for your child's well being.

 

He's not going to change... he had 7 years to do so and he didn't. What you see is what you get. If this would be all you have from him, not better and not worse, would you want this man your life forever?

 

I know that sharing a child with him makes it harder to move on, but just because you need to co-parent, it doesn't mean that you have to have sex with him or engage in his shananigans, and it doesn't mean that you can't work on yourself and eventually find someone much better which treats you with love and respect.

[bsme]

this man is completely toxic to you and extremely unfair and disrespectful. He wants his cake and eat it too... He wants a submissive wife in the back burner while he goes around with other women. You need to set your boundaries high and stick to them. Not only for you and your well being but ultimately also for your child's well being.

 

He's not going to change... He had 7 years to do so and he didn't. What you see is what you get. If this would be all you have from him, not better and not worse, would you want this man your life forever?

 

I know that sharing a child with him makes it harder to move on, but just because you need to co-parent, it doesn't mean that you have to have sex with him or engage in his shananigans, and it doesn't mean that you can't work on yourself and eventually find someone much better which treats you with love and respect.

 

thank you. It just hurts to know that with all that we've been through he still continues to do what he does.

[ParisPaulette]

I think you keep hoping your ex will have the same standards you do, but he doesn't. Love isn't just about feelings, you have to have some common sense and compatability. He wants multiple women and doesn't want to share any of them with another man. You want a man who wants only you and won't want you to share with others while staying only to him.

 

Where in that do you see a sane good relationship? You really do need to walk away, go to court and get custody and child support hammered out legally, for your kids benefits - not yours - then get into therapy to explore why you have stayed in a toxic relationship you knew deep inside you should have left long ago.

 

To that end I'm recommending you read an article: "Love Is Not Enough" by Mark Manson. Hopefully you'll take someone away from it and it can give you some answers to what to do next.

 

And how not to repeat history with someone like your ex or worse in the future. You have kids, you should be primarily concerned with their happiness, then kids, and no men do not factor into that. They can share in it IF they're worthy, but you do not need a man to be happy. Neither do your kids. You all need stable sane loyal people who have your back.