Mavrik Posted May 4, 2017 Share Posted May 4, 2017 I knew something was up but chose to ignore it as didnt want to accept that this 'thing' had come back from the darkness it dwells in, to bite me back and drag me back to the dark place where it lives. It's less of a gift, more of a burden but it has been given back to me nicely wrapped and a nice big bow on it, and I had to take it and couldn't say 'I don't want it'. This thing I talk of is depression. I had the breakup as those know my story are aware of. It hit me like a tonne of bricks, after which, I was on the road to recovery but was hoovered back into meeting with my ex (who is BPD), the meeting went badly and she turned on me. I drove home with tears in my eyes (that's one of the affects of my depression it makes me very tearful at the slightest emotional thing, or major things like this incident). I thought it was due to what had occurred and ignored my own signs. Maybe hoping my depression hadn't come back. At work and at home I would become tearful for no real reason. Sat at home the past 2 days I accepted what had happened to me and my depression was back. Had to go back on my meds, tried therapy and alsorts in the past it doesn't work for me, so meds it is. I hate losing people and don't allow them into my life much, I'm a closed book, you have to be very special to me for me to allow you in. I let her in and shd damaged me a lot and here I am, in the darkness. Even after all the high profile incidents with celebs who have suffered from this. I find It's still a taboo subject, and no one wants to listen and ignore it. I've had comments such as 'cheer up', as if it's as easy as that. And comments such as 'you are such a lively person, with lots of friends and people around you, how can you have it'. 'You have so much going on in your life and have so much, you can't have depression'. It's not something we chose and it's not something we want, it's sadly the fall out and after affects of the ending of an intense relationship. So the dark place is where I will have to stay for a while, simply because I loved someone that couldn't be loved. Nobody wants to suffer depression and the taboos that go with it. But sadly it's a part of me (and those that suffer from it) who I/we are. It's painful to know that trying to find love can cause this to happen, makes you think why bother. Link to comment
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