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My "work spouse"

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I have been friends with a coworker ("J") for 12 years. Having been through the trenches together and working on various projects, I'd consider "J" my work-spouse. We have a lot of the same interests in music, travel, humor, etc. We've always had a platonic friendship and our spouse/partners are always part of any outside of work activities, like attending group concerts.


In the last couple of years, I distanced myself from a sour, mutual coworker. This has caused my work spouse and I to grow apart -- "J" is still close to sour sally. I miss the laughs "J" and I used to share.


Now I will be moving to a new position in our company and my work will not overlap with J's work. I have a strong urge to write "J" a short note, wishing the best, hope to run into each other at such-and-such concert, etc. I miss our friendship and with this new position, I will not see J in day-to-day operations.


I'm struggling with the note being a good or bad idea. Any advice is appreciated!

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Very bad idea. He is not your "spouse" and you are not in some relationship with him where you are breaking up and need closure. You are and have always been just co-workers, even if you get along well and had formed more of a friendship that involved some outside of work activities. Regardless, that friendship has drifted, as friendships sometimes simply do. If you wish to maintain the friendship outside of work, you are always free to continue that portion as you have done in the past by you all going to concerts together or otherwise socializing outside of work. You are actually more free to do so now that you will not be working together directly. That's assuming that he is interested in that.

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If you had friends in your neighbourhood and you moved to the other side of the city, what would you do? Do the same thing with your work hubby. 'Bye, I'll miss our hanging out, maybe we could do lunch and catch up from time to time?' I wouldn't send a letter though as that might suggest a level of intimacy.


I've had 'work wives' before, joking referring to women I work with that I am platonically close with while at work, so I have no issue with the term.

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