My Plan

[nicsau]

I'm writing this so that in the future, I can see how far I have come.

I was in an intense and stressful 2.5yr relationship. It was with a guy that I had been an acquaintance with as a kid, we lived across the country from each other.

We began dating somehow after connecting via facebook. We were both still studying in our hometowns, but somehow we found each other.

We had a lot of fun with each other, we also had a lot of fights because of the LDR and stress of who was going to move. Particularly when I moved and left everything that I knew, to go live with him in his hometown.

 

It was the most difficult year I had ever had in my life, for 1 year we lived together.

I believe that if not for the horrible and unfortunate circumstances that we were living in and my lack of experience in a big city lifestyle, we would still be together. I was a very unhappy person there, and that was reflected in my emotions. It was decided together that I would move back to my hometown and in 2 yrs when we were both more financially and for me more experienced with life, I would be prepared to move back to his big city.

I moved back to my hometown for 3 months, and things were good, I was happy, we were happy.

He had asked me to make up my mind as to whether I would be happy moving back to his city in 2 yrs, I told him I would seriously think about it and told him I needed a few days of no contact so that I could really think for myself about it. As 2 yrs LDR would be difficult and if I was to move to his city then I again would be uprooting my life a second time.

After the few days, I told him I could, and that is when he told me he didn't think I would be happy and he was happier without me, and that I was happy where I was.

He brought up things that happened during our year living together that made him unhappy- and I tried so hard to explain to him that I was that way because I was unhappy, which is why I had moved back to my hometown and when I was ready would be able to cope in the future.

For 1 month we kept in contact, he would tell me he loved me and missed me, and I would ignore him for 1 week, and back and forth, etc for that month.

Then, one day a bit after that month, I messaged him that I had really exciting work news, and he said he would call me. We talked, and I was so happy , that I brought up again of getting back together, and why wouldn't he - and what is this that he had still told me he loved/missed me and we were still happy talking to each other, and I asked him again and again.

He then said sorry, and blocked me on everything- facebook (unfriended and blocked me), whatsapp, phone.

I also wrote an email to him, again explaining all the things he brought up were due to me being unhappy and not with him, but just myself being unhappy and that it could work- he never replied.

 

It has been 4.5months of complete no contact.

I still hurt on/off everyday. We told each other we loved each other every day, and he would tell me how he loved me more and more almost every day we were together.

I know he felt hurt by me, but I'm really not sure how someone can just cut someone off after feeling like that.

He had said he wanted to get engaged when I returned to his city.

 

I've come to the point where I can understand his perspective- 2 years is a very long time for a LDR, and it may have been longer due to our own work commitments, also I might not still be happy/ready in 2 yrs to move back to his city. The feasibility for the relationship was low.

And it's true, I am so much happier this year already, and maybe if we were together still- the stress/effort in maintaining our LDR would have put a strain on our individual selves and we would both be unhappy.

 

Anyway, I've been moving on and doing my own thing and focussing on myself and I'm so happy and GRATEFUL I'm back in my hometown- I have a home, all my friends, family , sporting clubs (when I was in his city - I was so isolated that my only friends were work colleagues who were the drinking/party type and I don't drink, or I would talk to random strangers who were waiting in shopping centres. My exbf was very introverted so he had 2 friends who he hardly saw)

I've been lurking these forums, reading on reconcilliations- the most uplifting one was 'successful reconcilliation 8 months'. In some respects I'm hoping he will contact me and we can get back together, and in some respects I'm hoping that I can stop hoping and that I can let whatever be and happen.

 

Reconciliation for me will happen- whether it be reconciling with my happiest self or with him. It's a win win.

[Knight2001]

what a sad post. im sorry it didnt work out for you with him. possibly he has done you a favour by blocking you. even after 2 yrs if/when you moved back to his city you may not have been happy.

well done for coping so well so far. thank you for sharing your story and i sincerely wish you the very best.

good luck and be happy.

[nicsau]

Have to say I am so much better now, and of course when that happens , as they say, somehow something happened. As previously written, my ex blocked me on facebook, and with that you cant search/add/see their name tagged in anything. Well, last night after about 4days of having felt I was 'free' , his name turns up tagged and I clicked it out of curiosity (expecting to still be unable to add friend), but nope, 'add friend' was available

Tbh, I don't have the urge of adding him back at all. But, now a sudden wave of anxiety has come over me again. Did he unblock me or is it just a facebook automatic thing after a while? If he did unblock me, it means he had to manually unblock me- has he moved on? or is he wanting to open comm (unlikely as he would have added me back I believe)? Why even bother unblocking? I know it is pointless thinking about it, and Im going to continue to go about my life as per normal.

[nicsau]

okay, so I've still been doing really well.

But, I actually now think that we would have been good together in a different stage of our lives, ie. next year.

It doesn't make me sad anymore, but i do think that.